DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

😂

I know the OP has confirmed what the act was, but if it was what I had guessed, I would assume it would be filmed by a phone (or video camera!) propped up somewhere, or him using her phone, or his phone and sending the videos to her?

But sometimes people forget. It’s human nature. And clearly, if these were ten years old they pre dated OP’s relationship with this man by eight years. She also had no problem handing her DP her phone so obviously there was no ulterior motive for keeping them. The problem here is that he wasn’t so bothered about the photos being there as he was about a sex act that OP doesn’t want to engage in, so it’s not really a fair comparison. I’d bet the farm that this isn’t the end of it. The photos will be brought up again and again at every cross word and pressure will be brought to bear to perform that act that he now has to ‘live without’.

This is incredibly manipulative on his partner. It’s fine to be comfortable trying something at one point in life and then deciding it’s not for you as you are older.

Why do you even want him?

He sounds ridiculously overly emotional.

I don’t think I would bother contact him again.

He could have handled this so much better. To raise that he is uncomfortable with you having them and ask you to delete. But he is having a hissy fit because you don’t pay attention to what’s on your phone from years ago. He’s a weirdo.

They should certainly delete them from their phone if they are with a former partner, and the are with a new partner.

A man would be expected to do so, so why not a woman?

He was looking through your phone? That isnt normal. Let him go.

so you think women shouldnt be 'allowed' to change their mind about what sex acts they want to do at any given time? Do you think they 'owe' a partner a sex act because they have done it 10 years ago with somebody else?

looked for the vomit emoji but here wasnt one

That the OH shouldn't be looking at videos if it's a photo he's supposed to be looking for?

I can't think if anything less erotic than watching a film of my partner getting pegged

😂

Phone: "Look at this random video from eight years ago." Mine does this, on Photos, Facebook and other apps without searching.

I had sympathy for your dp before you explained what has upset him. I (like many other posters) assumed he felt let down by you keeping videos with initimate scenes with your ex. But now he is saying he reacted so strongly because it has been hard for him to go without doing things he likes & you were doing them in the videos - all / nearly all my sympathy has gone. He is just manipulating you OP! There was no need for a huge over-reaction, it is just a tantrum to get what he wants! He could have had a grown-up conversation with you along the lines of - I saw the videos, that made me sad that you still kept them, I also saw you doing X in them, that I like but you don’t want to do anymore, and ask you why, what has changed for you, a grown-up conversation about your sex life etc. Not storming out & emotional threats & then manipulating you to get you to do X!

Time to buy a massive strap on and give him what he wants.

I disagree, on my phone it's very easy. Each option is there, with a screenshot /picture. If you were to click on videos they are all there with a screenshot from each. I'd imagine a sex tape will be easy to identify by the nudity. Videos are right next to camera (photos). Maybe there was a holiday video he wanted to watch? Who knows?

It doesn't matter how easy it to find a video when you are actively looking for it. You still don't stumble upon videos from a decade ago when you're looking for a specific photo.

But it wasn't a photo. What's the point you're making?

It doesn't matter what sex the person is, these were videos from a decade ago that were forgotten about.

He will use those videos to coerce you into doing the thing you’re no longer comfortable doing. Do not get back together with him!

He needs taking down a peg or two

Pegging 👀

He needs to hook up with the guys in the offensive best man speech thread. They sound suited.

Sorry missed update

How does the woman film that though

Oh my GOD, this is Mumsnet hypocrisy at its very finest.
The replies, if it had been a bloke with sexual videos of his ex girlfriend on his phone!!!
OP, YABU.