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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting a relationship with my neighbour?

42 replies

Gamerchick124 · 27/07/2026 14:03

Me and my partner have moved into a property recently. We're very quiet people and like to keep ourselves to ourselves, however, since moving in the neighbours who are lovely, but the wife seems pushy in wanting some kind of friendship with me?

I dont want to sound horrible, I just dont want to be her friend, i just dont really like people.

I dont know how to approach this gently without hurting her feelings as there's also a language issue as shes foreign and doesnt really understand what im saying?

OP posts:
Bananacrepewithnuts · 27/07/2026 16:55

Friendlygingercat · 27/07/2026 15:00

You need to practice the good old fashioned English habit of polite but distant and a clipped tone that does not encourage chat. People who suggest keeping well in with the neighbours "because you may need them one day" are really being self serving and don't want to admit it.

If pushed. something like:

"Its nothing personal or anything you've done but I just wanted you to know that my partner and I are not into neighbouring. We are very quiet private people and we prefer to keep to ourselves. I do hope you understand."

This lets your neighbours know the lay of the land without being accused of being racist, ageist. classist or any other ist.

Rude and unnecessary.
Just be polite as previous posters have suggested.

Manners cost nothing.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/07/2026 16:48

When you see her say hello and keep walking.

Cherrysoup · 27/07/2026 16:34

I’ve managed zero socialising with my attached neighbour (bar an older guy’s afternoon tea in his garden for his birthday this year) in 20 years. We speak if we are both on our drives, we’ve signed passports for them, they’ve signed stuff for us but that’s it. Never had coffee or anything. There’s no need to be mega friendly, just nod, smile, shout hi, get in the car or walk off. Easy.

gotmyselfintoapickle · 27/07/2026 16:31

Why do you need to approach it? Just don't accept any invites and don't extend any to her. Be polite when you see her but don't ask questions or engage in conversation. Surely she will get the idea?

gotmyselfintoapickle · 27/07/2026 16:29

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/07/2026 16:03

Just put a note through her door stating that you don't like people and have no intention of being her friend.

😂

Tings · 27/07/2026 16:28

If she doesn't really understand what you're saying, how do you know she actually wants to be your friend so badly?

Rocknrollstar · 27/07/2026 16:23

Gamerchick124 · 27/07/2026 14:03

Me and my partner have moved into a property recently. We're very quiet people and like to keep ourselves to ourselves, however, since moving in the neighbours who are lovely, but the wife seems pushy in wanting some kind of friendship with me?

I dont want to sound horrible, I just dont want to be her friend, i just dont really like people.

I dont know how to approach this gently without hurting her feelings as there's also a language issue as shes foreign and doesnt really understand what im saying?

You need to be on good terms with your neighbours even if you don’t want to be good friends. You never know when you might need some help.

Wiltshirehammy · 27/07/2026 16:21

They're sex people Lynn 😉

Pedant61 · 27/07/2026 16:11

YANBU, there is absolutely no reason to have any kind of relationship with a neighbour. After all, it would only be based on the random coincidence of buying/renting nearby houses. I would be very put off by this pushy neighbour too.

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/07/2026 16:03

Just put a note through her door stating that you don't like people and have no intention of being her friend.

BMW58 · 27/07/2026 15:16

If she can't really speak or understand much English the most she'd get from me us a smile, a wave and a Hello.

One of my allotment neighbours insists on talking at me in whatever language she has - not a single word of English. All I can do is shrug at her. God knows what she thinks she's achieving.

She's been doing this for 5 years.

Giftspread · 27/07/2026 15:02

She'll get the message by how you respond. I do agree its good to be on friendly terms with your neighbours; Taking in parcels, sharing local info, etc.

Friendlygingercat · 27/07/2026 15:00

You need to practice the good old fashioned English habit of polite but distant and a clipped tone that does not encourage chat. People who suggest keeping well in with the neighbours "because you may need them one day" are really being self serving and don't want to admit it.

If pushed. something like:

"Its nothing personal or anything you've done but I just wanted you to know that my partner and I are not into neighbouring. We are very quiet private people and we prefer to keep to ourselves. I do hope you understand."

This lets your neighbours know the lay of the land without being accused of being racist, ageist. classist or any other ist.

HeddaGarbled · 27/07/2026 14:17

Actually, it’s really useful to be on friendly-ish terms with your neighbours: you never know when you might need help in an emergency or just everyday favours. That doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. A smile and a brief chat occasionally is enough to grease the wheels of amicability.

ofcolitas · 27/07/2026 14:12

What have you tried so far?

KojaksLollipop · 27/07/2026 14:10

Just keep it polite and short, she will get the hint.

Enigma54 · 27/07/2026 14:08

NDN is probably just being friendly. Maybe she is lonely? Keep communication polite and quick and I’m sure she will soon get the message.