AIBU not buying my 2yr old a new birthday present?

I have four boys close in age and I tend to get them something big to share when they’re this little. Eg my second child got an heirloom wooden block set for his first birthday. Still being played with by everyone years later.

Or I buy them something to go with toys they already have to enhance the play eg a trailer for their vehicles or more animals for their farm etc.

I’m conscious I don’t want my kids growing up thinking only my eldest gets bought things.

But you can make them feel special without buying a lot of new things? Or, at that age, even giving them much.

My eldest got mainly family hand-me-downs at birthdays and Christmas too, and until she was old enough to want specific things I'd mainly give her practical necessities to unwrap, like new clothes. I do the same with my second, and DD1 is of an age to feel pleased that her little sister is enjoying her outgrown toys.

DD2 will turn two in a few months and I won't give her much. I know she'll love to be sung to; to blow out candles, eat cake, see friends, get a handmade card from her sister, and have a special day out. She'll be delighted by her presents and not care or know that they aren't brand new. Above all she will feel so, so loved. That's the goal isn't it?

Absolutely what I plan to do with my baby. I’ve put away DS’s babyish toys and will gradually get them out to wrap for DD for her first bday/xmas. They are obviously different sex so she may want different things at some point, but for the most part I won’t be buying new things unless “necessary”.
I’d be spending the money on a day out for his birthday instead/annual pass to an attraction.

My 2 year old really enjoyed opening her presents this year so I would get some things.
You can still get clothes or other things if they've got enough toys.
We get the odd new thing for her despite hand me downs being available from the older one so she doesn't feel like the poor relation

Would he like a Tonie box or Yoto player? I think a lot of these ideas are very sweet but more for four plus. We got ds a Tonie box for his third birthday and it’s still used daily nearly three years on.

Ok, it was Covid but DC2 got entirely handed down presents for their third birthday. We went into lock down at the end of March and the birthday was the beginning of April. The party was cancelled too. I stuck all the money saved into their savings account.

I don't think ds had many new toys being #3 at that age at all. I used to wrap them up from the selection we had in the loft. Occasionally the girls would comment that they'd had one like that, but they weren't bothered.

I think you can take him somewhere special? Maybe you hate the tractor museum but that’s his favourite place so you take him there or something like that?

Absolutely fine at this age, when he has zero concept of what a birthday means.

Beware of offering a toy that is your other child's without telling them, as they may try to claim it back.

I'd probably end up buying something of a gift for the day but not a toy. Maybe something he needs but a nice version with his fave character- for example, slippers or a swimsuit.

Yes.

I have 2 boys 2 years apart. Now 21 & 19, & despite almost all DS1's clothes/toys/books were all pass down able (always looked after things), there were always things DS2 would like - books/ characters he preferred/ wooden car or truck/ garden item. In fact, I remember buying him a wooden balance bike for his 2nd birthday: he loved that & was indeed riding a standard bike by himself before his next birthday (is a huge mountain biker to this day).

Some fabulous books for two year olds off the top of my head:
Lucy Cousins - Hooray for Birds, Hooray for Fish, Peck Peck Peck
Helen Nicholl and Jan Pienkowski - Meg and Mog series
Daisy Hirst - Monsters series
Judith Kerr - Mog series
Sue Hendra - Supertato series

Sorry, if money is not an issue I think this is stingy and unkind. Tiny kids have excellent memories and spend their whole time rummaging around. He is likely to fully aware that a toy is an old one from the back of the cupboard. And will not be able to articulate it but will absorb the message that he does not deserve nice things. Why would you want to risk this? There are tons of wonderful children's books out there available very cheaply second hand on amazon.

Id probably still buy him something that could be his - even a couple of books. But only a token thing, he wont know

I reused my older DDs toys to gift my younger dd when she was younger, she had no idea. When I didn’t have something to regift I’d gift essentials, clothes, new lunch box, bath toys, something they could claim their own. I would also buy second hand, for her first birthday I spent £10 at a car boot sale, everything was in good condition and I regifted as soon as she outgrew the stuff which was about 6 months later.

But then you're creating a huge imbalance.

DS1 gets new toys and no cash.
Ds2 gets the same toys but "used" and a bank account full of cash when he's 18

In my house, where things have been passed down, older dc still tries to assert ownership, meaning that younger dc’s stuff is never quite theirs.

Its very annoying but for this reason I would never make a hand me down be a birthday gift. The hand me downs just become communal toys but younger DC get gifts that are just theirs as gifts.

You say your DH is a fabricator? When my DD was about 2yrs old my DH made her a large (about 1m x 1m x 20cm deep) wooden sandpit with an integral seat along one edge and a snug-fitting lid out of pine & marine-ply, stained green & varnished. Filled it with silver sand & provided a "gardening set" and a few other sand toys. It lived in our garden near the back door. DD loved it and played in it for many years. It lasted remarkably well, revarnished occasionally. Eventually, when DD had grown out of sandpits, I gave it away to a nearby Nursery Class and they had quite a few more years out of it.

He's 2! Of course they need to open a few bits at that age, doesn't have to be tat.

How about an experience instead of a toy? A special day out and delicious food.
No need to buy plastic tat 😁

I think it’s a bit sad you can’t think of anything meaningful your son might enjoy for his birthday. At that age my son loved dinosaurs so it would have been a big dino book, dino wellies and a few wee dino characters or cuddly toy to play with and go see a dino skeleton at the museum. It’s about making them feel special.

@pontipinemum I think it's a completely sensible idea. Wrap up the old toys so he gets the experience of opening them and so that DS1 doesn't ask why he doesn't have any presents. Maybe add in a few things that get used up e.g colouring pens/crayons, bubbles, paper, playdoh stickers etc so that he has a few new things too.

I am a therapist and I would be cautious to not keep this train of thought going when they are old enough to realise. Especially if they start seeing friends birthdays. Obviously you don't have to go overboard, but presents do make a difference to children's self esteem. it's not the what they get, but the fact that they do get something, something of their own. It's the thought

I would take your older one to choose a gift for him (from the charity shop or handmade would be a fun tradition?) as the important bit is to teach them to think about each other. Then give him some stuff you already have, a few books and a super fun meal or activity that he enjoy. Eventually your kids will have different interests but for now its all much the same stuff so no reason to waste the time / money / planet’s resources.

Just go wild in a charity shop - they’re chokka with plastic rubbish. Then there’s zero guilt.

As long as he has things to open and you celebrate, you don't have to buy unnecessary bits for the sake of it.

It's grim not to have any presents, but that's different.