DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

You're an idiot to have kept the videos and I'd be really unimpressed and hurt if a partner of mine had done this, and I would also suspect they'd been kept for a reason. Are people really this reckless about videos, to the point that you don't even know you have them on your phone? So much that could go wrong here.

It's probably over, I'm afraid. Sure, he shouldn't have been looking through the videos but given that you share phones and allow each other to access them, I'm not sure that's quite the sin some are making it out to be.

No i haven't had a threesome with him. Because he doesn't want one. He enjoyed it but he didnt like the aftermath of it. I dont think that means he prefers sex with his ex. I havent seem a video either. I also haven't gone through his phone over the past 10 years. Or his Facebook for that matter. If I do do that, and find something that is hurtful, I would think that was on me.

Cloud?

I’d feel relieved he ended it after that message he sent you

I'm not saying it wouldn't be hurtful. I am saying that the OPs partner looked through her phone going back 10 years, and he didnt have permission to do so.

The one unanswered question so far is why has the OP kept the videos.
She's already said that she wasn't happy making them and that her partner at the time was at least a little bit coercive so why would you keep videos (especially explicit ones) that remind you of that relationship.
I'd have thought that the first thing you do when a relationship ends (and certainly what I have done) is delete any photos, texts, phone numbers, emails etc. of the other person, if only to clear space in the phone memory ?
I'm sorry I don't buy "I've got six videos of me having sex with someone I didn't like but forgot to delete them after ten years...."
The OP may also wish to wonder what her ex has done with his copies of the videos?
From a technical note I'd also like to know what sort of phone has enough memory to store video data from ten years ago ?

If it was something I really wanted to do, then I literally watched him in a video doing it with other women, it would upset me. I have feelings, and I’m not a robot.

Do you want a threesome with your husband? If so, have you watched a video of him having a threesome with other women?

He hasn't blocked you because he wants you to grovel, and he's looking forward to that bit.

Block HIM and take control. He's allowed to end the relationship, just as you are. Make sure it's permanent from your end.

It really wouldn’t be.

Honestly if you came across a video of your husband having a threesome with someone else on his phone I think it's quite natural to be upset

OP obviously has the right to no longer want to do certain sex acts, but let's not pretend it wouldn't be hurtful to find they'd kept a video of them doing that act with someone else for nearly 10 years!

Anybody has right to end a relationship for whatever reason. His reasons are valid to him and OP should respect that without trying to decide whether he was “right” or “wrong” to end things with her.
It doesn’t make him abusive or controlling that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship.

This! Don't take him back. He'll just use this as an excuse to snoop, and coerce you into sex acts you don't wish to do.

Lots of posters who have had abusive partners, project their own experiences on their posts

Disagree. He has an absolute right to have had a threesome years ago and decided later that he did not want to. Whether I wanted to or not. I would then decide whether its soemthing I could live with or live without. I am also mature and secure enough to know that he could enjoy something with someone else. And it not mean he likes me less or finds me less attractive.

That depends… if you loved threesomes, and he’s done them with others in the past, but now refused to do so with you, then yes, I think it would be reasonable to be upset with that.

But if you don’t like threesomes (and I’m guessing you don’t) then obviously it would be silly to get upset over it.

Not everyone guards their phones with their lives. My partner can look in my phone any time, I don’t see the problem as I have nothing to hide?

I dont believe i am. I have access to my husbads phone as we both know our codes. I also have been asked by him to look for something. I do not think that this means I can look through it all, and not would i. I actually have a lot of trust issues due to my exh. But these are my issues. If you erode trust in a relationship by pkaying fast and loose with privacy you are on a hiding to nothing. In this case the OPs (i really hope) ex partner looked through 10 years of photos. She did not consent to that. And on your example of a photo album, you would likely be there when the person was looking through it. The OPs ex did not do this in front of her

To be fair if my DH had kept multiple videos of him railing and ex partner I wouldn't be impressed either, I'd be even less impressed if he was giving her oral as well - something he has refused to do with me.

I do find it strange that so many posters are trying to label the boyfriend as abusive when there's nothing to indicate that, he knows where his line is and he's ditched OP rather than drawing it out.

You’re splitting hairs here. If someone gives you permission to look for a particular photo, then it follows they don’t have an issue with you looking at their photo album! You can’t look for a specific photo without seeing lots of others!

OK, so he was curious and looked at some other photos when he did so, so what? She’s already clearly indicated that she had no problem looking through her phone photos!

If someone hands you a photo album and says “have a look to find so-and-so photo, I think it’s near the front”, it’s hardly a major offence to then flick through other pages out of curiosity. That’s effectively all he’s done here.

That’s their problem! Something for them to learn to manage. As an adult there might be plenty of things we can get animated about, but everyone’s entitled to their own history and privacy.

Well, I'd say you've dodged a bullet frankly.

Fair enough but I read this from the first post to mean that the other stuff was even older than the videos
But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years

She does actually say I may have been comfortable trying something nearly 10 years ago in a subsequent post.

That's ridiculous and why was he on your phone in the first place? Surely you need to be very determined to find something, anything, to dig up to the 10 years old files!
Besides the very reason being incredibly silly (who ends things over whatever old stuff on their SO's phone, my goodness!), it also seems suspicious. Could it be that he was just looking for a reason to end everything while having his own reasons he just didn't want to disclose? Maybe he cheated himself or just wanted to break up but didn't have the guts to have an honest conversation so he made up the situation where you would be "at fault"?

My husband had a threesome many years ago and doesn't want to do it again. Should I be upset?