DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

He didnt even have permission to look for a photo from a specific time or date. The OP says he was watching a video on her icons and accessed the camera roll.

Being upset about having previous sexual partners = unreasonable and odd

Being upset about a video of having sex with previous partners on your phone = not even in the slightest bit unreasonable

I find it quite disrespectful to both the current partner and the past partner tbh. The intimate relationship with the previous partner has ended and with it, so should intimate footage. A new relationship has started, and with it, previous sex tapes should probably be wiped.

As for "forgot they were there..." Give over. If that came out of a man's mouth there's not a poster on this thread that would give it an ounce of credibility

Only if they were sorted in reverse date order?

She forgot they were there, she deleted them when she knew.

I agree

He did not have permission to scroll back TEN YEARS.

Its like GDPR - he had permission to look for a photo from a specific date and time. He did not have permission to go beyond those dates.

Its cool.

The more that poster posts, it reminds me of a boyfriend I had once who would use that type of manipulation to get what he wanted.

I think most people who can see why the boyfriend is upset are bothered by her keeping the videos (which is something she has done during her current relationship), not about anything she did before the relationship. It's not the fact she did or filmed the stuff, it's keeping the videos and not taking any care over them.

Sharing a phone with your boyfriend on which you have videos with your ex is so recklessly unkind that I suspect if the sexes were reversed people would think the boyfriend had done it intentionally to fuck with her.

Your body your rules, personally I would message him to ask him if he had any of his things at yours so you can bag them up and leave them by the door ready for him to collect.
Everyone has a past so in hindsight once he realised it was you in the video he should of stopped watching, I'm assuming he saw all 6 for his reaction. You can erase your last but you can carve out your future and you can do better than this wannabe film critic.

She didnt 'literally give him permission to search through her videos'. She didnt literally give him permission to look at all. This is what she says she gave him permission for:

He was using it to watch something whilst I was showering and then went on to the camera roll, he says he was looking for a photo from a previous holiday and stumbled across the videos

So she gave him permission to watch a video. He then took it upon himself to look for a photo, without permission. And then looked through 10 years worth of photos and videos.

So yes. He doesn't have any right to be uoset and the OP has had a lucky escape

Maybe they did the act and decided they didn’t like it. Being disappointed in not being able to do something to someone else’s body is a bit demanding.

If someone gives you permission to literally search through their photos/videos, then you can hardly blame them when they find photos/videos you don’t want them to see!

Yes, his browsing extended beyond the particular parameters of looking for a holiday photo, but it was after he’d been given free rein to search her photos/videos, and as he presumably was not told “don’t under any circumstances look at any videos from 10 years ago”, then I really don’t see what he did as a big deal at all.

Bravo well said!

OP you've had a very lucky escape imo and you should have been the one dumping him for this gross invasion of your privacy! He is basically punishing you for having a sexual past.

I had an ex do this. Went through my phone and found sexts from many years before I met him. CF was the one who cheated yet he would still always bring it up.

Having said that (hypocritical I know), if found multiple videos of my partner shagging another woman and doing sex acts he wouldn’t do with me, I’d probably be utterly turned off too. I’d try and get over it but knowing me, I probably wouldn’t.

Cut your losses. He shouldn’t be going through your phone and this will always come up during arguments. He might see it as a free pass to cheat. Don’t waste your time and energy on him.

Oh sorry I thought that was for me!

No. If I did that we would have had a threesome wouldn't we?

Do you have an inability to debate with others whi have a different point of view than you without trying to be personal, because I'm getting vibes that you do that?

No. But if someone has set a boundary, I don’t want to watch a video of them doing it with a previous partner.

No way I would stay with a man who kept videos of him and his ex shagging. I find it hard to believe people who are justifying the OP by saying it's private, it's before they met etc.

Also it really doesn't take that much of a deep dive to see photos/videos from 10 years ago on a phone... Mine rotates various photos and groups them and deliberately shows me ones I've not seen for ages. Even if scrolling through videos it would take me a matter of seconds to get to a decade ago (and that's hundreds/thousands of videos). Everyone is acting like he's spent hours sleuthing to crack some top secret code.

No I wouldn't. But I wouldn't be going through his phone.

I don't think he's that into you.

Do you coerce people into doing something you want just because they had done it before, even though you knew they didn't want to do it?

I'm getting proper vibes from your post that you do that.

And how would you feel if you saw that encounter with the XW? Would you be happy to have seen that?

He’s not going to get past this. I don’t think I’d see my husband for dust if he watched 6 videos of me having sex with someone else, especially if it featured things he longed for but I was refusing!

Yes i did want one, but he didnt want one for the reasons above. I havent watched a video, again for the reasons above, but I know he had and enjoyed a thressome with his exwife.

I can't understand the point of this thread. he thinks it's over. How would the views of us random internet folk have any bearing at all on it ?

People are saying ‘don’t take him back’ bla bla, she’s the one starting a thread asking if he’s unreasonable because she wants him back, he already dumped her. Everyone can leave a relationship for whatever reason if it doesn’t work for them anymore.

Whether he should have watched the video is neither here or there, he saw her explicit videos with her ex, he’s unhappy and can’t get over it and has ended the relationship because it’s not working for him. You may be happy if you saw explicit videos like that of your partner but he’s not and he has every right and free will to leave the relationship and he has.

I didn’t ask if he wanted a threesome.

I asked if you wanted one, then watched a video of him having a threesome with other women.