To ask ds to ask his gf to dress appropriately?

It's common sense and basic social awareness for the vast majority of people over the age of 6.

The NT also don't publish a code telling you not to run through the house slapping the paintings and tapestries with a wet mackerel whilst singing Knees Up Mother Brown at top volume; but that doesn't mean they'd welcome you doing it.

Yes, sometines you just have to leave people to it - but they must be extremely oblivious if they don't notice all of the raised eyebrows and people commenting to their friends about it, everywhere they go apart from the night club.

Or maybe they do and they just like to shock people and make them feel uncomfortable - and then berate them for 'slut-shaming' if they say anything about it? I don't believe that all of them are just blissfully unaware and not doing it deliberately because they want a reaction and like the attention.

I noticed that too. Wondered which half…..

My now husband once asked me this when we went to meet his grandparents. No idea what what he was expecting as I’m a jeans and t shirt person anyway 😂

But I feel uncomfortable with male or female bum cheeks, fine at the beach or club but not Tesco’s.

Since when has national trust had a dress code? Who made you the fashion police. Yabu, you dont get to decide whats appropriate and make someone else feel uncomfortable

don't think you should be accusing anyone of waffle because the piece above is screaming out for maple syrup.
Yes anyone can wear anything they like, but they do not have the right to make people they are with feel uncomfortable- the OP has only ever seen this girl in revealing clothing, so the fear she would wear it for a family day out is reasonable, and a problem.
Going to idea someone hates women just because they object ti you doing whatever you klike with a disregard for everyone around you is lazy, stupid and self-serving.

What a load of waffle. No, I don't think I'm special for liking revealing clothes and having interests, as many, many people are the same. You seem to have a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that women can dress whichever way they like and still have an interest in anything. It does not make it "less likely" in the slightest. That's just your own internalised misogyny speaking.

Also, it is not suggested anywhere that OPs son's gf would even dress in a mini skirt to go to this day out. I don't wear a mini dress to go hiking. The problem is you thinking that because she chooses to dress in a certain way that she is therefore braindead and only cares about how she looks and her only interests must be limited to social media and boys.

I'd argue that, ironically, it's you who thinks they're special for dressing like a Mormon and acting like a pick me. "I don't wear mini skirts and I like nature, I'm so much better than all of the other girls" 🫪 just say you hate women, it's already obvious. Yawn

You can’t enjoy a walk around a garden and a coffee if you like to wear mini skirts?

That’s got to be bollocks, no one would wear that in front of their boyfriend’s parents! Mini skirt sure but the stockings and suspenders no way…

You might not be unreasonable here but this is a situation you can't win. Your son and his GF will take offence and you will be the bad guy.

My DD 17 dresses quite conservatively but even she wears these tiny skorts that the lasses are wearing this year. She loves a NT visit, we’ve been to NTs, Hampton Court, Tower of London in recent months and no one seemed to care that she was wearing a short skirt.

as for the suspenders look - sounds very 1980s Madonna and was something I did back then, this is not new.

if she wore a bhurka, would you also ask her to dress "more appropriately"?

Her style, her choice.

"Not one of the people saying "Women should wear whatever they want and absolutely nobody should vociferously object to it" would express the same opinion if men started going everywhere in public wearing shorts that showed off their pants and/or bum cheeks"

Agreed. I see men wearing saggy trousers that show off their hairy bum cracks far more often than I would like.

The question is, if my daughter had a new boyfriend, and he was planning to go to our family do wearing saggy trousers that showed off his underwear and his hairy bum crack, would I ask her to say something to him, or just grin and bear it?

You haven't been out for a while then. I've seen this look.

Next year girls will be wearing nothing but thongs and nipple shields and people will be saying "Well it's her choice."

That said, as far as the original question goes, OP can't say anything. She must simply let GF get on with making a show of herself.

