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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to object to my husband taking a large loan for a friend?

411 replies

Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:05

My husband has had a friend for some 40 years, it is probably more accurate to describe his friend as being like a brother to him.

His friend has recently got into some financial difficulties due to a building project costing more than expected. His friend has no way of obtaining money to finish the building project, and without money to finish it, the whole project will need to be ‘written off’, essentially throwing tens if not hundreds of thousands of pounds away and facing bankruptcy. My husband then offered to get a loan out for a lot of money (tens of thousands), to give to his friend on the promise his friend pays it back (plus the interest) when the project is completed. His friend has leant him money in the past, but it has always been from his savings never anything like this. It’s also been small amounts - a couple of grand here and there.

I think this is absolutely insane. Me and my husband both earn very well, but we do not have any savings and have loans and debts ourselves. We have also committed to some very high expenses ourselves for the next few years, and my husband in particular has been very anxious about money, which has in turn made me very anxious and I have been trying to find ways to increase our income. This loan would be hundreds of pounds a month, which as I pointed out, why are we worrying about money when my husband can afford an additional hundreds of pounds on a loan?

I also pointed out things such as:

what if your friend can’t pay you back
what if the project costs more
what if you need it paid off and your friend wants more time
what if your friend falls ill
what if you lose your job
what if you fall out with your friend

Essentially pointing out all the reasons why this is nuts. I also told him that if he chooses to do this, I won’t be supporting him nor will I be taking any notice of his fretting about money or wanting to live frugally. I’ve told him if it affects our lives e.g him saying we can’t afford something, I’ll be reminding him of his ridiculous loan. We’ve had a massive argument because of it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cravingquiet · 28/07/2026 00:08

Nooo, that would be so reckless of your husband.

JemimaTab · 28/07/2026 00:05

If you and your husband already have debts yourselves, as you say, and no savings, then your financial position is pretty insecure already, even if your income is high. If you lose that income (anything can happen), you’re stuffed. You would have nothing to fall back on, but you’d still have the obligation to pay off this loan for the friend. So for that reason, I think this would be madness.

sittingonabeach · 28/07/2026 00:03

How come you don’t have any savings when you are on high salaries? How is DH going to afford the repayments?

Grumpynan · 28/07/2026 00:02

Everyone has said no, show him this, all the answers you have received.

it would be utter madness, it might be ok, he might manage to finish the work, he might manage to sell with enough profit to pay you back. He also might never finish, run over, need more (very likely) .

it will almost certainly ruin the friendship, and if it was me, it would beend of my marriage I wouldn’t be hanging around to see the outcome, and I certainly would make sure I wasn’t dragged down with them.

nocoolnamesleft · 28/07/2026 00:01

If the project is ever finished, and money from it will go to the official loans the friend took out, and the lowest last priority will be his mate, your DH. Probably never get a penny back. This is an insane idea.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/07/2026 00:01

Unless happy to write off the amount then no

i took a loan out for my then dh. As you do when married and in love

now divorced and he hasn’t paid it in 2yrs - guess who is paying it - as in my name

Venicelagoon · 27/07/2026 23:59

You dont know that it will make a profit though do you ? This is a really bad idea. If husband goes ahead he needs to get a legal charge on his friends house and make friend repay legal fees.

Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:55

Orders76 · 27/07/2026 23:51

You mentioned they lend to each other- if anything outstanding that gets paid now, plus maybe 5-10k if you have it, with a legal agreement.
Anything more than that, nope

He’s wanting to loan tens of thousands, not a couple of grand. I explained to him that I would only ever loan what I would be prepared to never get back, but he’s insistent his friend will pay him back and feels like he should because his friend has helped him in the past… never to this extent financially nor with personal loans!!

OP posts:
Orders76 · 27/07/2026 23:51

You mentioned they lend to each other- if anything outstanding that gets paid now, plus maybe 5-10k if you have it, with a legal agreement.
Anything more than that, nope

Bigminnie1 · 27/07/2026 23:48

I would not be able to forgive my DH if he agreed to do something like this. One thing it you are a multi millionaire but not in this situation in a million years.

thisisyoursign · 27/07/2026 23:48

Absolutely no way. You have loans and debts yourself and high expenses upcoming, keep on saying all the things about friend not being able to pay back etc. Just no way.

FloofyKat · 27/07/2026 23:47

No, no, no! There are so many tales on MN - and indeed elsewhere - where friend lending to friend has proved disastrous.

