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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to talk to my family about my kids going to private school because it just causes my family to act a bit rude

63 replies

mumlifeisunpredictable · 27/07/2026 15:29

My two DC both attend private school. My DH and I are fortunate enough that we can send our kids to private school and still remain financially comfortable. Obviously it costs a lot to send them both to private school, and that seems to make my family upset.

I've noticed that every single time I mention school at all, my siblings tend to make subtle snide remarks about my financial situation and they tend to go on rants about how private schools are a scam. I can say "My daughter has a school trip on Friday" and one of my siblings will always say "Normal schools have school trips too, I really don't see the point of paying sll that money for no reason." Just comments like that. As its the summer holidays, I just ordered my kids school uniforms, I was at my mums house this morning, my brother was there, and during conversation I mentioned that I had ordered my kids school uniform as it was relevant to the conversation.

Then, as usual, my brother had something to say. He said "Oh their expensive school uniform for their expensive private school." That really annoyed me. So I said that from now on, I'm done talking about my kid school cause I'm sick and tired of everybody's comments.

Apparently I'm being dramatic, according to my brother.

OP posts:
SENsupportplease · 27/07/2026 17:16

Interesting. I too was talking about buying uniform this week (so I’m dull?)
and lots of logoed items from a specific supplier, not an Asda 2 pack (bragging)
AND DC recently went on a school trip.

It’s for a state school though so does that make it acceptable? Is it only private school parents that can’t mention their everyday mundane goings on like trips and uniform.

your family sucks op

Dancingsquirrels · 27/07/2026 17:10

Honestly, most people couldn't care less where you send your children to school

But comments like "fortunate enough to have the opportunity" will rile them up

It's clearly a sensitive subject, best avoided

Joyful26 · 27/07/2026 17:04

The downside of not talking to them about it us you are just silencing and censoring yourself. So that’s something to think about.

no advice really as we’re in the same position. I guess I feel sorry for myself sometimes that I’m not sharing news about my child with others because I don’t want them to be annoyed that they go to private school.

Joyful26 · 27/07/2026 17:04

The downside of not talking to them about it us you are just silencing and censoring yourself. So that’s something to think about.

no advice really as we’re in the same position. I guess I feel sorry for myself sometimes that I’m not sharing news about my child with others because I don’t want them to be annoyed that they go to private school.

rivalsbinge · 27/07/2026 17:01

SourdoughSally · 27/07/2026 16:52

Not all of us think that private school is a benefit. Maybe they think that too.

That’s not true really is it, clearly OP sees the benefits.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 27/07/2026 16:55

This is a very silly 'AIBU' question because it has such an obvious answer.

Or did you just want everyone to confirm 'they're jealous hun'?

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 27/07/2026 16:52

SourdoughSally · 27/07/2026 16:52

Not all of us think that private school is a benefit. Maybe they think that too.

Does that mean they should act like a dickhead towards OP, for a difference of opinion?

SourdoughSally · 27/07/2026 16:52

Not all of us think that private school is a benefit. Maybe they think that too.

Error404FucksNotFound · 27/07/2026 16:50

They won't stop.
Theyll just start shoehorning it into other conversations.

BoredZelda · 27/07/2026 16:47

Is there any possibility they are sick of hearing about it? Maybe you overshare a bit too much? Or, maybe they are just rude. Only you can know that.

Flamingojune · 27/07/2026 16:47

Conversations that show off your wealth are best avoided in certain company. There's no need for it

CypressMoon · 27/07/2026 16:46

I had to really toughen up when we sent our DC private. Some family members never spoke to me again. One refused to even come into my house. Pathetic.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 27/07/2026 16:45

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/07/2026 16:36

It might sound a bit braggy if OP is ordering multiple (probably expensive) items from a specific supplier and her brother plans to pop to Asda, the week before schools go back, for 2 packs of polo shirts.

Show quote history

Even so, if they need to order their uniforms from specific supplier, then OP is just stating facts. The siblings are jealous and taking it out on OP. Awful behaviour.

shopaholicsrus · 27/07/2026 16:44

Jealousy is a terrible thing.

