AIBU to object to my husband taking a large loan for a friend?

Yet a normal bank is saying no to thd friend.

As a married couple you may have joint and several liability for debts - I’d be concerned if payments are coming out of a joint account, or if the loan is secured against joint property. For your peace of mind I’d speak with a solicitor. Actually if he’s this reckless I’d be speaking to a solicitor anyway about how to protect your personal finances generally. It might also be worth taking along a complete picture of your shared and individual finances to understand what a divorce settlement could be expected to look like - obviously you would be pressing for the loan to come out of his share!

OP this is utterly reckless, and as other posters have said, the friend has so many other creditors that even if the project turned a profit, your DH would have to get in line to get anything back.

You say your DH is confident he can get a personal loan against his high salary. If it’s tens of thousands l doubt that will be the case - it will need to be secured. Most banks cap personal unsecured loans at £25,000-£35,000. And when the lender asks what other debts he has and what the money will be used for what’s he going to tell them ? Because the truth - he already has outstanding debts and the loan is to give to someone who has maxed out their own credit and who high street lenders won’t touch - won’t fly. So, on top of everything else, he will have obtained the loan fraudulently if he lies.

If he goes ahead with this you need to protect yourself. Set up an alert on the land registry website so that if he attempts to secure the loan against your home without your knowledge, you’ll be notified, as well as being alerted to any searches on the property from lenders. I have to say this would be marriage ending for me - putting friendship above the financial security of his family would be a deal breaker.

Who's asking for it to be signed against the house?

Nonsense

Proverbs 22:26-27 NIV
[26] Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; [27] if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.

https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.22.26-27.NIV

Proverbs 17:18 NIV
[18] One who has no sense shakes hands in pledge and puts up security for a neighbor.

https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.17.18.NIV

Proverbs 6:1-5 NIV
[1] My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, [2] you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth. [3] So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest! [4] Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. [5] Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

bible.com/bible/111/pro.6.1-5.NIV

Obviously this is foolish because it’s an amount of money he will never see again, but it sounds like your DH is just as reckless with money.
So to come at it from a different angle, do you have a proper family budget? Because you say your DH has been fussing about money and how you need to save, yet is now willing to take on a debt with monthly repayments. Do you actually know you can’t afford that as a unit?
I’d be asking him to create a monthly budget to show how he thinks he can fund the monthly repayments. If it shows you can afford it, that implies there’s been some financial abuse going on…and if you can afford it, it becomes about his appetite to write off a sum of money that could have otherwise been your family savings.

A colleague had an on-off boyfriend... He was cocklodging with her for few months... He was a car crash.

He persuaded her to take out a loan for a motorbike (he'd already crashed several), as he was such a bad credit risk. The amount was more than her gross annual income.

He crashed the bike within a month... He moved our soon after. He kept saying he'd repay... He didn't..

She couldn't afford to repay. After a year he more or less disappeared.

He paid precisely ONE repayment... His rationale? Why should I repay it? ... The motorbike has been scrapped...

She has agressive bailiffs at door (years ago when they still could be...)

She prioritised paying motorbike loan..as It was high interest...

She lost her home having defaulted on mortgage

She had to move back to her parents .. She picked up all the overtime she could to try and keep above water.

She lost her job.... As she could no longer cope with commute from her parents.

All caused by this awful bloke... Who was supposed to be her bestie /boyf..

It took her over a decade to get back where she was

Don't be her!

Which he won’t be able to get because he will have obtained the loan fraudulently. No bank or loan company is going to lend him the money if he’s truthful about the reason, so he’ll have to lie.

If the debt is entirely in DH’s name, OP can’t be held liable for it. And unless the loan was used to benefit the family as a whole, it would not be considered matrimonial debt in the event of divorce. Courts generally view a loan taken out to bail out a friend as a personal choice, not a marital need, and would almost certainly expect DH clear the debt entirely from his own share of assets, without reducing OP’s entitlement.

Thing is they have no savings and have debts of their own.
The dh is a nutter.

Sheer lunacy on what the DH is going to embark on.
If he does it this will not end well.
And if the project over runs on time and money ..what then.

It’s one thing loaning the friend from your savings, but to take out a loan for the friend - absolutely not.

