AIBU to object to my husband taking a large loan for a friend?

Because you say your DH has been fussing about money and how you need to save, yet is now willing to take on a debt with monthly repayments.

This makes me think that the DH has ALREADY LOANED his friend quite a lot of money as it is, and the friend is telling him that lending more is the only way he can repay the first lot. The DH is thinking that he will never get the initial sums back. The friend has persuaded him that he will get it all back if he tides the friend over this "final" hurdle.

That's the only thing that makes sense to me. Why else is the DH being so reckless? You are both on high salaries but no savings and debts and he's always on about cutting back on expenses?.

I think you need to use that experian link a kind pp posted above. And then have an emergency finances talk. I'd go back since the friend started the project to find out exactly how much of these unofficial loans your DH has already made over the project life span. And if I were him I would rather lose £30... than £130k (for eg) Its the old sunken costs fallacy isn't it.

Also, every pound that your DH lends and loses to this friend is a pound taken away from your Children's futures... If they need to fund future studies, braces, medical conditions, deposits for flats... your DH needs to think how much he could be depriving them of for the sake of this friend's unlucky property gamble. Your DH is the only person life in the friend's life who can lend him these sums.
Your family is not a bank or a charitable institution.

I hope you find a solution OP x

The friend is going to go bankrupt 1000%!!! He can sell the property/project as it is now
partly completed if it’s actually worth any money!

Since your DH is so emotionally invested in "helping" his friend, can you not bypass your DH and go to his friend directly to tell him that your marriage is going to be over if he continues to push your DH for this loan? (Or something similar.) If there are multiple unsecured loans this person is getting from multiple "friends" there is very little chance that your DH's loan is going to ever be paid back.

Has the friend actually had it valued? In its present state and for an idea of when it’s finished? If your DH is really considering giving ( or best case loaning) the money at least he should be able to actually look at the figures, what’s owed already what’s needed to finish etc. Crucially what it’s actually worth. It’s a difficult conversation to have with his mate but he might be doing him a favour by going through it all with him.

The housing market is awful and things are taking YEARS to sell at massive losses so I wouldn’t touch this with a barge pole! If the friend will put your husband on the ownership as the % he’d loan him - plus interest!!! - but not liable for anything and that will also involve £ as you need a solicitor to draw up an agreement but then you would to lend the friend the money too! - then that would be better if he continues to go ahead

Entirely trust based is madness. What happens if the friend falls off a ladder and dies? The loan dies with him if nothing is in writing. what if he gets a head injury and needs care. his asset will be sold to pay for his care. There are 50 other similar scenarios in which DH will have to kiss goodbye to that loan. He needs to get a charge put on the property at least.

It's scary how delusional some people are when they have responsibilities themself.

Is your husband going to repaid the £30k PLUS the interest he has incurred on the loan he takes out? That would be the absolute bare minimum that he should expect. Does your husband realise that he would then have to pay income tax on that interest? If your husband pays income tax at 40% or 45% the friend should gross up the interest element to cover that.

So this friend is a person who is notoriously bad with money, has borrowed from you before over the years, has started a massive project without costing it properly and hasn't got the funds to complete it, has extinguished all ways of borrowing more either from banks or other friends, is hoping that once finished the project will pay dividends and he will have enough to pay everyone back and still make some profit for himself.
If it is such a big project then he probably already owes builder etc money. If he cant get credit to pay for more materials then he has not yet paid for what he has already had.

He has made HUGE mistake starting this project and now he is willing to get friends into debt to help him.

If and when it is finished there is no guarantee that it will sell at a price that will cover all the debt he has accumulated and if it doesnt and he realises that when he has paid everyone back there is nothing left for him you will not see him for dust.

Even as a high earner the banks will still want some sort of security as you have already got loans and that security would have to be your house. So this friend is willing to see you homeless as well if it all goes wrong.

He is not a friend.

I wouldn't even say that, his share should come out of his own pocket. If he can't afford it then go without him.

So God knows how much he's already borrowed from friends. You'll all get burnt. If the project is property, the market is crap at the moment. You've no idea of how much secured debt he has, and what number in the line up of dumb friends giving him tens of thousands you sit. If it's the difference between him making a profit for all his work, and paying back unsecured loans what do you think he'll do? Honestly, this is madness. Hopefully nobody will loan the money to your DH. Remind him strongly that he has to be honest about what the loan is for or it's fraud.

Completely insane. All your points are very valid. You can't ever know what the future holds. Your husband honestly wants to tie himself (and by default you) to a loan, that's not even for his own family, so he can 'lend' his friend money?!!!! There is a very real possibility that his friend never pays him a penny back, and your husband is stuck paying for the loan for years to come.

If you have debts, then how sure are you, that your husband will be able to have the loan....at all or if it's not secured against collateral??!! You definitely don't want any loans taken out that are secured against your home.

As sympathetic I may be to someone having financial issues, and not being able to finish a building project, this isn't your husband's issue to solve. He shouldn't be putting his own financial security in jeopardy to help someone else. That's madness and completely irresponsible.

Hi OP. Just wondering if you have a financial advisor that the pair of you could consult in order to try and talk some sense into your DH? Failing that, a different objective friend or relative? He might listen to someone else more readily.

The OP says this person is borrowing/wants to borrow from several people, presumably so he doesn't have to ask one person for one truly huge amount.
Which doesn't make it sound like any less of a disaster.

Doesn't that say it all!

OP, I suggest putting your opening post into ChatGPT. Ot sums up all the above comments and of course says you are not being unreasonable. Would he listen to an AI reply?

He must get this fully documented if he is stupid enough to do it.

Ask him how he is going to explain to the children if he ends up £30K out of pocket. What will they have to give up on? Family holidays?

The bit I don't get is your stupid husband is paying the loan repayments, why cant said friend pay the repayments, he cant expect your husband to pay the monthly amount and friend just give 30k back when he sells the house,what about the interest.
That friend with or with out loan is going to go bankrupt, he knows full well he will never give it back. Your stupid husband is obvs in ore of this idiot for some reason. The whole thing including your marriage is doomed. How can you know your husband hasn't actually gone and got the loan already?
Plus 30k on a major building project, is a drop in the ocean,it definitely will not seen it finished. It will keep him afloat a month tops

£30k makes even less sense!

There's no way in hell that £30k is the difference been a viable and unviable project. It's just too small a margin!l for it to even be creditable.

If it was accurate, the bank would provide it.
Creditors could also be stretched - not a fan but it's an option.
Negotiations would be reached and late payment with compensation achieved .
The end purchase would provide a prepayment just to get it finished.

If £30k would make that much difference it wouldn't be a problem.

As you husband the following,
Does he know value of the project which has been independently valued?
Has he the full costings, including contigency and paymemt milestones?
Has he PM reports?
Has he a full set of financial accounts, including managememlnt accounts showing a full solvent and liquod position? (He doesn't and there's not liquidity whatsoever)

Your husband might as well burn the £30k now!

He'll never see it again.

He'll be an unsecured creditor in a shitshow!

I would divorce a man this stupid.

So he owes to not only banks, but other PEOPLE as well? He won’t pay all of you back…

So the friend is borrowing off a lot of people, this story gets worse and worse. How much is the project costing, how much is the shortfall and how much will the completed project be worth ?

Sounds like a complete disaster. Does the friend have financial and construction experience?