To have feelings for a married man even though nothing has happened between us ?

Ah that old chestnut.

I assume they’re also sleeping in different beds?

Don’t be naive OP.

Keep your distance from him.

Unless he has proof in the very near future that they are divorced and living separately, then it’s fair game to crack on. Until then, keep away.

I’m with blushroses6 on this one

I think this. Would you be happy if you were in a relationship with him and he conducted himself as he has with you? This declaration of feelings for you has not come out of nowhere- you must realise that?

I would be if the opinion that you and he have been conducting an emotional affair, even if not a physical one. Enough of a relationship for you- and possibly him-, if he is being truthful- to develop strong feelings. You might not have said anything to him about those feelings- but it must have been clear to you both that something was going on. This simply was not an innocent friendship, it just wasn’t and even if that was not your intent at the beginning. You could have stopped the friendship at the point of realising it was more, but you didn’t, and I think there was a reason. At least be honest with yourself, if nothing else.

It is a horrible thing for him to have done to his wife. You might not want to be involved in their marriage, but you are. You aren’t responsible for the failure of the marriage, though.

And no, he should not stay in an unhappy relationship if he does not want to try and work on their problems. That doesn’t mean he should have started an emotional affair with you before ending his marriage though. That is a betrayal of his wife, of sorts.

I agree you should let him end his marriage and deal with the ending of that relationship, before starting anything with him. If nothing else, I’d be wary he is (however unconsciously) looking at you as a way out, with support and someone else he does have feelings for, rather than you being the driving factor. I might be wrong, but it would be one concern I would have in your shoes.

The other concern I’d have is the “I’m so unhappy, my marriage is awful, I’m going to leave her for you” narrative. It’s a bit cliche’d. If he was so unhappy, why not end the marriage and then declare feelings for you? Is it because he’ll only do it if there is a safety net (I’d steer well clear of that)? Or is it that it’s a line to see where it gets him? I’d want to see the actions- ending the marriage, living separately, etc, not just hear the words. I may be cynical, and maybe he is genuine in his feelings towards you- I’d just be very careful. He’s already shown you he is happy to indulge in emotional infidelity, so I’d want to be very cautious.

How can you see who's loved a post?

Is he divorcing first? 🤷‍♀️ if so then fine. But how will you know for sure…. Don’t let him have his cake and eat it!
Are you sure you’ll trust him?

You made a big mistake if you accepted the necklace. That's not a present a man buys for a friend or colleague and I'll bet he hasn't told his wife he bought it. So you are already having an illicit relationship with him even if you haven't shagged him yet.

But I also don't want to be someone's "reason" for leaving.

You won't be.

He'll probably shag you like he shagged the last woman when he told her his wife 'doesn't understand' him.

Honestly, there's one born every minute.

Nah, no way I’d date a man who had bought me jewellery behind his wife’s back! He obviously has low morals. If he split with his wife first that’s totally different.

He can't be very wonderful to be treating his wife as he is. Let him show you he is serious by actually fully leaving her and then you will know if he is actually a decent person. It is okay to fall out of love with someone, but how you treat them if you do massively shows what type of person you are.

OP I once developed what I thought were feelings for a married man at work. It was never explicitly stated but I got the feeling he felt the same way. We never flirted, never crossed a line and do you know what I did? I stopped speaking to him. Completely. And the ‘feelings’ (I think it was limerance) went away. I speak to him occasionally now and feel nothing. It’s the only correct way to handle a situation when you think you have feelings for a married person.

You might be the loves of each others’ lives. If he leaves her go for it

You’re in dangerous territory here. You only know what he’s telling you. Men lie, all the time, to get laid. Be VERY careful.

You say he’s a wonderful man, but he’s married and has been nurturing a relationship with you on the side - before you deny it, he HAS. You wouldn’t feel the way you do had he not laid the ground for it.

Don’t beat yourself up, but you’ve been suckered into an emotional affair with a married man. You now just need to wake up, be clear thinking, and get yourself off this trajectory.
You tell him that you don’t mess with marriages. If he wants to leave, he needs to do that and sort out his shit.

If, down the line, he has left, has a place of his own, and is demonstrably single again, THEN you can consider if you’d like to date him.
Keep your dignity and self respect. Not only is it important for you to be able to live comfortably with yourself, but it’s important for your work reputation too.

Good luck!

Tbh I honestly think if my husband was doing what he is doing to his wife I would find that more devastating then just sex. As its far more intense and cosy then a quick fumble.

But you are someone who interferes in someone else's marriage.

Of course something has happened between you, you knew he was married yet you spent time together, swopped numbers, met up for dinner and had several other meetings.

Do you think it fair on his wife? You may not have slept with him but it is an affair and you (and probably others) are contributing to the end of his marriage.
Whatever slant you wish to put on it you have been seeing a married man.

It would have been more meaningful if he’d told you “I’ve left my wife. I’ve been unhappy for a long time and we’re divorcing” and then continued to be your “friend” until this was finalised.

What he’s actually saying is “I’ve developed feelings for you. I’d like to take it further, but I’ll hedge my bets, cheat on my wife and string you along… I might even dump you after a shag or two….” I notice he assumes you feel the same. Both presumptive and arrogant.

Can you elaborate on what’s ’wonderful’ about a man who buys jewellery for other women and corners them at parties to hit on them while he’s married?

I’m missing a big part of that puzzle.

Oh OP. Really? I honestly struggle to understand how people can be this unaware.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with anyone leaving a relationship they don’t want to be in. No one is saying that. But sniffing out another women, buying them jewellery and declaring your ‘feelings’ for them while still with your spouse is arsehole behaviour at its finest.

Does that really need spelling out to you? That you haven’t already told him to eff off speaking volume about your values and integrity.

Urgh urgh and urgh again.

Get a grip op

He hasn't left though has he.

No ones saying he shouldn't leave an unhappy relationship. But that's not what he's doing. He's setting up the next one before he's even pulled the rip cord on this one.

He's a dickhead, and the fact your even still entertaining the idea of a relationship with him after the stunt he's just pulled is utterly idiotic.

Surely you’re already part of his marriage breaking up if you’ve actively nurtured this knowing full well he was someone else’s husband?

Leave him to separate from his wife before getting involved. Stay single and date other people. If he leaves then you can consider starting something then.

A “wonderful man” is not one who conducts an emotional affair and buys expensive gifts for another woman whilst he is married. Where did his wife think he was all the times you were together? I bet my mortgage he lied to her.
Lying, to me, is neither attractive nor an indicator that someone is “wonderful”. Quite the contrary.
I wouldn’t touch a married man with a shitty stick.

You’re going to get a lot of batshit responses on here from jealous women who are worried about their DH doing the same, but the reality is, you’re not the one is married, and you haven’t done anything wrong. Sometimes marriages just don’t work out, and it’s perfectly legitimate for him to decide to move on, just so long as does actually leave his wife before embarking on an affair.

Don’t let him string you along while staying in a relationship with her. He has to move out first.

Isn’t that what they always say? Not that I’ve ever been the other woman or have any interest in being, just going on what I’ve read on here and such like. A lot of men will just tell you what you what you want to hear just to get their dick in you.

You already are doing something intimate. You are dating a married man, the fact you haven’t had sex with him is irrelevant. If you disagree with that, ask yourself, would his wife be happy if she saw how you were when you are together? Him taking you to be alone to give you a gift for your birthday is not something platonic.

You can choose to date whomever you want, but at least call it what it is.