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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

512 replies

sweeel · 27/07/2026 15:54

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweeel · 28/07/2026 19:55

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:48

She really should be considering public transport and independence and you as a parent should’ve been encouraging that.

So im not surprised she’s struggling to do those normal things that a 17 year old should take in their stride lol!

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She's not struggling, she can take a taxi, bus, train fine without any need from me lol

OP posts:
renovationqueen · 28/07/2026 19:55

I went to Kavos for a week with my friends in the summer after I turned 17!
Unless she’s vulnerable in some sort of way you are being massively overprotective

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:48

sweeel · 28/07/2026 19:39

Yep but she does also expect me there to be honest. My "fault" as that's just how it always has been, so she doesn't consider anything like a bus etc. unless no one is free, so I'll pick her up whenever she needs it, but I don't find this such a large grievance or anything lol it's absolutely fine by me

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She really should be considering public transport and independence and you as a parent should’ve been encouraging that.

So im not surprised she’s struggling to do those normal things that a 17 year old should take in their stride lol!

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:46

sweeel · 28/07/2026 19:37

She has freedom lol, she's never once been stopped from going somewhere, I just wanted to consider it this time. I can assure you she's not being restricted or contained at home haha.

Maybe she will want to move out though with uni changing her mind and that'd be great for her even though she's certain she wants to come back right now. I do also know her so well obviously and she's unlikely to change her mind, but obviously people change and if she does change her mind after seeing what it's like to live independently, as surprising as it'd be, I'd be all there for it

I really don't think I'm a negative person at all just looking for what's best for her to be honest. The world is dangerous so I don't need to ignore those facts, but I obviously understand going to the cinema at night is fine to do now.

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Honestly your anxiety and negativity is very obvious!

Yes your child may have been conditioned through that! I mean your original AIBU was off the wall for a 17 year old.

Good luck, I hope your DD grows wings at Uni lol!

Cooooold · 28/07/2026 19:44

Hey sweel. Its really difficult to let go and to know whats normal and whats too authoritarian or liberal, I think some people have been a bit harsh in their wording with you. Its not negative to be aware of how things can go wrong and to be protective. You sound like a lovely Mum who wants to do the right thing, your daughter will know it comes from a place of love and will remember her teenage years as feeling loved and protected. X

MiddleAgedDread · 28/07/2026 19:43

They’re probably going clubbing under the guise of the cinema ;)

Stopsnowing · 28/07/2026 19:42

It is fine as an evening out and not too late or dangerous. It is unreasonable however to expect a lift home and I do see why you might worry even re a taxi. Would be better if she could stay with her friend.

Original poster
sweeel · 28/07/2026 19:39

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:32

Er, it’s the mother that wants to collect t her

Don't have an issue going to collect her, a little annoying but that's fine by me, and I'd much rather get her than her take a taxi or bus late at night or something which I do think is a bit more dangerous

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Yep but she does also expect me there to be honest. My "fault" as that's just how it always has been, so she doesn't consider anything like a bus etc. unless no one is free, so I'll pick her up whenever she needs it, but I don't find this such a large grievance or anything lol it's absolutely fine by me

OP posts:
Original poster
sweeel · 28/07/2026 19:37

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:28

She’s 99% living with you unless

she changes her mind?

I think the freedom of Uni, will make her want to live away from home lol!

You sound very negative, the worlds dangerous, the economy, home is the only safe place.

Honestly so much angst!

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She has freedom lol, she's never once been stopped from going somewhere, I just wanted to consider it this time. I can assure you she's not being restricted or contained at home haha.

Maybe she will want to move out though with uni changing her mind and that'd be great for her even though she's certain she wants to come back right now. I do also know her so well obviously and she's unlikely to change her mind, but obviously people change and if she does change her mind after seeing what it's like to live independently, as surprising as it'd be, I'd be all there for it

I really don't think I'm a negative person at all just looking for what's best for her to be honest. The world is dangerous so I don't need to ignore those facts, but I obviously understand going to the cinema at night is fine to do now.

