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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I only really have anger to get compliance from my children

103 replies

Summerslams · 27/07/2026 14:04

Bracing myself here because I know I’m going to attract a certain amount of critical amount of critical comments here, but … I don’t seem to have any way of getting my children to comply with me without getting angry / raising my voice.

Yes, I’ve read the books. I’ve tried telling them what to do not what not to do (they ignore me) two choices (they refuse both) speaking firmly and authoritatively (I might as well be pleading) using praise (they like it but not always helpful in the moment.)

They are five and three. I know three especially can be a tricky age but I hate the fact all I really have at my disposal is anger. (I know I’m going to get ‘what are the consequences’ and if anyone can give me an effective consequence for a three year old I’m all ears!)

I have made them cry for three days in succession and would obviously rather prefer not to do so fir a fourth but I’m really struggling to manage them when they just bloody well ignore me nine times out of ten.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerslams · 27/07/2026 14:09

In all honesty I’d prefer not to as then the focus of the thread is that particular moment and what you should or should not have done which is fine if that exact situation happens again but it probably won’t. Just a thousand others!

From this morning alone, my three year old shoving folded washing off the pile and on the floor. Both kids going into a room I’d told them not to (it was being cleaned.) Dragging the duvets and pillows off the beds. Fighting over toys (I fucking hate this and it never stops regardless of what advice I follow.)

OP posts:
PoppieCock · 27/07/2026 14:07

Oh God it’s so difficult isn’t it?

But consequences are much better than anger because there’ll come a day when they’re so used to it, your anger will start to mean nothing.

Plus they’ll learn to get angry right back at you.

BumblebeesandPaperbags · 27/07/2026 14:06

At five and three you are entirely in control. It’s not like they are bigger and stronger than you (as they may well be as teenagers)

Now is the time to exert the force of your personality and authority to get them to behave appropriately, later will be much too late.

Give us some specific examples and perhaps we can advise.