DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

again, people are misrepresenting the thread and only picking up on that part, conveniently ignoring where hes pressuring her to do a sex act she doesnt want.
My daughters would call that 'pick me' behaviour when women defend these sort of men.

again, people are misrepresenting the thread and only picking up on that, conveniently ignoring where hes pressuring her to do a sex act she doesnt want.
My daughters would call that 'pick me' behaviour when women defend these sort of men.

actually, several revolting posters have made some really nasty comments to imply that OP is in the wrong by not wanting to do a sexual act because shes done it in the past.

And that’s the beauty of MN. Differing opinions.

That's different. You know there are tonnes of sex videos on your phone. You may forget some of them, or what some of them show. You haven't forgotten that every single one exists.

Yep. I never scroll back to old items on my phone. I recall years ago only learning I still had a video a brief ex sent me of him wanking because I had decided to backup my phone to laptop and had been looking at a slideshow.

Or I may remember I had taken a video but completely forgotten it was still on my phone.

I have tonnes of sex videos/pics on my phone. Couldn’t tell you how many, so there are definitely loads I’ve forgotten about!

You forget about sex videos on your phone?!

The ick factor would come from realising my partner wasn’t intelligent enough to understand why it would be a really bad idea to keep 10 year old sex videos casually stored on a smartphone. Give your head a wobble and delete them.

A way to solve that is not scroll back oh her phone years before he met her when she was in the bathroom. Fuck around and find out!

Why would it sting to find graphic sex videos of your partner with a previous partner? If you don’t understand that, I’m afraid I can’t help you there. I’ve been with my DH for 25 years, yet it would still make my heart sink if I found graphic sex videos of him having sex with an ex.

Why would finding videos from ten years ago ‘sting’ ? It’s not like it was last week is it ?

I think common sense has gone out of the window here a bit to be honest - if it was a more recent ex I could understand it a bit more, but I don’t think ten years ago and pre dating the existing relationship by eight years is relationship ending, and a woman finding similar stuff on a man’s phone isn’t really a fair comparison. If I found similar on DH’s phone from years before we even met I’d ask him to delete it but I wouldn’t go scrolling through it to find stuff to make me angry and then demand that he do things he no longer wanted to do, just because he’d done them with someone else. That’s batshit.

This is Mumsnet your automatically in the wrong if you have a penis 😂

This would op be ok if she found out her husband had pornos with old gf on his phone

None of us have suggested that OP pegs him. We’ve only said that we can understand the disappointment if OP said that she doesn’t want to peg him, then he finds videos of her literally pegging another man on her phone. Of course his feelings are going to be hurt. It doesn’t give him the right to expect it, but it would sting to see that. OP was stupid to have her own pegging porn on her phone if pegging is a boundary for her.

Just checked updates. Love the conclusion.

“Glad you understand about the vids now, deleted and forgotten, I won’t peg you up the bum though but howz about a pizza at the weekend”

but thats not what the thread is about, is it? Its about him pressuring her to do something she doesnt want to, and gross rapey posters implying she should because she did it 10 years ago with a different partner, as if people dont have any autonomy over their own sex life.

OP didn’t say she found it offensive, she said she didn’t want to do it any more. Totally different thing. People grow and change and ten years is a long time. OP says she is open to her DP using her phone and had no qualms about him accessing it, so clearly is telling the truth when she says she forgot the photos were there. If she hasn’t viewed them for years why wouldn’t she ? Or are you suggesting that her DP is reasonable to be annoyed that she won’t do the ‘act’ with him, just because she did it with someone else years ago ?

Oh and OP said the videos amounted to half an hour of footage and the ‘act’ was only on one of them, so he clearly had a good scroll through before he decided he was disgusted by them.

Really??? Fucking hell...

Nobody is going to forget doing this act and being filmed and having the film on their phone.

You actually can forget. I do.

What are you shiteing on about?! 😆

If this sex act is so offensive then why did she keep multiple videos of them on her phone for so long? Not the sort of thing one would forget, you'd imagine!

conveniently missed out the bit where hes pressuring her for something she doesnt want to do?

well yeah the op messed up there but that doesnt mean your disgusting comment is OK.
your comment is the literal equivalent of saying a husband cant rape a wife as they had sex once.

Same here

Pet friend memories
Restaurant memories
Illicit shagging memories