Of course, nobody should be controlling other people; but if people don't understand the basics of appropriate dressing in public, I don't think they can be surprised when people inform them. It's perfectly possible to choose clothes that may not cover a lot, but do at least cover the absolute basics that are the reason for people bothering to wear clothes in the first place.

And when I say the absolute basics, I'm talking about the parts that we even teach little children should always be kept covered unless somebody is helping you to go to the toilet or medically.

Saying that women should be entitled to wear whatever they want in public, however outrageous, is all well and good; but what about the great many normal people who don't want to see underwear and bare bottoms in public? Why is it all one way, when it comes to choice? What gives people the right to think that they can display their intimate parts to everybody who happens to be nearby, and it's their problem if they don't want to see private parts?

Not one of the people saying "Women should wear whatever they want and absolutely nobody should vociferously object to it" would express the same opinion if men started going everywhere in public wearing shorts that showed off their pants and/or bum cheeks - and be insistent that nobody should try to control him by deeming his own free choices unacceptable and should just 'not look'.

If the OP is the instigater and organiser of the trip I don't see why she shouldn't request that the gf dresses 'a little more conservatively', making it clear that this is simply because she, the OP, is a bit on the prim side and would feel uncomfortable with the gf's usual style? No judgement of the gf, just a polite request for some reciprocal courtesy and understanding.

Son and gf can have a private eye-roll over his mum's uptightness yet hopefully humour her with good grace. If she gets a suitable opportunity on the day, OP thanks gf for being understanding of her age-related discomfort.

If gf opts to ignore the request, the OP has to practise insouciant acceptance of walking round an NT property with a fashionably, if revealingly, dressed young woman. Hopefully seeing that no-one else bats an eyelid at gf encourages OP to relax a bit and accept 2026 mores.

I understand your pov. However, to not make any suggestion and have someone feel uncomfortable is also not appropriate. I'm very active outdoors and would always suggest appropriate clothing if someone was coming along who might not have experience.

I've seen people on trails in sandals and skirts, getting hurt feet because no one told them to bring leggings, socks and trainers, for example. I get that OP just doesn't like how the GF dresses, but equally, a change of clothes might be a good idea. Iyswim

On the underground in London the other day, where great outfits abound...with 13 year old granddaughter. Opposite young woman who had on the bottom pants that were riding up quite a bit and suspenders and stocking.
Now I know not to clothes shame, but my granddaughter looked like she wanted to say something. Luckily she's at the cute stage where they love Japanese fashion which is mercifully modest.

I didn't say it's impossible, I said it's less likely. Revealing clothing is not appropriate on a family day out.
I used to have a friend that liked bareback riding naked,the fact she liked it didn't make it appropriate.
You seem to think having interests and liking revealing clothing makes you special in some way, it doesn't- the discomfort of the rest of the family on the trip is more important than the GF's self image, but tackling clothing choices head on is hurtful so I was suggesting a kinder approach, both for the GF and the family.

I had very questionable taste at 19. My in-laws and then boyfriend never said a word to me about it. Now we’ve been married 20+ years with two kids and live in the suburbs. Outside a penchant for rainbow coloured dresses and docs I’m insanely boring 😂. I’d just let it go and ignore it - the more fuss the longer it will last!

I understand but you’re absolutely in the wrong position to say anything. If it were my own daughter I’d risk it but you really can’t if it’s your son’s girlfriend.

You sound awful. And you are on course to drive your son away.

I understand what you mean op but I don’t think there’s any way to say it without it causes a rift between you.

there’s an in-law of mine that dresses very inappropriately (prostitute/brothel type clothing) and even dressed like that to a funeral.

people stare and talk about her but nobody says anything to her

Loads of women dress like this in France. I’m sure if I went on holiday in the UK I could regale the same tale to those back home.

I’ve not met many hookers recently, but I don’t think they dress like that. I can remember the atrocities I used to wear when I was young! Luckily none of my boyfriends mothers tried to police what I wore!