DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

Exactly this.

I took you back even though …

You did X with him …

You did Y with him …

Why are you so ungrateful?

Whilst I can fully understand the fact that he's shocked and upset that you've kept these videos if you're going have him back you have to make two things very clear and stick to them:
1 - It was a genuine mistake and for both of you this is now subject permanently closed.
2 - Whatever you did in the videos that you won't do with him now is in the past and whether he likes it or not it's no longer on the menu under any circumstances.
If he won't accept both of those or brings either of them up in the future then it's an instant dealbreaker.

(I'd also get him to confirm that he hasn't taken copies of the videos for his own use or to dish up again in future.)

It is a blessing it's true.

It’s always a bonus to find out before you marry or have a joint mortgage with a man like this. It’s a blessing.

Of course that's what it was, and he's STILL being ridiculous.

Depends on how they treat phone usage with each other.

@July26 you’ve had a pile-on but let me tell you that this man’s behaviour is not OK. You are entitled to say no to sexual acts. It doesn’t matter whether you did them before you met him, today’s no is still a no. Tomorrow’s no is still a no.

I could have been a sex worker in the red light district in Berlin or Amsterdam from 2012 to 2022 or appeared in a whole series of porn films and still say no to any sexual acts today. That’s how consent works. It’s not retrospective based on what you said yes to years ago.

I’d turn it back on him op and break up over him snooping on phone tbh tell him to fuck off

Of course!

Yep. He'll probably remind her every day "how lucky she is he took her back" 🤣

Absolutely this. He’ll never run out of ammo.

This - OP you have done nothing wrong

You deserve MUCH better

Yay! The trash has taken itself out.

Don't contact him again. He's a nasty cunt.

At least you know what he is though so that's a bonus.

You do know he’s now going to use this every time he’s unhappy with something you do or say?

It’s going to be the stick he uses
Every.
Single.
Time.

AND he’s going to pressure you to do the thing you have refused so far. Are you prepared for that? Are you ready to hold your line in the face of his pressure and whining that you won’t do it with him but you did with someone else?

Because, make no mistake, he’s going to be on at you night and day to do this thing ‘to prove yourself to him’ ‘to show how sorry you are’ etc etc.

I think if you grovel to this man he may try and have power over you in some way or maybe try and coerce you into doing the act you were doing in the video but havent wanted to do with him.

Hes already shown red flags, going through your phone, going through personal media from past chapters in your life, blanking you, texting you saying hes upset because you were doing an act you wont do with him etc and leaving you hanging that ges going to call you to discuss at a time that suits him.

I think hes trying to have power over you and if you grovel you will be playing into his hands and potentially putting your wellbeing or worse at risk.

I dont think you should be apologising for having a past relationship.

My dh and i dont use each others phones at all, we both know each others pins but respect each other enough to not need to check, hes been snooping on you and theres no way around that.

To be honest I dont think you should continue with this relationship as i think it will be very unhealthy for you as he will hang this over your head forever and possibly pressure you into sex acts you no longer want to do at this stage of your life.

Yes, I think that's what's driving some of us mad here. I don't think I've ever seen a thread where the double standards are so obvious.

If my partner handed me his phone and told me to make use of it I can easily imagine looking at the photos. Why wouldn't I?

There's no way any bloke would be given the benefit of the doubt on here if he was the one keeping old sex videos.

If he can’t read a date stamp on a video it’s a worry.

Sorry, what ? You have nothing to be sorry for. Everyone is entitled to their history. If the photos are so old you forgot they were there, I don’t see that they’re any of his business.

They clearly pre-date your relationship and his reaction to finding them is completely OTT. The suggestion that you should be open to a particular act you’re not comfortable with now, just because you did it years ago is concerning in itself but I honestly think there are red flags everywhere - including the likelihood that he will expect you to apologise to him, when he’s behaved like a controlling arsehole.

OP think very carefully before you resume this relationship. Not only was his response totally unacceptable but there’s fuel here for years of this being thrown in your face every single time you argue.

"Pick me please. It's ok you if go through my phone and snoop at my old pics, have massive tantrums and dump me (only to forgive me the day after) for something irrelevant, act like a narcissistic 5 yr old with zero maturity. As long as you pick me I'm happy"

You have done nothing to apologise for. Please read and consider the responses on here telling you that.

He should be apologising to you for his behaviour. It’s a red flag, and you need to stop and think about it regardless of how much you love him.

OP please don't accept fault for this, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. The person who needs to apologise is him for getting so angry and taking it out on you . You can acknowledge his feelings about it all if you want but please don't apologise when you have done nothing wrong. It sets a dangerous precedent for the relationship if it continues.

It's not cheating and AFAIK he hasn't accused her of cheating - what he obviously is, is upset that she's kept videos of her having sex with someone else for ten years.
If this was reversed would their be a single dissenting voice not saying that:
"he obviously didn't forget to delete them - who keeps ten year old videos filling up their phone memory, he looks at them when he wants a quick merchant, and he's obviously still pining for the ex - LTB!"

There isnt anything to forgive Op. if you’re anything like me you literally will have thousands of photos and videos going back years and years. The fact he’s gone through literally 10 years worth of photos and videos to find those is just mind blowing to me that you’re not more angry at him. What right does he have to go through any of your photos? It almost feels like he knew where to look as well, seen as he only had your phone for a short period of time? He was either looking for something like that or knew it was there because he had seen it previously and decided to use it against you now. The fact that you are doing something with an ex you now refuse to do is also completely within your rights and he is coercive to try and make you feel bad and manipulate you. He could’ve had a sensible conversation asking you why you were keeping the videos and it’s likely you would’ve said you didn’t realise they were on there as it was a decade ago and would’ve deleted them. Instead he has behaved really immaturely. Best off without him imo.

Why on earth would you want to do this?

Can you grow a backbone…