MandemChickenShop · 27/07/2026 16:42

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 27/07/2026 16:27

So you see your family a lot, which suggests you all live relatively close together. Which also means the local state schools you’ve rejected as not good enough for your dcs are the ones their dcs are going to go to/are currently at.

If so, then there’s no way for you to ever talk about your dcs school (even in passing) without reminding them you’ve judged the school their dcs are going to as just not good enough.

You are right to never mention it again. Don’t tell about trips, uniform, what they are doing etc. And never, ever complain about the school/holidays/costs etc.

absolutely this, when OP says 'fortunate enough to afford private school', bro hears, "unfortunately you can't afford private school and have to send your kids to the shithole comp down the road".

and if you are talking about something as dull as buying school uniform, it sounds like it's coming up all the blinking time, which is likely to piss him right off

InterIgnis · 27/07/2026 16:41

MandemChickenShop · 27/07/2026 15:55

you now know that this is something he is sensitive to, so just don't mention it. be happy not right

Edited

Maybe he could instead get the fuck over himself. Doesn’t he want to be happy, rather than bitter over his sister’s choices.

He’s the one with the problem, after all.

Imightbeinthewronghere · 27/07/2026 16:39

hopspot · 27/07/2026 16:23

How have you got the money to send them to private school? Is there a chance they feel that’s unfair? An uneven inheritance or something?

Nothing to do with her siblings, maybe she is just better with money and makes better choices!

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/07/2026 16:36

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 27/07/2026 16:27

Just because it's coming from family, doesn't mean you have to put up with it OP. Why should you censor yourself from talking about something completely neutral such as ordering school uniforms. All children needs uniforms regardless of the school they attend. You're not bragging or boasting, you're stating a fact. If a child was treating another child the way your family are treating you, we'd tell them that they are bullies and to have nothing to do with them where possible.

I would start by doing what you've done and if it continues, tell them to fuck off, it's not worth your time and energy.

Edited

It might sound a bit braggy if OP is ordering multiple (probably expensive) items from a specific supplier and her brother plans to pop to Asda, the week before schools go back, for 2 packs of polo shirts.

lazyarse123 · 27/07/2026 16:33

I wouldn't stop talking just because a sibling was a rude twat. I would tell them exactly that. It's perfectly normal to say you've bought school uniform whatever school your child goes to, it's not bragging. Tell him jealousy is such an ugly trait to have.

whistlesandbells · 27/07/2026 16:30

Same recommendation for all toxic family interaction, share less and grey rock. Doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting for you OP. Protect your peace as priority.

Original poster
mumlifeisunpredictable · 27/07/2026 16:28

hopspot · 27/07/2026 16:23

How have you got the money to send them to private school? Is there a chance they feel that’s unfair? An uneven inheritance or something?

My husband is a very high earner and I work remote part time from home.

OP posts:
Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 27/07/2026 16:27

Just because it's coming from family, doesn't mean you have to put up with it OP. Why should you censor yourself from talking about something completely neutral such as ordering school uniforms. All children needs uniforms regardless of the school they attend. You're not bragging or boasting, you're stating a fact. If a child was treating another child the way your family are treating you, we'd tell them that they are bullies and to have nothing to do with them where possible.

I would start by doing what you've done and if it continues, tell them to fuck off, it's not worth your time and energy.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 27/07/2026 16:27

So you see your family a lot, which suggests you all live relatively close together. Which also means the local state schools you’ve rejected as not good enough for your dcs are the ones their dcs are going to go to/are currently at.

If so, then there’s no way for you to ever talk about your dcs school (even in passing) without reminding them you’ve judged the school their dcs are going to as just not good enough.

You are right to never mention it again. Don’t tell about trips, uniform, what they are doing etc. And never, ever complain about the school/holidays/costs etc.

Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 27/07/2026 16:26

If my siblings were snide to me about anything, I'd probably stop hanging out with them.

hopspot · 27/07/2026 16:23

How have you got the money to send them to private school? Is there a chance they feel that’s unfair? An uneven inheritance or something?

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