AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

If you don't want to pick her up so late could she stay the night with her friend? How is the friend getting home? Being out at midnight at a cinema is not really a risky activity though.

I’m surprised she hasn’t been out ‘that late’ before, she is 17. Does she never spend evenings with her friends?

But she's not going to be 'out' late at night. She's going to be in a cinema, and then you are collecting her. Presumably you can be there when the film is due to end.

I'm not understanding the part that you feel will be dangerous for her. Walking from the cinema to your car? Is it a long way? There will be lots of other people around as they will all have just finished watching the same film. I'm sure some will be walking the same way. She will be absolutely fine. Even if she was getting a taxi/Uber, she would also be fine.

She won’t turn 18 and magically be able to safely be out late at night.

You have to gradually give more and more independence as she gets older. Put in appropriate rules or guidelines in place of course but you need to let her learn.

Managing adult things, like being out late at night, takes practice. A trip to the cinema with a friend seems like an excellent, safe way to practice that life skill.

Encourage her to do it again, or similar evening outings over the summer so she gets comfortable and knows how to plan well and risk assess.

In a years time she’ll be potentially out late having had alcohol (or with friends who have had alcohol) she needs to really cement this skill now while that isn’t a factor.

Also while I absolutely understand your concerns about Ubers and taxis she also needs to learn that skill safely for next year.

Don't have an issue going to collect her, a little annoying but that's fine by me, and I'd much rather get her than her take a taxi or bus late at night or something which I do think is a bit more dangerous

Couldn't she stay at her friend's and come home the next morning?

When my sister and I were in our teens, we could do (more or less) what we wanted, but the rule was we had to make our own arrangements to get there and back. We weren't to expect our dad to act as a late night taxi service.

Good grief - my daughter was going to the Download festival at 16, as were many of her friends - I can’t imagine telling her that she couldn’t go to see a film that was ending at midnight when she was 17! 🤣🤣

Is the problem with her safety at that time or your driving there?

I wouldn't have a problem from a safety point of view. However, I personallly wouldn't be disrupting my normal bedtime to pick her up at midnight apart from very special occasions! I'd therefore tell her to look at alternatives as I wasn't going to provide a taxi service at that time.

She should sleep at her friend's house if that's in the same town. But she's too old for you to be dictating what time she goes to the cinema.

In less than a year she can get married, have a full time job, she's already old enough to drive and legally have a child of her own!

You really need to treat her more like an adult. Do you really think she won't be safe because it's dark?

At 15 I was telling my parents I was staying at friends when really I was in nightclubs until 4am or out drinking and camping. Be grateful she tells you what she’s doing and where she is. She is 17 she will be fine

Why did you say 'no it's not' and then go on to say it's fine 🤔

Ar 17, not only is she able to go out late, but she's also perfectly capable of getting a taxi home. Or his will she ever learn how to do such normal things?

It’s not a school night and she wants to go do something entirely wholesome. The only catch is that you have to pick her up late.

we set time home by the activity. I wouldn’t be phased by this at all. Luckily mine could drive herself because I am an early bird.

It’s totally fine @sweeel honestly. In a years time she might be at uni. The fact that it’s dark is meaningless surely, unless you don’t like her being out at 4pm in December? Cinema trip very safe. You pick up in car park - all good.

Are you worried you might be too tired to drive? That’s valid tbf, I might have an 8pm nap if practicable.

A lot of people don't think about children with additional needs/medical needs and just tell you that it's legal for a 16 year old to have their own child, just because their children didn't have any additional needs. You know your own child, and if there are reasons why she needs more support/is unable to make the same sorts of decisions a s "typical" 17 year old, it's not wrong for you to try to support her (if that is the case) and it might be worth discussing her needs with any support or social workers, if that applies.

No, it’s not.

Op, she is 17, and if you collect her, I don’t see a problem.
I’m 38 now, but when I was 17, I was going clubbing and getting the first bus home at 5:30am on weekends. I guess growing up in Eastern Europe is just different 😅

I was in nightclubs at 16 with a mate's sister's ID. Come on OP, she's 17 🤣

I used to be out clubbing until 3am at that age, you’re being way too overprotective 😂

Can she stay at her friends how is she getting home ?

This was completely standard practice when I was 17. But I understand Generation Z / Alpha are a lot more mollycoddled than my generation were (Millennial) so they may not be as streetwise, hence OP’s worry?

Is she a “sensible” 17 year-old? Has she been out with friends at night before?

In a year she could be away at uni and out till all hours. What did you do at 17? I know I was out clubbing and on the last tube home.

I don't know what you are worried about, her being out at 11.30 or picking her up? Surely you will just be picking her up from the cinema? Im sure they will be fine.

Do you like to have a few drinks before bedtime in order to help you sleep OP? Because in real life it was always the mothers who liked a drink who didn't want to do the late night drives.

If so, just don't drink for that night.

Uber home?