But any legal agreement? Yes a court would agree he has to repay..

But probably 1p in £1....

It is utterly pointless thinking of taking an almost bankrupt person to court...

A whole load of stress for you...

You WILL NOT GET THE MONEY BACK... THERE IS A REASON BANKS WON'T LOAN HIM ANY MORE MONEY!!

This is mental. You said you don’t have savings and have debts of your own and now your DH wants to take on debts for his friend. Friend has already shown he failed with this build, who’s to say adding tens of thousands more will fix the issues or be enough to complete the build?

You’ve been a misery about money and turns out you have it to spare for things you care about, which is clearly not us.

This is a very big thing. Sorry, OP.

Would be surprised if DH fully discloses that the loan will be obtained

If my DH said this I would tell him I will divorce him if he goes through with it - and I’d mean it. So he knew how serious I was. He could ruin both your financial futures. If your friend can’t borrow commercially there is probably a good reason. You need to look after your own family first.

He needs a legal agreement for the friend to repay AT THE BARE MINIMUM. I agree I’d say I will not accept any comments about our spending. I’ve been stressing about finding ways to bring in more money and I won’t be doing that anymore. If this goes south so does our marriage, and if you cant make our own finances work then our marriage is in the toilet. You’ve been a misery about money and turns out you have it to spare for things you care about, which is clearly not us. I don’t accept this life with you anymore.

Me and my husband both earn very well, but we do not have any savings and have loans and debts ourselves

Of course taking out a loan for someone else who has already overextended themselves has a high probability that it's going to go wrong but in your financial position you're probably not going to be able to borrow 'tens of thousands of pounds' at a sensible interest rate.

Surely you need to be concentrating on getting out of your own debt not taking on more for someone else?

This will end the friendship anyway when either the loan doesn’t get paid back or the friend starts resenting paying. Can’t he just say sorry my wife’s vetoed this and won’t sign against house, if he’s not brave enough to say no

Does this friend have some hold over your DH or something? I’m trying to think how on earth someone would ever agree to this. The friend having loaned smaller amounts to your DH over the years is irrelevant, it doesn’t mean DH now has to loan back many times the value of those loans (or indeed anything!) I can only think he’s blackmailing your DH with some information he doesn’t want to come out, I can’t see how someone could be stupid enough to agree to this. I hope DH sees sense OP.

I really sympathise with the friend. Building projects are so intensive, so many moving parts, so many different kinds of decisions, so much sweat and toil, that they easily become part of who you are. The greater your personal investment, the greater your emotional involvement.

Having always done refurbs instead of buying 'ready to move in', that's what I did after my divorce. It felt like my opportunity to be fully myself and create a home I could truly love. A lot of other bad things happened in my life all at once. Anyone with just a metre of detachment could see my project was becoming unsustainable - but, like someone clinging to a bad relationship thinking it'll get better if I try harder, I let my involvement override logic.

I switched to a 'sub-prime' mortgage lender offering 130% of an already inflated value. I maxed out all credit lines including store cards. I ran out of money and had to sell my beautiful, almost finished home for the exact amount the mortgage company now reckoned I owed them. I was bankrupt, heartbroken, and felt like a terrible failure.

Fortunately (I suppose), I faced facts before asking friends & family for continuing funds. This was because I'd have to ask for so much to cover ongoing loan repayments, I was vanishingly unlikely to be able to make enough profit on the property to pay them back within ten years.

All of which is a deeply personal way of agreeing that, if the banks won't lend it, neither should a friend! I'm very sorry for all three of you in this predicament but, if DH can't afford to hand over the money and count it a potential cost of friendship, then he can't afford to help his friend. The fact that he'll have to borrow the funds - while already stretched by other commitments - only reinforces the unwisdom of doing so.

My parents always taught me that you never lend money unless you can afford to never see it again. As everyone here is saying it is madness for many reasons. It will presumably also have an affect on your credit rating(?) and therefore if you're remortgaging or needing a loan for yourselves any time soon will have a direct impact on you. I hope you don't have any children.

If he’s a good friend, I’d message him asking him not to accept your DH’s offer as it’s already putting pressure on your marriage.