DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

Please stand up for yourself. If this had happened to a female friend, would you genuinely advise her to apologise and grovel?

Be careful that he didn’t air drop them to his phone to watch later and now has a copy. I don’t know if you can tell this in your phone history somehow.

Yes, he's allowed to be shaken up because lets face it -no one wants to see a video of your partner with her ex- duh! It's how he handles the issue with OP that shows maturity and inteligence. In his case he has thrown all the toys out of the pram, had a massive tantrum and blamed the whole thing on her like a narcissistic 5 yr old.

Is this the level of intelligence, maturity and self restrain you want in a partner? If answer is "yes" your bar is low.

Very.

Forgive you for what?

God almighty, chuck this one back - he sounds like a fucking prick

She was very clear. He was watching a video and accessed her camera role while she was on the shower. How is that not snooping?

She has already explained she has an iPhone, so it’s all stored on the cloud and it transfers everything when you get a new phone. You don’t have an SD card and you don’t have to deliberately keep anything, its just all automatically there.

@toiletpaperthief ,

‘There's always a 'balanced' reaction to finding his ex video from 10 yrs ago on HIS phone , something in between of "this is so much fun, lets watch it together" and "YOu evil c-unt I never want to see ya again!".’

Agreed.

But he is allowed to be shaken up.

I suspect this won’t be a permanent separation in any way. If it is, the whole thread is a bit pointless.

I agree with @Banabaythat his real upset is at you doing something with someone else but won’t do it with him & he’ll be trying to manipulate you to now beg to do it with him.

Don’t fall for it - he doesn’t sound nice at all. Accept it’s over & move on to someone worthy of you!

But you are expecting people here to act with logic. Far better to given unhelpful "he's a monster" validation answers. That way there is no need to engage with people having complex lives and different preferences and expectations in relationships.

@JJkate ,

There are oceans of clear water between subservience and not being thrilled to see a xxx rated video of your partner and an ex!

oceans and oceans.

There's always a 'balanced' reaction to finding his ex video from 10 yrs ago on HIS phone , something in between of "this is so much fun, lets watch it together" and "YOu evil c-unt I never want to see ya again!". All depends on your IQ, maturity and level of insecurity.

Under His Eye

I'd never film myself like this or want to be with a man that did. The only naked pictures of me that exist are from 1986.

There seems to be an attitude that it's normal, it's cool, and anyone who doesn't do it, or doesn't want to be with someone who wants to, doesn't want dick pics of their partner or sends naked pictures to them is repressed and judgemental.

Interesting everyone jumps to looking at a partners phone is suddenly a sign everything is awful. We all have different standards in relationships for levels of privacy we expect.

I’m can see why he doesn't believe you. You say you were uncomfortable making (yet did make) x rated videos with a previous partner doing things you are uncomfortable doing now. Yet you also didn’t remember that this happened. It is not impossible but sounds more like an excuse. When I am uncomfortable about things they stick in my mind. I’m not saying you are lying but I wouldn’t judge someone for thinking you were. Given the discomfort expressed about these videos I would think they were being retained for other reasons than simply “bad admin.”

The reality is people are likely to react badly to a partner not telling them about keeping videos with an ex. How badly will vary. People have every right to end relationships for any reason they like. This case looks like the trust is probably gone, so not much chance of fixing that.

Best option here is to learn and move on. Being a bit more open with future partners, if you need to keep videos of exes explain that you do and why.

I am very sceptical about the amount of people who claim that discovering that kind of video on their partner’s phone would have no effect on them whatsoever.

’wow, cool vid, really pleased to see you were having a great time. Let’s watch it together. Maybe I could learn something from your ex, he looks really talented’

NOT.

Agree with this. He will bring this up whenever you have an argument or hit a rough patch, he was totally out of order prying in the first place. You are entitled to your own past staying private, as is he.

This is like pulling teeth. He might suspect that she is cheating on him now.

How could OP cheat on him almost ten years ago before she met him?

As long as you don’t keep any videos on your phone you should be OK.

But that would be for current cheating not a video of say a blow job an ex gave 5 years ago.

If the Op then got mad about the video it would be why did you watch it??! Check the date stamp and move on. If the video is an issue bring it up in a grown up way like hey I saw it could you maybe delete it, it makes me uncomfortable that you still have it.

Not omg I saw the video you never give me blow jobs!!! It’s over.

No, well-founded suspicions that she was cheating on him. We don't know what he was actually thinking. And, again, if it was a woman doing this, no one would blink an eye.

he checked from years before they were together, is it cheating if she doesn’t know he exists?

Im happy with my partner, if we break up and I meet someone in a couple of years have I cheated on someone I haven’t met yet, or am I entitled to my life now?

What are you expecting him to forgive when you’ve done nothing wrong?

These videos are years old, he purposely looked that far back so he was obviously looking to cause an argument or something because why would he scroll so far. He’s annoyed you’ve not done a certain sexual move with him, that suggests that he would rather you put your discomfort aside because he’s needs come first, I bet he’s the type of man that makes you feel like you can’t say no.

On Mumsnet if a woman posted that it would considered as reasonable behaviour....
How many times on here is the first response "have you checked his phone?"