OP posts:
Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:32

Steeleydan · 28/07/2026 19:01

Er not when the child is expecting her mother to come out a past midnight to fetch her! Fuck that,she wanted to be independent then she gets a late bus or a taxi/uber

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Er, it’s the mother that wants to collect t her

Don't have an issue going to collect her, a little annoying but that's fine by me, and I'd much rather get her than her take a taxi or bus late at night or something which I do think is a bit more dangerous

Wingingit73 · 28/07/2026 19:32

She's 17. Give her taxi money. She's a young adult.

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:29

Steeleydan · 28/07/2026 19:01

Er not when the child is expecting her mother to come out a past midnight to fetch her! Fuck that,she wanted to be independent then she gets a late bus or a taxi/uber

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But OP doesn’t want that….. it’s dangerous 🤷‍♀️

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/07/2026 19:28

Can she stop over with her friend?

Pinkchickenwine · 28/07/2026 19:28

sweeel · 28/07/2026 18:47

Yep she will be travelling alone sometimes at uni fair that's fine, but she is like 99% living with me lol unless she changes her mind. That is genuinely her decision I have no issue with what she chooses but with the economy as it is right now I'm sure she'd prefer to have a stable home and comfort while she builds her career before even thinking about moving out

Show quote history

She’s 99% living with you unless

she changes her mind?

I think the freedom of Uni, will make her want to live away from home lol!

You sound very negative, the worlds dangerous, the economy, home is the only safe place.

Honestly so much angst!

Caniweartheseones · 28/07/2026 19:27

ofcolitas · 27/07/2026 15:58

Do you like to have a few drinks before bedtime in order to help you sleep OP? Because in real life it was always the mothers who liked a drink who didn't want to do the late night drives.

If so, just don't drink for that night.

Wat?!

Daygloboo · 28/07/2026 19:23

sweeel · 27/07/2026 15:54

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

If you are very anxious why dont you just leave a bit early and make sure you are definitely there on time. Take a nice bar of chocolate with you, park up and just have a few minutes to yourself. And maybe it would be good if your child learnt to drive sooner rather than later so she has a bit of autonomy but is also safe. If you are a particularly anxious parent, you will feel better if she can drive.

Shhhhitsmagic · 28/07/2026 19:23

Crikey, I was out clubbing until 4am and travelling abroad with friends from the age of 16 😂

Zaza2020 · 28/07/2026 19:20

I was working full time at 15 years old and going out to pubs at 16. Yes, she can go and you dont need to like it or dislike it as she is an adult. If she allows you to pick her up, that may put your mind at rest. It cant be easy letting them go as they get older to i understand you worrying.

RedRock41 · 28/07/2026 19:06

I was working in another country at 17, before mobile phones when writing letters was still the done thing. It’s summer. She has her friend and you’re collecting her. Don’t helicopter parent.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 28/07/2026 19:03

I've got a 17 year old, and she will always be "my baby". Its natural to want to protect them, but its important that we let them spread their wings. The news is depressing and can give the impression that it's not safe out there, but she will be fine. Honestly.
Top tip, chalk up the late night lifts you give and call them in once she can drive 😉🤣

Steeleydan · 28/07/2026 19:01

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/07/2026 15:55

She's 17, surely it's her decision?!

Er not when the child is expecting her mother to come out a past midnight to fetch her! Fuck that,she wanted to be independent then she gets a late bus or a taxi/uber

Coronaperona · 28/07/2026 18:55

Oh bless you op.

if it’s any consolation age 7 (not 17) I was coming out of the cinema at about midnight after having seen a film with my dad. He wanted to see it and I was his excuse to go 😂😂😂 my mum was raging he kept me up late on a school night. I remember it yet and it was a very long time ago.

JJWT · 28/07/2026 18:55

I consider myself strict and I would allow this, and at 16 as well, maybe younger for the cinema. They would come home in an uber if it didn't want the faff of getting them.

Jade9114 · 28/07/2026 18:51

She is 17 of course it’s unreasonable not to let her go to the cinema at that time . Next year she could be at uni out all night

Original poster
sweeel · 28/07/2026 18:50

WonderingWanda · 28/07/2026 16:49

Op don't you ever go to the cinema in the evening? I feel certain if you did you'd not be as anxious for dd's safety. What do you think will happen? Especially as you sre collecting her, it's not like she's planning a walk home on her own in the dark.

No I don't actually, always go in the afternoon, probably why I was a bit nervous but it's all good now, I understand that it is completely fine

OP posts:
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