DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

Why did you keep the X-rated video? Did you sometimes to look back on the video to jog your memory? The problem I would find hard to understand is not making the video but that you kept it.

Most people would be upset if they saw a video like this. That is hard to forget and to move on from.

I think videoing one's sex acts is gross. Not to mention the stupidity of keeping a video of one's sex acts on one's phone for a decade, long after breaking up with the other person featured in the video. I could not be with someone who did that, so I would react the same as your partner.

I would be fuming if I found that on DH’s phone, partly because of the stupidity of keeping it there. I’ve seen things go very wrong between another couple where police were called after the woman found out the man still had the videos on his phone (he was sharing them) after they broke up.

His behaviour isn’t great but you may also be minimalising this issue.

And charging your phone or being too lazy to get up when it is out of reach is not an excuse to use eachothers’ phones as a normal thing. Use your own phones from now on.

Not everyone is happy to be filmed having sex. A lot of people think it is the norm. It's not. Many of us don't want to do it. I certainly don't.

Similar here. I've never had photos or videos of me naked or sexual, and thank God no boyfriend ever asked for them. But my ex went through old photos in an album and scribbled out the face of my university boyfriend who pre-dated him by several years.

I don't doubt he'd have gone through my phone if he'd known the passcode and I bet he had a few attempts at guessing.

Instead he went through my journal, appointment diary and bag. Always saying things were "sticking out" of the bag when I knew they weren't. He was verbally abusive, jealous and controlling.

I voted YABU because why on earth would you contact this prick again?

He's got serious jealousy and anger issues, and if I were you, I'd be glad the trash took itself out.

Now block him and be glad he left of his own accord. Then get your locks changed ASAP.

I think there is a big difference in checking your partners phone for something minor, very recent and with their permission and trawling through 10 years of stuff. For example I would check a text from my MIL about what sort of food she wants bought to a bbq on Saturday and not look for other stuff.

He’s projecting and up to no good.

Video must be really old so he didn't just "come across it looking for photos of a recent holiday". So hes lying. He was checking up on you.

Well, for starters, he's lying. He didn't just happen upon very old videos. He shouldn't have been snooping through your photos anyway. Weather, you use each other's phones or not.

But actually, the reason for his temper tantrum is irrelevant actually. Look at how he has handled this and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with such a twat. Much more serious things will happen over the years and if this is how we happen, handles things you're far better out of it.

luckily, you don't live together.

You might feel like you love them and feel distraught about this at the moment and that's understandable but in time you will come to see that not tying yourself to this twat is for the best!!

One day you'll see it for the luckiest escape. It is.x

I wouldn't be happy if my DH had kept videos of him having sex with an ex. Saying he forgot would not stop me from dumping him.

You’ve had a lucky escape, the trash has taken itself out.

Yes, this. He can have normal feelings, anyone would have been shocked, but his reaction was highly aggressive and frankly repulsive.

Any man who behaves in such an aggressive, demeaning fashion is not safe to be around.

If he comes back with a totally grovelling apology it might be worth looking into saving things - but he won't. When he calms down he will likely decide to be oh so gracious and take you back and then act like a martyr and scream abuse at you over this. Forever.

Are you also sure OP that he hasn't copied your video to use as a means of humiliating you?

Lol. No. Watching prostitutes be fucked by strange men, prostitutes who are mostly at best bored, often in pain, drugged, coerced or even enslaved, is certainly not even in the same ballpark as filming two people having consenting sex, then forgetting the video was even there.

Nobody thinks you're this stupid. Nice try though.

My phone occasionally creates and flags up little slide shows of past photos and videos, sometimes from several years ago. Facebook does it too. They are often grouped according to a location, event or person. I find it creepy and intrusive, and ignore it when it happens. I don't know how to stop it or configure it. OH and I have always opened each other's post, gone through our pockets and bags, and nowadays each other's phones, tablets and laptops. Heaven knows what's waiting to be discovered.

I bet hes mad because hes realised your ex is bigger than him🤣

The thing is with phones they hold things you forget about. Yes, I’d also hate to see that but when snooping TEN years ago on your photos it’s really his own fault.

He had no right doing that and based on this behaviour and his reaction I’d think a bit before moving forward with your relationship. It sound like early stages of controlling behaviour. Rational, secure men do not do this.

He would have had to have of done a hell of a lot scrolling through to get to 10 years ago.

I don't think I could recover from seeing my husband in an X-rated video. I'd see it in my head every time we initiated sex.

I can understand where he is coming from, If it's a genuine mistake sorry OP but I don't think he will get over this image.

Well, she has nothing to hide as this was a historic video 🙄

Ofcourse they were getting down to it. 😂

I’d delete the videos then delete them from deleted items, not for any moral reason but just to get them gone.

Then delete all chats with Mr Stormer-Offer, delete his calls and delete his number. He might call to apologise profusely but I would remove the temptation to call him.

Oh, and I’d change the pass code on my phone.

I think he was wrong to go through your phone, but tbh if I saw pictures on a partners phone which were x-rated, even though from years ago, I would be pretty pissed off as to why they were still on there, and would potentially come to the conclusion that you couldn’t bring yourself to delete them.

I think he is massively overreacting - I definitely have similar on old flash drives etc if not my phone, would be amazed if my partner doesn’t have some of exes, who cares, it’s all in the past!

Of course he was innocently scrolling through your phone 🙄

You have done nothing wrong at all. It doesn't matter how explicit the videos were, the past is the past.

He's upset and jealous. From experience though, I don't think he'll let this go. He'll use it against you and destroy you. Nobody deserves that.

I think it is