AIBU to refuse to talk to my family about my kids going to private school because it just causes my family to act a bit rude

100% this.

Don’t tell them anything of note. They will drag you down with their envy and negativity.

I recall sending some photos of my trip to Rome to the family WhatsApp group a few years ago and someone replied “there are pizza restaurants in [our home town]” 😂😂 Some people don’t deserve to know anything about your life. You will feel SO much better keeping your life private from utter misers. Best of luck.

Torn, really. If you find their comments upsetting/ irritating then I don’t think you’d be unreasonable at all to subtly stop mentioning anything about school around them. But if you’ve announced to them you’re not talking about school any more then that does seem over dramatic of you. It depends on your family dynamic, but to me their comments sound like fairly standard sibling teasing.

I’ve had stuff like this for years as I’m the most wealthy person by far in my family.

we don’t do private school though, but I’ve had lots of comments over the years about stuff we have, clothes, food we eat etc

I’ve landed on my feet apparently, I live in bubble, I’ve got a dolls house, I’m with my dh for money (actually he was 30k in debt and on benefits when I met him)

what they don’t see and things I do have to remind them of is…..

• the park trip you have as a family? I do that on my own
• the swimming lessons (dh has never taken them)
• holiday? Forget it, we’ve had one in 15 years
• family days out (maybe one or two if I’m lucky a year)

its just me and the kids, with dh working all the time.

it doesn’t sound much of a life and it can be very miserable so the day to day luxuries we do have I feel are not extravagant, even though they may feel like that to the average person.

the money gives us financial security and enabled us to be mortgage free in my early 30s, but it hasn’t been without many sacrifices which people never seem to take into account.

dh has been skint before, I grew up in poverty on a council estate and he doesn’t want to ever be in that situation again so he can’t justify time off as time off equals money lost (he’s self employed)

when you get snappy back with people they tend to stop with the comments as much.

I have come across this. Two examples of many- We had neighbours who repeatedly couldn’t get over that our state educated children had such nice manners! Also we bumped into another family we know in a sports shop and she asked why we were buying my DS a cricket bat. So just check that your tone is OK. If you’re sure it is just tell them to get lost. Or just don’t talk about school at all.

Just don’t go there with them: ignore them/shut them down or change subject if they bring it up.

The only way to deal with goading is to refuse to be goaded.

Just one “oh F off brother jealous Jimmy” should close out that topic.

Or

”Anything else we do that you are secretly jealous of and want to get off your chest?”

you now know that this is something he is sensitive to, so just don't mention it. be happy not right

Your family are extremely rude.

We don’t believe in private schooling, we could have afforded it but didn’t choose it for our children.

But I only get to choose for my children, not for anyone else’s.

Making an unsolicited comment about someone else’s choices for their children is extremely rude.

He Sounds like he enjoys needling you about this. I would smile cheerfully and happily tell him you are happy with your own choices every single time. It might shut him up if he can’t annoy you.

Is it possible that you say some things in a slightly smug way? I do have a friend who mentions things about her private school as if it’s unique to that school (I need to buy a dress for a ball).

You could try owning it. “Yes, they love their hugely expensive school and I’m happy to pay their enormously expensive fees with my pots and pots of money. Anyone for a brew?”

Put them on an information diet. Don't discuss it at all. If they are rude, leave. You don't owe them explanations of your choices.

Your family sound very rude.

Your siblings are being very rude and also petty.

For those of us who could never dream of having the kind of money required to send our children to private school to spare, it is hard to believe that others can afford such a luxury. But there is absolutely no need for your siblings to be so rude about the fact that you can afford it!

Your siblings are presumably jealous of your fortune financial situation.