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Original poster

Late night cooking…help me get perspective

59 replies

Sassysangria2201 · 27/07/2026 12:57

DSD is 19 and lives at home. She’s at uni so doesn’t pay any board etc. She has a nice set up - seperate part of the house with her own bathroom and sitting room. She has a boyfriend and we don’t have a lot of limits on how often he visits.

She’s generally well behaved but can be very inconsiderate in the house. She will amass dirty dishes in her room and only bring them up when we get annoyed as we are running low. She routinely leaves food encrusted plates next to the dishwasher. She also uses the last of something then puts the empty packet back in the cupboard instead of putting it in the bin.

She and her boyfriend have arrived home and are cooking. At 11.30pm. The kitchen is close to the bedrooms (same level) and I’m now wide awake and fuming.

I’ve had many conversations with DH about consideration around the house, as well as with her, but feel there is an underlying dynamic where she massively over reacts and DH turns it on me. He’s very tidy and grumbles about cleaning up after her but also defends it as ‘she’s just a teenager’ .

i’m so ground down by it that I’ve lost perspective. Putting up with this is utterly crazy right? Or am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sassysangria2201 · 27/07/2026 13:14

BoomBoomBoomShakeTheRoom · 27/07/2026 13:07

It’s a proper pain. My dd is on a totally different schedule from the rest of us and it’s really irritating. We’ve got an open plan kitchen and have about an hour in the evenings to spend together and that’s the time that dd will start crashing about the kitchen. It’s driving me nuts.

We get that sometimes too, and its a bit annoying but no where near as bad as being woken up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sassysangria2201 · 27/07/2026 13:11

mamajong · 27/07/2026 13:05

I have teenagers and young adults in the house and we have rules about clearing up that work for both sides: dirty crockery needs to be brought down at least once a day, clear up after cooking before the next meal time (I.e dinner things need to be cleared up before breakfast the next morning) and there is a chore rota for basic chores. Imo you do need some rules and boundaries here, and this works well for us.

Personally i have no issue with late cooking, mine will often come in after a night out and cook.something in the airfryer for example, i.dont think its a big deal.as ling as they clear up before breakfast.

If she was quickly popping something in the air fryer I probably wouldn’t care as much as it’s less likely to wake people up. But this a full on cook, we have an induction oven that beeps loudly when you change the temperature, so it was constant beeping, clanging of pans, microwave was going too at one point.

If it was quickly warming something up at this time occasionally I’d be more understanding, but honestly I think it’s easier to just say kitchen sgius at half ten (we go to bed at ten)

OP posts:
BoomBoomBoomShakeTheRoom · 27/07/2026 13:07

It’s a proper pain. My dd is on a totally different schedule from the rest of us and it’s really irritating. We’ve got an open plan kitchen and have about an hour in the evenings to spend together and that’s the time that dd will start crashing about the kitchen. It’s driving me nuts.

Enrichetta · 27/07/2026 13:06

Cooking late at night once in a while……. I would let it go.

But this……. FFS… no way:

She’s generally well behaved but can be very inconsiderate in the house. She will amass dirty dishes in her room and only bring them up when we get annoyed as we are running low. She routinely leaves food encrusted plates next to the dishwasher. She also uses the last of something then puts the empty packet back in the cupboard instead of putting it in the bin.

ShetlandishMum · 27/07/2026 13:06

19 yo?

I would ask her to move our or respect the rest of the family. She is spoilt.

mamajong · 27/07/2026 13:05

I have teenagers and young adults in the house and we have rules about clearing up that work for both sides: dirty crockery needs to be brought down at least once a day, clear up after cooking before the next meal time (I.e dinner things need to be cleared up before breakfast the next morning) and there is a chore rota for basic chores. Imo you do need some rules and boundaries here, and this works well for us.

Personally i have no issue with late cooking, mine will often come in after a night out and cook.something in the airfryer for example, i.dont think its a big deal.as ling as they clear up before breakfast.

Gardenisablooming · 27/07/2026 13:05

Kitchen shuts at 10pm here. Always has.

Mumofoneandone · 27/07/2026 13:04

Negotiating with a university student during their holidays is tricky! They are learning to be independent whilst living away from home but are then returning home and different rules apply!
However, a bit like a housing contract, there are acceptable and unacceptable behaviour within a house setting.
You need to sit down with your DD (&DH?!) and have a conversation with her. Whilst both sides need to listen to the other about how things are going to work within your house going forward, bottom line is, somethings are not going to be acceptable. She either has to accept that or find alternative accommodation.
DH has also got to work on his attitude as well!!

nomas · 27/07/2026 12:59

YANBU. You need to find your anger and give her rules and consequences.

If she doesn’t comply, she moves out.