DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

Eh? Everyone absolutely has the right to not give consent to anything they want. Whether they've done it before or not.

Some weird thinking there

??
Has it occurred to you she may have tried something, reflected, not been comfortable to do it again and therefore has every right not to?

Demanding something because an ex got it - whatever it is - is toxic and manipulative

If a man said that, people would be saying it was a disgusting attitude, that women don't owe men anything, that people have a right to change their minds about what they enjoy and consent to...

He sounds an immature twat. That was then, this is now. I worry this is some pathetic attempt to try to get you to do something you obviously don't want to. He sounds manipulative, reactive and a red flag.
A real man would accept that you made the videos with an ex, it's not like you cheated, and would have moved on. If he wants to throw the future away over ancient history, that's his problem, you deserve better ❤️ move on with your life xx

This. I mean, say a man won’t give a woman oral sex. Then she finds six videos of him having sex with a previous partner, and him giving her oral sex is featured. This wouldn’t sit well with me. Sorry, OP.

If someone has well-founded suspicions that their partner is currently using swinger or fetish sites or paying for escort services, or has an OW, yes. Not photos or videos from 10 years ago.

Christ, who hurt you? Determined to make this the OPs fault definitely comes from your inner pain somewhere.

Everyone has a sexual past. A few forgotten videos doesn't make someone a demon.

There is a lot to unpick, but a couple of things stand out to me.

Firstly your opening post implied you didn't really want to make the videos in the first place. That implies you are not good at maintaining boundaries - or knowing what the boundaries ought to be.

The second thing is that your current partner "stumbled" across them. If they were from 10 years ago, he would had to have gone back a long way to "stumble" over them.

Thirdly, who's idea was it to use the other person's phone when yours/their's is on charge etc ? DH and I occasionally use the other's phone if we can't get a good signal on our own, but it's not the norm. Was it your DP's idea originally?

My take on this is that your DP may not be as nice as you think he is, and he often checks your phone under the guise of his being on charge.

His reaction has been a bit OTT and dramatic and he may be wanting you to to be very contrite before he agrees to reconsider. Which will definitely give him the upper hand in the relationship going forward and you may find yourself agreeing to do the stuff you don't want to do

Tell him that you are sorry he feels the way he does, but you tried something once and didn't enjoy it and have no intention of trying it again. If he can't get past that and respect your boundaries then the relationship is dead in the water anyway.

Then run away and find someone nicer - or just enjoy the freedom of being single.

It's not humiliating. It's not about her partner at all, it's nothing to do with him so he can't be humiliated. She's said she forgot they were there. She could have said "oh sorry forgot about those, I'll delete them now" and that could have been the end of it.

Any acts she will or won't do with him, for whatever reasons, are a completely separate issue. If he felt bad about what he saw (when snooping), then it was for him to deal with. It's his choice to draw the line where he wants, but he shouldn't be shaming the OP.

If he searched Google photos or whatever the Apple version is sometimes that brings up stuff totally unrelated. OP. Did say they use each other's phones so he may not have been digging

OP, all you can do now is let him go.

It doesn’t matter whether he was snooping or found the videos by accident. Did he know you had done this sex act before? It’s a tough one because if you said you’d done it and didn’t like it he’d say “you did it with him but you won’t do it with me” and if you said you’d never done it and had no interest, he’d say “how do you know you wouldn’t like it if you’ve never tried it” - but both of these responses are immature, selfish and manipulative. A decent man will say “oh, ok, you don’t want to” and leave it at that.

I think you’ll be better off honestly, he sounds jealous, manipulative and controlling.

He’s a creep for snooping and watching the videos in detail so he can critique the content! You are well rid of him.

Probably for the same reason women go through their partner's phones, and they're usually encouraged to do so on here.

It doesn’t matter if he has, distributing it would be a criminal offence.

You're better off without him. He invaded your privacy, and does not understand consent. Just because you did something with a previous partner doesn't mean you owe your current partner the same.

First page of replies show the double standards of Mumsnetters.

Opening post from the OP clearly indicates she has kept sex videos of her and her ex in her phone.

If the roles were reversed there would be no focus on 'going through the phone'.

Im not surprised hes called it quits, 6 videos kept including ones showing acts you havent done with him? Thats humilating .

Oh, and you definitely kept them for a reason.

Unless both partners were virgins , they will have a sexual past. Some partners want to know about it, some absolutely don’t. Perhaps the bigger issues are searching through a phone to such an extent they find something ten years old, that’s a lot of scrolling, hardly just looking at the last couple of messages or photos they’ve exchanged and maybe suggests some real insecurities. Additionally, people need to think about what’s on their phones, totally agree that without consciously looking everything just transfers over to a new phone, but those videos/ photos are accessible on the cloud and can be found by people who know how to look, not me I hasten to add, so we all need to think carefully about making and storing videos that perhaps we don’t really want others to see.

Sounds like he was looking for a reason to break it off to me. Nobody goes back through someone's photo reel that far for no reason or at the very least he wants you to do the thing you've refused.

Stop grovelling to him. He's behaving like a dick.

Wow. Judgemental and patronising.

Why was he going through your phone?

He is a dick

I usually disagree with posts that say, "If the situation were reversed the reaction would be completely different...", but in this case I have to agree. Whatever the rights and wrongs of him looking on your phone - and there are ambivalent views on MN concerning that- I presume you would be deeply upset if the situation were reversed.

If not, then crack on. You've been extremely careless with something you were unwise to allow in the first place, and now, sadly, it's come back to bite you on the bum. I'm sorry about that. Please use it as a learning experience.

Stop judging her - he shouldn't have looked at them full stop. Even if he did find them and viewed one because he didn't know what they were he should have stopped and asked her not just looked at them - it is an invasion of privacy and totally unacceptable! Also if she is open with her phone, if she knew they were there she would surely have deleted them so obviously genuinely forgot they were there! He is sulking because she won't do something for him that she did for an ex!

I bet a fiver than he comes crawling back and at some point this abusive and controlling coercive behaviour will continue.

Hopefully the latest ex hasn't sent it to himself before flouncing off!