DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

If the only version of this is on the OP’s phone and not on a phone belonging to an ex, she has control of the video. If it is on her ex’s phone the ex has control.

Hope this thread makes people realise that it is never a good idea to keep this kind of stuff on your phone. Delete! Delete! Delete!

Technology is advancing so fast that it is too much of a risk to record anything like this.

I’m going to call it early.. he’s cheating.

If you do end up staying together, my concern is you will pay for those videos many times over.

Take care of yourself OP.

You can laugh all you like. If you can't grasp that people behave differently in different relationships because of different dynamics, or because they've changed as a person, so comparison is pointless, then that's your lack of understanding of human nature at fault. Nothing to sneer at me for.

You sound like you’ll be way better off without him OP. You don’t just “accidentally” stumble across videos from that many years ago. Likely he’d have to scroll for ages to find them!

This in spades. You have a relationship history with someone else, would have been better to delete vids /photos but that's not the point. It is history. He needs to get over it. Why was he even going through your phone?
But having said that, I get it has wound him up and made him jealous. A lot of MNers would be the same if it was vids /pictures of their h /p's ex. Many would say it wouldn't bother them, I don't usually believe that for the best part.
In your case though, even if you lived together I'd call it a day with him. You have the easier option as you don't.
But for the cool gang on here, double MN standards as usual. Screaming blue murder because a bloke goes through his partners phone. But, as always it's fine for a woman to do the same if looking for 'evidence' as long as she doesn't get caught doing it.🙄

Why does it matter how many there are?

@PassTheCranberrySauce no, she says the videos date back ten years. She has made no mention in any of her posts how long ago she split with the ex, nor that she hasn't spoken to him in ten years. For all we know, it could have been last year and she still speaks to him.

Regardless, if you made six explicit videos with your ex, despite not being keen, at his request, why would they be on your phone not his? He'd be the one wanting to watch them. If they were made on her phone you'd then send them to the ex. Then, seeing as you weren't keen to make them, you'd delete them. There and then. You wouldn't simply forget about them.

Lol, yeah right. Meanwhile, back in the real world.

MN tends to be very double standards. 🙄

No I’m not because he’s ended the relationship. An abuser would use this as manipulation and control. Abuse is a long process of controlling a partner, not reacting to something that nearly everyone would find upsetting. This guy has seen that his partner has quite frankly a library of sex tapes from when she was with her ex. Claims she didn’t want to do them but they are saved on her phone so she either made them on it or saved them when shared. On six occasions. Doing stuff with the ex that she’s told him she doesn’t want to do with him. I’d feel like crap and I’d end it too. That doesn’t make me abusive.

OP hasn’t spoken to her ex for 10 years! That’s the point. It’s almost as if the current DP is accusing her of cheating or being disloyal, which is nonsensical, given the videos are 10 years old.

Men on this site arent even allowed to speak to an ex.

Honestly, the more you reveal about him, the more odious he sounds. He's so far out of order here.

He went through your phone? And now he's acting like this? Value yourself higher, and block him.

Why would anyone keep that stuff on their phone. And what sex act?

You may say that, but I doubt you would be so nonplussed if that happened to you.

No, OP hasn't suggested she wasn't aware of being filmed, these seem to be videos she's made willingly with a partner. I'm just trying to understand the moral difference between having sex with your partner, and watching yourself having sex with your partner.

Saying or doing something that leads to someone to feel guilty isn’t “abusive” in itself. Neither is getting angry or upset with someone else. The term “abusive” is used far too liberally by some. Sometimes I think it’s a way of being able to demonise another person good conscience.

Who has 6 sex videos on their phone? People who are so unbothered about them, they forgot they even existed and forgot to delete them.

Yeah it's a bit awful for your partner to see, but he was blatantly snooping and if he actually listened to OP calmly he'd realise that she wasn't saving them to watch regularly.

Also, to the PP who is a man - it's also gross to think of you did something with someone else in the past you should do it again, and to find that "hard to get over" if you won't. What if she hated doing it? What if she isn't into it anymore? OP has clearly eluded to not really wanting to do it. So entitled.

Would you though? Or would you come on here, write a thread, and people would convince you he wanks off to the video all the time?

I judge my relationships on whether they are satisfactory to me. If any aspect was a deal breaker, then the relationship would have been over already. I don't need to use the yardstick of how partners behaved to others to know whether something is acceptable to me or not. I'm my own person. It comes with maturity and confidence.

This is all so sordid.
People who enjoy videoing the sex they engage in need to take responsibility for what happens to those videos and who ultimately sees them.

My phone regularly sends me reminders of days in photos and groups them together by category - playground fun, sweet treats, beach etc so it probably just popped up. Could have easily been an "On this day" but it's just a video of his girlfriend getting railed by another man.

His reaction is over the top (especially about the sex act) but I wouldn't be happy about it either. I'd be concerned that he's copied them to his phone and could now use them for revenge porn or blackmail.