AIBU to object to my husband taking a large loan for a friend?

Your husband is banking on his friendship being worth £30,000 plus interest to this friend. It won't be. You can get friends much more easily than that.

If this worked as a business it would.be eligible for loans. Your husband is throwing good money after bad.

You'll never see that money again. You're husband needs his head seeing to. What if the friend dies? He's obviously under a lot of pressure and stranger things have happened. This building project sounds like a flight of fancy if he's likely to go bankrupt before it's finished and he's also maxed out on borrowing from other people. Hardly a safe bet any way you look at it.

Presumably if he, or he and you jointly, have loans and debts such that you cannot save (which is not a criticism) then there's a chance he won't get a loan against his salary. In which case you can say no to one against joint assets. But sadly it will fracture your relationship either way. Either he goes ahead unilaterally, disregarding that you are in a partnership. Or you veto a loan, which his pride will take a hit on. Maybe drive home to him that he would rather damage your marriage, than damage his standing with his friend.

If the project was viable, someone would lend. He’s throwing good money after bad, your dh will never see a penny of it returned.

So he wants a loan of £30k for his mate, in the opening OP and furthur on I was under the impression it was going to be more like £100k. In the respect OP was being so dramatic about the high figures.
My answer would still be no to a loan.

A couple of grand, not 30K.

She says the friend has loaned them money before so she probably is sorry she can't return the favour

The OP just needs to make sure that they get the full sum back and ideally interest and more.

'just' is doing a lot of work in that sentence!
There are so many possible scenarios in which they do not get the full sum back, let alone interest, let alone any sort of gains.
I don't see any way in which it can be guaranteed, and so I agree with you that saying no would be sensible.

NO, she doesn't have to say she's sorry

So "friend" needs 30K to finish but has a vague project end date of a year, maybe 18 months?
No, if you read the OP's posts properly you'll see she says he's asking to borrow sums of money from various people, INCLUDING 30K from the OP's DH.

It's not necessarily a money pit though. The OP needs to check the books carefully. VERY carefully due to the red flags.

Years ago a couple of uni friends did something similar. One was working on a build project for a BTL but got his costs wrong and was at risk of losing everything. His best mate helped him out with the shortfall and essentially became a business partner (as this wasnt being sold.) 15 years later after marriage and kids, they sold off the project and both walked away with a huge sum of money.

The OP just needs to make sure that they get the full sum back and ideally interest and more. If that can't be guaranteed then saying no would be sensible.

This. If the banks won't lend it to him why on earth should your DH?

Can you speak to the friend yourself and explain your sorry but you don't have the money and can he tell your husband he doesn't need it anymore as if this goes ahead he'll be ruining his best friends marriage

I have been in your exact same position and posted about it 6 months ago. The only difference was my dh wasn’t charging him interest and the wife is a friend of mine. Dh’s friend asked him to keep it a secret from me (which he didn’t).

You can imagine the replies I got.. much the same as yours. During the period of the loan, I would hear from my friend (who didn’t know about the loan) about their latest trip to Disney and all her shopping trips. Another difference was that the money was being leant from dh’s company so it didn’t impact us on a daily basis.

In our case the loan was paid off (I checked with our accountant) more or less on time, even though he defaulted a couple of months.

In your situation you are going to have to explain to your dh that you are a partnership, he isn’t a single person and it is totally unreasonable to make a decision that will impact you without your agreement.

Try your best to talk him out of it. If he still wants to go ahead, then give him an ultimatum. It seems this friend/brother has been using your husband as a financial crutch over the years and that's possibly why they've remained friends for so long: the friend simply knows your husband will always be around to lend him money when he needs it.

When I was a teenager, my dad loaned A LOT of money to a 'friend' overseas. The guy needed the money to finance a property development.