And the amount! He’s bonkers!

Just don’t do it, Mr Sefal!

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/07/2026 23:46

It really doesn't sound like there will be any profit if the friend has already borrowed everything he can. I'd also be wary of going on the deeds for the project, I'd be worried about your DH ending up Ina position where he's legally responsoble for project debts if he's down as a co-owner.

Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:39

SummerInSun · 27/07/2026 23:37

What asset is your DH going to secure this loan against? He will have to disclose to the bank what the loan is for and no bank is going to lend him hundreds of thousands of pounds to pass on as an unsecured loan to a mate. The bank will want security over an asset your husband has. From what you say, you don’t have enough savings to cover it, so is he planning on securing it against your family home?! If you are on the deeds of the home, he can’t do that without your consent, which I assume you will - and rightly so - refuse to provide. That should be the end of it.

I am on the deeds.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:38

SummerInSun · 27/07/2026 23:37

What asset is your DH going to secure this loan against? He will have to disclose to the bank what the loan is for and no bank is going to lend him hundreds of thousands of pounds to pass on as an unsecured loan to a mate. The bank will want security over an asset your husband has. From what you say, you don’t have enough savings to cover it, so is he planning on securing it against your family home?! If you are on the deeds of the home, he can’t do that without your consent, which I assume you will - and rightly so - refuse to provide. That should be the end of it.

My husband reckons he will be able to get a personal loan against his salary (which is high).

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 27/07/2026 23:37

What asset is your DH going to secure this loan against? He will have to disclose to the bank what the loan is for and no bank is going to lend him hundreds of thousands of pounds to pass on as an unsecured loan to a mate. The bank will want security over an asset your husband has. From what you say, you don’t have enough savings to cover it, so is he planning on securing it against your family home?! If you are on the deeds of the home, he can’t do that without your consent, which I assume you will - and rightly so - refuse to provide. That should be the end of it.

Badgerstmary · 27/07/2026 23:37

100% no

Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:35

Glidinglikeaswan · 27/07/2026 23:32

So, the project is failing and facing a massive cost overrun. Is there any likelihood it will make a profit? Or break even? What are the chances of your DH's friend actually being able to pay him back? There is a reason he can't borrow commercially - it's too high risk.

Also, the organisation making the loan to your DH will want to know what it is for. If your husband is honest "to lend to a friend who is not creditworthy to spend on a failing project" he isn't going to get the loan. If he lies, then that's fraud and deception. If your husband wants a face-saving way to backtrack then saying he has been refused the loan would be a good way out.

The plan seems to be that the building work gets completed, sold, then at that point the loan is repaid from the profit.

OP posts:
PhoenixReincarnated · 27/07/2026 23:34

Just ... no!

Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:33

WallaceinAnderland · 27/07/2026 23:29

Is it an unsecured loan?

This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Either you both agree to do it or it doesn't happen.

It would be a personal loan in husbands name.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sefal · 27/07/2026 23:33

morgan56 · 27/07/2026 23:28

Worried about money, no savings and debt/loans already hmm?
The loans will surely need to be paid back in instalments straight away? Can he cover it until the friends project is complete? When is that timewise?!

I asked when the building work was likely to be completed and he said: ‘1 year, 18 months, who cares as long as I get the money back.’ This was said in the heat of the argument.

OP posts:
Glidinglikeaswan · 27/07/2026 23:32

So, the project is failing and facing a massive cost overrun. Is there any likelihood it will make a profit? Or break even? What are the chances of your DH's friend actually being able to pay him back? There is a reason he can't borrow commercially - it's too high risk.

Also, the organisation making the loan to your DH will want to know what it is for. If your husband is honest "to lend to a friend who is not creditworthy to spend on a failing project" he isn't going to get the loan. If he lies, then that's fraud and deception. If your husband wants a face-saving way to backtrack then saying he has been refused the loan would be a good way out.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/07/2026 23:29

Is it an unsecured loan?

This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Either you both agree to do it or it doesn't happen.

morgan56 · 27/07/2026 23:28

Worried about money, no savings and debt/loans already hmm?
The loans will surely need to be paid back in instalments straight away? Can he cover it until the friends project is complete? When is that timewise?!

MrsPerfect12 · 27/07/2026 23:26

Is this for a building of sorts. If so he needs to be on the deeds as part owner until paid back or will that cause other issues?
I wouldn’t t loan the money.

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