DH trying to force oral

So its important for him to be fully ready, but not you then?

I can see why its only a few times a year. Even that is too much for a neanderthal like him

I think its impossible to judge relationship dynamics or condemn anything but what i'd say OP is I think you should have a calm discussion with him and just tell him outright how much you disliked what he was doing, how it seemed to you like he ignored you saying "No" and remind him of your history and how it made you feel. if he's a good person he will probably be mortified.

mostly pornography but also the way sex and relationships are presented in so much of mainstream culture if we are honest about it.

That's really not on OP. My H once did something similar, pushed me down on the kitchen floor and shoved his bits and bobs right in my face so I couldn't see anything or hardly breathe and wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought it was funny but it was extremely annoying and disrespectful at the time. I haven't had your terrible childhood experience either, so can't imagine how you must be feeling.

I'm not sure what makes men feel that women are always up for it or are just sexual toys. He needs to be aware that you should only say no once, amd he should respect your wishes. His attitude to being told that will tell you all you need to know.

He should be fucking ashamed of himself bang out of order - you know what you need to do so I am not gonns say it.

Hoping and asking fine. Ignoring your no- not fine

Honestly I'd be stopping having sex with him completely and putting that energy into your medium/long-term plan to leave.

The men on this thread stand out a mile.

Your husband is an incredibly selfish lover. Sorry an evening that should have been about spending time together and building intimacy was wrecked by your husband being a dick

"I'm going to write this graphic description of a man's completely inappropriate sexual behaviour but you're not allowed to give me honest advice".

It's not prudish to consider it OK for them to WANT it, but not - as you insinuate - to EXPECT it. And also, given that oral is "a perfectly normal part of a healthy sex life", how about suggesting that to OP's partner who's only interested in receiving it while refusing to provide it in his turn? Hardly a healthy sex life if it's only about him getting serviced.

Has this always been the case?

Bad, on several fronts.

I know you've done this already, but if you want to put him to a real test, sit him down if you get a quiet moment, look at him, and make it crystal clear that if you don't look keen on something or say no, that he is to respect that, otherwise it makes you feel distressed, uncomfortable, especially due to your sexual abuse history.

He's already behaved poorly, so if he ignored you again, honestly....I'd divorce him, but appreciate it's not that easy when you have kids.

You should be able to trust a man sexually 100%. The cost and risk to women is to great not to.

I've got a very simple rule. If your put your penis near my mouth when I said no, I will bite you. You only need to bite once for them to understand you mean it.

This happened to me many years ago in my early marriage and juggling a young family too. Ended up just blurting it out one evening that my preferences had changed and found myself explaining to my otherwise kind hubbie what I would like instead. For us it was a communication issue and I was able to sort it out. Only you will know if this can be fixed.

Because it’s not normal to have a husband who tries to force you to do sexual things that you do not want to do , that’s why .what are you on about ?

OP - next time Theres “us” time and he’s on top keep pushing his head and say “just a little suck”.

A LOT of men see a woman's body as a toy that can be used - especially once they're in a committed relationship. It's a major reason I prefer to be single. So many of them just seem to have this sense of ownership over our bodies. It's absolutely grim. We don't do the same to them!

Ugh, how awful. No means no. Anything less than enthusiastic consent is a no. It's bad enough on its own, but he knows you're a survivor of SA. 😢

It sounds like you don't find it acceptable that your dh does this. Plenty of men hear the word no as soon as it's said. I'm sure plenty don't, like your dh. Some wives put up with it, others choose to leave. That's the only thing you have control over, so the first thing you should be thinking about, rather than somehow trying to normalise his behaviour by suggesting it's just what men do.

I think he definitely needs to be told that one No means no, and if he pushes again that would be the last time you have sex. He thinks its nothing to you and you can just "have a little suck" just like that - tell him next time you will try to make him do something he doesn't particularly like, how would that feel?

In addition to being generally stupid a lot of men still have this delusion that women need to be convinced to do certain sexual acts because, if they overcome their prudence (or whatever) they will enjoy it. Porn has a lot to answer for.

Having to get cross, push him back and say no THREE times really isn't normal. That is more than 'a little pushy' and forceful sounds entirely accurate.

OP uses the word force in the title of this thread, so it would seem to be how she views it.

I'm obviously missing something as from what OP describes there wasn't really any forcing involved... perhaps a little too pushy and enthusiastic in the heat of the moment, but nothing that an honest conversation with her DH about her feelings could not resolve. It also seems that her previous experience of SA may be clouding how she feels about this. I just can't really understand the massive hysteria of women on this thread equating her DH to some kind of bestial rapist. I feel like I must live on a completely different planet to most of you, if you are really serious about how you view this incident and not just ramping it up for MN.

I really believe it would be dangerous to pretend they are, because it make it sound like it's some weird curse we should just accept.

No, having a sexual relation with a man (or a woman) doesn't mean someone can try to force something on someone. That's not normal, that's abuse at best. Normal relationships are not abusive!