AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

What do you actually think is more dangerous now?

For example I was 17 about 20 years ago. 17yo me didn't have a mobile phone and neither did my parent so if I was out and wanted to contact them I'd have to find a pay phone which worked, some change and hope parent was at home and not using house phone.

17yo now can share location with mum the entire night, should they please.

What do you think, in this scenario, is more dangerous than "when I was 17"?

We were doing this in the UK too lol

If your issue was about having to go and get her at midnight, I'd say that it's fine to object. But she's 17 and you're worried that she's going to be out until almost midnight? That's. VVVVU

Park up outside the cinema and collect her as soon as the film is over ?

You weren't just asking, your instinct was not to let her go, and you need to seriously think about starting to treat her as the near adult she is. Your post wasn't generally asking fir views, you said "I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late"

Teenagers today are no more likely to face physical harm from a stranger than they were 20 years ago. The different times we are living in are the digital times where ironically the biggest risk to most teenagers lives in their pocket. Online risks like cyberbullying, exposure to porn, revenge porn, scams, social media and the mental health issues it creates, addiction to constant stimulation, etc are greater risks to most teenagers than physical risks. Obviously there are exceptions but I don’t get the impression this particular teenager is involved in gang violence or is going to the cinema in an area where knife crime is disproportionately high.

Jonathan Haidt said it perfectly when he said we are overprotecting teenagers in the real world and underprotecting them in the virtual world and wondering why we have an anxious generation of young adults.

True We certainly didn't have phones to ring home, get directions or call an uber

And my youngest is 23 It's hardly THAT long ago they were 17

Yes it is. It’s much safer now!

She's 17! She can go out whatever time she likes. She could have kids of her own at her age ffs.

How is her telling me she is going to this bar, or that restaurant, or this club going to keep her safe? I’ll be at home and hopefully in bed when she’s in any of them. She’s not a child, she’s 17.

What will keep her safe is what I have taught her to do. Stay with your friends, always have your phone charged, watch your drink at all times, 9/10 blokes are creeps, stay on well lit pavements, only use black cabs with meters on or Ubers etc etc.

She’ll be travelling the world on her own on her gap year this time next year. Is she going to tell me every bar and restaurant she’s going to then?

She’s 17 but you’re treating her more like a 12 year old… I’m not exaggerating! How will you cope when in a year she’ll very likely be partying abroad with her mates until the small hours!

By you helicoptering as a parent at that age, you risk creating a daughter who hasn’t developed personal responsibility or a sense of managing risk… You’re overprotectiveness risks being completely counterproductive.

What exactly could possibly happen between the cinema doors, and your car, OP?

Eek. At 17 I was going clubbing in Leeds and getting the 2.30am fightrider night rider bus home. I must have been that age going to a midnight showing of Hannibal in another city too, with my boyfriend’s mate driving us there and back.

18 and 21 year old Nieces both went to Reading Festival when they were 17, flying there and back from Jersey with their mates and getting up to who knows what while they were there.

I’d say you’re fine to loosen the apron strings a bit for this OP.

Telling you where she is going is for safety and it's respectful, she's your child.

Can everyone stop with the "when I was 17" rubbish. VERY different times 🙄

You are not being that paranoid looking out for your daughter's safety. Too many responses are too lax. You should allow her, but similarly I would want to collect.

That only works if parents can drive( the always picking them up) My parents couldn't so id never expect it and used to get myself home Had my own place at 17 though

she's 17!

my ds was watching movies that finished at midnight with friends from about 15.

the car park was directly outside and he walked out with everyone else and got in the car .

i wouldn’t be comfortable with a bus that time of night but I still think at 17 they could do that if they wanted. But id rather offer a lift.

Just get her to wait inside - or make sure you are a little early and can catch her coming out. It's all character building for them

How is it character building to have her mum waiting outside the cinema when she comes out? In that scenario the dd isn't required to make any decisions or use any initiative.

Seems fine, unless it's in a horrifically crime-ridden neighborhood.
Of course, if they waited a week, they could choose an earlier time, which would allow them the option of hanging out afterward to chatter about the movie, which would possibly be more fun.

ffs she is telling you where she is etc... be grateful for that.

@sweeel Good grief. At 17, I was staying out till 2 am then walking 3 miles home as the buses had stopped. You're meeting and collecting her, don't be so ridiculous!

I totally agree. My now 18 yo dd was at Leeds festival last year at 17. Four nights. She started clubbing a good year ago. Idk if she was 16 or already turned 17. I have picked her up from raves at 4am. She stayed in a hotel for a Manchester rave, getting Ubers. And she just got back from a holiday abroad with another 18 yo and a 17 yo.

Not being an alcoholic does not equal not having a life.

Beyond that some people grow up rurally, there was no public transport where I grew up for miles and miles. I had to get lifts from strangers.

But isn’t that part of growing up? Making poor decisions learning from them and creating crazy memories? I was going clubbing at 15 (mum thought I was babysitting friend’s younger sister!) now I’m not saying that’s ok nowadays but at 17 you should be able to have the freedom and be learning the skills for independence so that at 18 you are capable of being treated like the adult you are.

No issue with OP choosing to pick up the DD rather than fork out for taxis if op is happy to do that, but the op asked if she should LET her 17yr DD go to the cinema to watch an evening film! This is the crazy part, at 17 having to ask permission to go to the cinema with your friends!

All credit to OP for recognising it is OTT and taking the overwhelming feedback on board.