To have feelings for a married man even though nothing has happened between us ?

What is attractive about a man like this though? Note that he's posed the idea first to see if it's possible rather than simply leave his marriage if that is no longer something that works for him and he has allegedly not been happy for a while. Presumably if its a no he has every intention of remaining married. Necklaces for women you fancy but barely know, that aren't your wife is such an ick OP, surely?

Sounds more like he is seeking the opportunity for an affair than anything else. Call up his wife once he claims to have left her and find out if he actually has and what reason he's given. If any of it is true then I imagine the part where he's been courting someone else for some time and now fancies progressing that hasn't come up. Better still in this scenario, call her up and let her know what's been going on so that she herself can move on to someone better.

I don't think your own behaviour is mitigated as much as you think by not having slept with him or kissed him but it's by the by. I can't imagine having gone along with any of this with a married man in the first place unless I had very low self esteem. There are plenty of people and men out there who aren't married (and who don't give a single shit about their wives feelings) to 'click' with and professionally network with. Trying to establish an emotional and consistent private relationship with one is a different thing.

I'd honestly tell his wife and sack him off OP, we all can do better than this.

This. ^ Utterly baffled as to how anyone can be so ignorant, tone-deaf, and ludicrous. The OP is living in a fantasy world, and this bloke just wants an extra-marital shag. If he doesn't get it from her, he will find another woman to shag him. He doesn't care about the OP. Sad thing is, she really can't see it.

I always wonder how married men don't get the ick over these types of women such as yourself OP? Is a desperate other woman really such a catch she’s worth sacrificing a marriage over?

Grim, he’ll toss you to the curb too just as soon as the next shows up. Does it not make you feel trashy? Because it’s how I would feel, like a squib from Harry Potter.

@DeepGreyFish it's not just your user name that's fishy. It's the whole post.

What on earth have you come on here hoping to achive?

I am inclined to think this is yet another rage bait wind up.

Or that you op are a disingenuous person with few morals and incredibly low self esteem.

It isn’t a double standard you have been in an emotional affair for a year.

Im not sure what your question is. You both have crossed multiple boundaries and sticking your head in the sand and saying oh we haven’t had sex makes it better.

This is a situation that everyone has their own moral and ethical boundaries on. You have already crossed my personal ones.

I also would never invest or build a life with a partner who is a cheater.

Anyone can cheat I’m not naive enough to think otherwise but I absolutely wouldn’t be welcoming someone I know cheated in their marriage into my life. To be able to cheat you need to be able to lie, manipulate and he has been living with his wife for a year while investing time, energy and emotions into you. Why would you want to share a bed and life with someone you know is capable of that.

What are you hoping will happen now OP?

I'd say that if he's still married you're in a minefield. What's to say it isn't a rough patch or man crisis. I wouldn't jump straight in, if your moral compass is okay with it then try getting physical, then see if he's still the same

I am familiar with the concept of networking.

It's not too hard for adults to discern when there is sexual chemistry between them, or even if there is a one-sided attraction (in either direction). You don't just blindly walk into a situation like this

he wants to leave his wife because he wants to explore whether there could be something between us.

… and so there might be. Until someone else comes along. You want that?

would you be ok if you got together and then he was doing the same thing behind your back? I don’t know what has gone on but I think that’s what I’d be looking at.

if he is prepared to behave in a way which is unacceptable then he might do it again to you: I’m not sure if I could ever have trust if my relationship began like this.

If he wanted to separate, then with no children, he would have done it, not just told her and you that he wants to.

Thats of this is real of course… 🤔

I always think when someone who is apparently a woman comes on mumsnet, a mainly women’s forum, basically saying that she’s having an affair, and then starts mentioning double standards and being very defensive when ‘she’ has apparently come for advice, that its is a bit strange.

You are already involved in his marriage. It's naive to pretend you are not.

Op you are deliberately lying to yourself and that is what I loathe most.

And yes get some self respect - he's a wonderful man?? He's a married man and he's a disloyal flirt at best , a gross deceiver potentially putting both yours and his wife's emotional safety and sanity far below the inclination of his dick.

When people say leave on MN they don't mean have an emotional affair for a year and leave that way!

It's not that hard to live a dignified life. You just have to live by a moral code which includes not fucking over people , even if you don't know them and you fancy their husband!!

Urgh.

I would suggest to him that he sorts his issues out with his wife , and you cut contact for a year or 18 months or whatever. He needs to have the space to figure things out with his wife, whether that’s divorce or not. And once he’s separated, if he does, he should also take time to consider whether it is actually you he wants, or whether he just wanted an out.

basically, cut your losses now and revisit it in a couple years time if he’s got his shit together.

Um, you've been dating him for a year though? The fact that you haven't technically crossed the line because you haven't touched seems a bit irrelevant here

Ugh ugh ugh.

Triple triple yuck.

Work on things with a CHEATER!

You reap what you sow and if you want a miserable, moral free life, you do you boo

Leave him alone. He is not the loyal type.
Post back the gift.
It is not appropriate for a married man to give you a gift like that.

Keep some sense of self respect.
Forget him and avail yourself to go out with a man who will commit and not cheat and flirt while away on work trips.

Please dont act on this. If anything was to happen wait until he's officially left his wife and living apart from her. This is coming from someone who had their marriage ruined by someone who knew about me and the kids and still went after my husband. He's not innocent by far as he entertained her. It broke me. And if his wife dosent know he's unhappy this will break her too. I'm glad to read you havent acted on anything yet but if you going to please wait to do so

Under the circumstances I would cut all contact until he is divorced. If you allow any kind of overlap you will never know if what you have is real. You will always wonder if you were just a distraction from his boredom in his marriage. Don’t do that to yourself.

I’d run a mile. He’s a married man who’s started up a , so far non physical, but definitely emotional affair behind his wife’s back. Dinner, drinks, jewellery and now he’s thinking of leaving her….,but not confirmed until he gets the nod from you. Even if he does leave, getting together at the start of divorce proceedings, no.
He’s not a catch OP. You have the benefit of knowing all you need to know before you go any further.
Wish him well and tell him, now is not the time.

So you've been engaging in an emotional affair for over a year now and are looking for permission to make it a full blown affair (he wont leave his wife).
Walk away and find a single man