DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

Would "woman" not have been enough here

Bloody hell OP your weren't keen on doing the videos in the first place. Now your current partner is in a mood because you will not do certain acts with him. This is all abuse ! I thought he was upset because it was difficult to see and he thought you might still be attached to your ex but no it's because you don't do a certain act with him. And the a meal to make up for it. All sorts of wrong going on here. You seem to be in abusive relationships without realising ?

Expect more of these. He's going to be reminding from now on how you did x and y for your ex but not for him. Next thread will be about you going out with friends at night and not responding to his text, and then next etc...
You seem to have a history picking abusive men OP but you don't seem to care either.

Smoke & mirrors from him. He is hiding something or wanted to end it anyway & was snooping on your phone for a reason.

Again you have nothing to apologise for. Or indeed to make up. He had “ always had this before “ Really? Please don’t agree to something you don’t want to do to make it up to him.

He’s a wrong un, I hope you at least spend some time considering what so many of us have said.

Right. Don’t use the search function then. It was a mere suggestion.

Location would show the thousand of pictures I’ve taken at home…. Date wise, my memory isn’t great to remember as far back as that.

Well what are they of? Where were they taken? You can search for people individually too if you have other pics of them. You could search ‘bus’ or ‘car’ or ‘bush’ - who knows

Because the videos are ten years old and pre dated their relationship by eight years.

Because he’s clearly watched the majority of the footage before being ‘outraged’.

Because he’s now using a sex act OP performed in the video, to which she now doesn’t consent, to bring pressure to bear.

I’m happy that you’ve been able to talk @July26

From what he said and how his emotions got the better of him, I’m hoping this will not become a pattern where he gets emotional/angry, says he wants to separate only to comes back with ‘it was so hard for me’.

Im also surprised at the intensity of his emotions over not getting that particular sex act. If it’s that important to him that he can go in a rage over it, is it really not a deal reader for him? Genuine question btw. It seems out of proportion to the issue of the sex act (rather than finding the videos oyswim)

You can search by date or location, you just have a rough idea. I mean there are other things you can search but if I was looking for sex videos from 2017 (random example) I would search for 2017 videos. Not too tricky really.

Cis woman ? Really ?

I can’t think of a single reason why anyone on MN would say this because it’s not a direct comparison. They’ve been together two years and the videos are ten years old. Unless the ex is still on the scene somewhere it’s irrelevant. And in a million years the main takeaway for a woman wouldn’t be a sex act that he now refused to do with her !!

He could ask OP to let him go through her phone to assure himself that none of the apps have accessed the photos recently, and she’s telling the truth. And then wave the relationship goodbye because he’s just proved he is, in fact, a dick.

Yeah I’d be upset he still had them and I’d ask him to delete them including out of his recently deleted.

I wouldn’t be making a deal out of a sex act he may of done with her and not me because I wouldn’t have sat there and watched all the videos either.

He lost the higher ground when he mentioned sex act you won’t do with me. It stopped being about the videos themselves at that point and about the sex act alone which he has clearly asked op for and she has said no.

That’s what I’m thinking. My search button throws up the most random pictures, if I search for the sky it will show me pictures of my dog on the couch 🤣🤣

They’ve been together two years. The videos pre dated their relationship by eight years. And if OP has an iPhone or similar, a record of which apps have been used to access photos will be kept. So he can check for himself, or not if OP has recognised that he’s a walking red flag and dumped him.

Lots of people saying he’s a dick but if this post was you saying you’d found videos on his phone of him shagging his ex girlfriend I guarantee everyone would still be calling him a dick and saying he will have been watching the vids when you’re not there. Don’t know why he went through your phone in the first place that’s weird but I can understand why he’s really not happy about it

Why is it a double standard ? If you had been in a relationship with someone for two years and found videos that pre dated that relationship by eight years, what would be the reason to be upset ? Assuming that there is no contact what’s the problem ? OP says there are about 30 minutes of video and it’s clear he watched quite a bit before he decided to be ‘outraged’.

And the very fact that his main take away is that she took part in a sex act she now doesn’t consent to is reason enough for OP to finish the relationship herself. It will come up again and again, as will the videos themselves in every single disagreement to come.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said but i would have a massive issue with him for watching such a personal thing without my knowledge or consent. If he's stumbled across them and caught the first few seconds then fair enough but hes watched them long enough to find the sexual act that you have said no to doing with him. How much did he see without your consent?

I’d like to know what you’d search for too

It might actually be helpful fir me to find some photos when I’m looking further them 😁

This^ he was clearly snooping to go back that far and he breached your trust.

Most people have had sex before when entering into adult relationships and while of course it wouldn't be nice to actually see your current partner with their ex he's played a stupid game and won a stupid prize by snooping so far back and then getting angry that you had a relationship before him.

I think his reaction is very problematic, I wouldn't trust that he's not snooped looking for things and personally I'd be ending the relationship if he hadn't already.

And what do you suggest I search for?

You don’t have to scroll you know, search function exists.

And? I would not be interested either