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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask ds to ask his gf to dress appropriately?

187 replies

Daisypod · 26/07/2026 20:26

We are going to a national trust place soon and ds has asked if his relatively new gf can come. I’m fine with that but she does tend to wear very revealing clothing (skirts only covering half her bum!)
Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to dress a little more conservatively for the day? If so how would you say it?
I really try to not judge others clothing choices but honestly I think showing this much is a bit much for a family day out.

OP posts:
Velvera · 26/07/2026 20:52

Just avoid the adventure playground. In case she fancies a go on the swings.

MeridaBrave · 26/07/2026 20:51

If it was a church I’d say there is a dress code. I think you’ll just have to suck it up.

Fluffyscrubberdo · 26/07/2026 20:51

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/07/2026 20:49

I do think footwear is different. It’s fine to say if certain footwear is required or not appropriate.

Why is that different? Is someone is happy to walk in whatever they are wearing why would you think it was okay to “require” them to wear a certain type of shoe to dander around a Manor House garden?

Gladitsraining · 26/07/2026 20:51

If you feel embarrassed by the way she dresses why don't you go on the outing without your DS and his g/f?

sassyduck · 26/07/2026 20:50

Do not say anything. It will 100% end badly for you.

parachutegirl · 26/07/2026 20:49

You obviously can’t police her clothing directly but you could suggest going for a walk around the grounds that absolutely will have some stingers on some of the overgrown paths so it’s advisable to wear trousers.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/07/2026 20:49

I do think footwear is different. It’s fine to say if certain footwear is required or not appropriate.

Wheresthebeach · 26/07/2026 20:48

Are you nuts?

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 26/07/2026 20:48

Fluffyscrubberdo · 26/07/2026 20:47

Are you refused entry from a national trust property if you are not in a floral midi dress and trainers?

Yes and that's just the men.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/07/2026 20:48

Don’t say anything, you will just make her annoyed or self conscious, both are not good.
That she is not dressing appropriately is your opinion and not a matter of fact.

superspideysense · 26/07/2026 20:48

Please don’t. She can wear what she wants.

Fluffyscrubberdo · 26/07/2026 20:47

Are you refused entry from a national trust property if you are not in a floral midi dress and trainers?

DontrockthecaravanGeoffrey · 26/07/2026 20:46

There are so many threads on here lately about 'inappropriate' clothes from what the neighbour hangs on the line to what a cleaner wears to suitable ensembles for cream tea in a National Trust tearoom.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 26/07/2026 20:46

SpaceShark · 26/07/2026 20:36

Awkward situation. I feel you, but be warned, you will get nothing on here except people screaming about women's clothing being policed etc etc.

In reality you can either ask your DS to have a gentle word with her about appropriateness and hope it doesn't sour your relationship, or you can decline to invite her.

It’s not just about policing what women wear (and actually I think the responses would be the same if it was a man’s clothes OP had an issue with).

This is her son’s girlfriend. There’s no way to make this request that doesn’t cause issues. However it’s worded, whoever says it, no matter how well intentioned, there’s no way she doesn’t take it as “my boyfriend’s mum thinks I dress like a slut”.

Depending on the location, you could make practical suggestions. Eg the national trust we often go to a lot has a really long hilly stony walk that we do, as well as a nice house. If it’s somewhere like that and you’re doing a walk, suggesting sturdy shoes might result in her not wearing a skirt and instead going for a walking boots and shorts outfit. Or saying you’ll be having a picnic on the grass so not to wear anything she doesn’t want grass stains on.

Tablesandchairs23 · 26/07/2026 20:46

Slut shaming her will really endear her to you!

Eumaybe · 26/07/2026 20:45

Ah tough one!

I hear you but no, you can’t say anything. Just look away and wait for the day out to end.

AGlessandahalf · 26/07/2026 20:45

Do you have any DD??

Littletreefrog · 26/07/2026 20:44

Don't say a word. It's not as if you are going to the Buckingham Palace Garden Party and absolutely nothing good will come from that conversation.

Boreded · 26/07/2026 20:43

Ffs…imagine having a daughter and the boyfriend tries to tell her what to wear…you’d be calling him controlling and telling him to LTB.

At the end of the day if she was really dressed inappropriately she wouldn’t be allowed in. Instead you just don’t like how she is dressed

Newusername0 · 26/07/2026 20:42

Yes, yes. Do that. Then come back and let us know how it goes!

Velvera · 26/07/2026 20:41

A mini skirt at a National Trust place? <faints>

VestibuleWeaver · 26/07/2026 20:40

SpaceShark · 26/07/2026 20:36

Awkward situation. I feel you, but be warned, you will get nothing on here except people screaming about women's clothing being policed etc etc.

In reality you can either ask your DS to have a gentle word with her about appropriateness and hope it doesn't sour your relationship, or you can decline to invite her.

A gentle word? Lol.

SpaceShark · 26/07/2026 20:39

SummerInSun · 26/07/2026 20:33

Exactly this. She can dress however she wants. You don’t get to decide what is or isn’t appropriate. There is no objectively “correct” way to dress. If this were the Victorian era you’d be appalled if she showed a glimpse of ankle!

Show quote history

"There is no objectively “correct” way to dress."

Of course there is. Would you wear a polka dot bikini to a funeral? Maybe you would, but more fool you.

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 26/07/2026 20:37

Kit her out with a Laura Ashley dress I'm sure it will be fine and have a jolly outing.

SpaceShark · 26/07/2026 20:36

Awkward situation. I feel you, but be warned, you will get nothing on here except people screaming about women's clothing being policed etc etc.

In reality you can either ask your DS to have a gentle word with her about appropriateness and hope it doesn't sour your relationship, or you can decline to invite her.