Anyway, let's just say that after the friend received the funds, the excuses came thick and fast. After a while the 'friend' told my dad that his wife had cancer and it was one of those situations where it became unbearable because short of hiring a PI and finding out if it was true or not, it put my dad in a really bad situation. I can't remember exactly how long the friend took to pay back the loan, but I remember that when he did (5-10 years later) it was with zero interest.

My dad really learnt from that whole experience. It put loads of strain on him and his health declined. Suffice it to say that he and the 'friend' no longer talk anymore

I would seriously advise your DH to steer clear of it.

I spat out my tea! unsecured borrowing from multiple lenders -he’s on the road to bankruptcy and wants company on the way. Clearly the reason the bank won’t lend to him is because he is so far in the hole at this point it’s not viable as a project any more - they won’t take the risk and neither should your husband or anyone else. Is your husband financially naive????

Even when the property is sold, you don’t know if he’d be able to pay you back. He already has other loans which will come before you in the queue - possibly secured on the property which is being built. You have no way of knowing anything will be left over when it’s sold.
Also, desperate people (and I imagine this friend is desperate) are seldom truthful. They will say what they think you need to hear in order to extract the cash, without a thought as to how they’ll pay it back.

I agree with you, it would be madness for your husband to do that. And being married you are one entity in law financially so you could end up being responsible down the line if it goes wrong. Major decisions like that should be joint in a marriage, you don't agree so it shouldn't be happening.

So "friend" needs 30K to finish but has a vague project end date of a year, maybe 18 months?

Come. On. Now.

I wouldn't be surprised if your husband has already given him some money and it sounds like you two are already overextended.

He's looking at committing fraud and he's prepared to risk your home. (Hopefully you aren't). That shows a mindset that doesn't prioritize you or the kids and their future, but his friend.

Get yourself to a lawyer ASAP. Get your info, divorce papers drawn up or whatever your process is, let him know you have them. This is that serious.

Problem for your husband is that either way the friendship is soured; he lends the money and it’s lost forever so friendship ends in anger or he doesn’t lend and friendship ends in resentment as friend will think oh well I supported them when they needed it but they can’t help me? I know the amounts are different but the principle in his head will be the same. So I do get that your husband is probably feeling rubbish all round. Plus they’ve both got the ‘what if’ mentality - what if the project works out and they both end up happy and best mates and money back in your pocket, dream project done etc. it’s hard to see past that o guess

I would say no because I’m risk adverse but if my husband really wanted to I’d struggle sticking to my guns. We do have savings though and don’t stress about money whereas your husband is telling you to tighten your belts on the one hand but then happy to add £700 a month loan repayment to the mix?! Very confusing. Ask to see a detailed plan of how he intends to finance the loan! That would be interesting.

It sounds like your husband is so desperate to help friend out of a hole that he's not seeing sense. Many building projects end up failing because of money and having to be abandoned. It really isn't a sure thing to throw more money at it and bank on selling later (obviously you know this).

Maybe it would help if you were to meet the actual issue, which isn't the money but the emotional side of not wanting to watch his good friend drown, especially as friend has helped him when he could. Ask how friend is, what's gone wrong to get to this point, consider whether you can help by making a spreadsheet and go through finances with worst case scenario. It's slightly fake as your aim there is to get him to see sense rather than you actually consider it. Does friend have a clear plan for the money with evidence that it would be enough (with quotes etc) so there's no risk of it getting absorbed into an empty money pit. You wouldn't want friend stuck with more people (you) that he owes money to and no way to repay as he'd be in an even worse position than now, plus it would hugely affect the friendship. Again, you're not actually after this info because it doesn't change anything for you, but going in gently like that might help DH see the craziness.

Is it possible the friend has a drug or gambling habit or is in some kind of trouble? £30k isn’t much to finish a project. Is he a flight risk? Con folk then do a runner? Wouldn’t be the first. Has he a new partner he’s trying to impress? Just very odd all in.

Do you have a trusted financial adviser you could discuss this with, who could perhaps make him see sense? This is a crazy situation x