Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

415 replies

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 10:57

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

OP posts:
FairKoala · 27/07/2026 18:26

So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it

Does he often struggle with the English language

What you said was a statement not a question.

I would correct him on this and if you are going out for drinks with people I would be making sure they all knew that he was expecting you to take 1/2 a day out of your time off to do something that would take you a few minutes

starryeyed19 · 27/07/2026 18:25

He doesn’t hate shopping. He hates YOU shopping. If it was something for him, I doubt this would have been a discussion

ScreentimeInTheMeantime · 27/07/2026 18:25

Surely doesn’t affect him if you nip in to buy it?

“You go ahead and get a table, I’ll catch up with you. I’ll have a white wine please”

envbeckyc · 27/07/2026 18:24

My DH hates shopping, but would simply say ‘I will get the first round of drinks in the pub, while you pick up the top, what would you like to drink?’

There wouldn’t be any need for anything else to be discussed.

PS5Gamer · 27/07/2026 18:20

YABU if you didn’t get the top today, and pandered to your D(ickhead) Husband.

WTAFuuuuuck · 27/07/2026 18:19

Gengha · 26/07/2026 11:37

YABU to have not just said “I wasn’t asking, I was telling you I was going to get it today”.

This and only this.

He isn’t ‘shopping’, you are running an errand

allthingsinmoderation · 27/07/2026 18:17

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

He's manipulative and has no respect for you.
He's controlling your choices and behaviour by making you feel uncomfortable by being in a "mood".
It's abusive....

BooBooDoodle · 27/07/2026 18:11

Be a grown ass adult and go and get the top. Why are you letting him order you about? Fuck that.

TerfOnATrain · 27/07/2026 18:09

You really did back down and not get the top didn’t you? Unbelievable.

LouiseK93 · 27/07/2026 18:08

Are you usually like me and say you will pop in for 'one thing' but actually spend a while in the shop? 😂

NoisyViewer · 27/07/2026 18:01

Are you usually notorious when you actually get in a shop. I have friends who once in a shop will spend ages trying on, looking at other things and something that’s promised to be 10
minutes runs into 45 minutes. If you promise to be no longer than 10 minutes then pop in and he’ll just have to be moody but any time spent after that he has every right to get grumpy as the day wasn’t about shopping but already set as drinks and food. But like other have said. Catch him up. He can get the drinks in

MrsJeanLuc · 27/07/2026 18:00

Well, like everyone else I am struggling to understand why you didn't just nip in the shop and get the top anyway.

I can imagine my DH objecting, but I would just tell him to get over himself, it'll only be a few minutes. If he came up with a reasonable objection (say they didn't have it in my size and I wanted to try different tops on) then I would probably give in - but not in the situation as you describe it ... Or is there more back story that you haven't told us?

Oh and if he continued to sulk afterwards I would DEFINITELY tell him to stop; no-one should have to put up with that sort of behaviour from a grown adult.

It sounds as if you need to be better at standing up for yourself @inkyspells .

YourRareMember · 27/07/2026 17:56

I feel like you're being unreasonable just for tolerating him tbh. Who does he think he is? Just go in and get it, screw him. Is he normally a controlling ass hole or is this a one off?

CatComments · 27/07/2026 17:53

You are being unreasonable 100% by actually listening to him and not getting it. Wtf??? Why are you letting him control you? You are your own person. Honestly is this rage bait? It's working!

WalmartWitney · 27/07/2026 17:46

You ABU purely for allowing one grown ass adult to tell another i.e. you, what you can and can't do.

PurpleCoo · 26/07/2026 23:34

I voted YABU because why are you waiting for permission to go to a shop. It's not up to him. If he doesn't want to go in he can go and amuse himself elsewhere.

You are an adult and you can chose to go in a shop if you want to

Theyreeatingthedogs · 26/07/2026 23:21

Why are you being a doormat? He can't stop you going into the shop.

CurlewKate · 26/07/2026 20:16

Why are you doing what he says?

Sesma · 26/07/2026 20:06

Does he always tell you what to do and you have to ask permission to do things, why do you put up with it

moleeye · 26/07/2026 20:04

Good grief, are you 12. Why is this even a thing - just get the top. This is beyond ridiculous

maxslice · 26/07/2026 20:01

Did you even think about letting him go on to the pub and meeting him there after you picked up your top? Everyone’s marriage is different; is he in the habit of “letting” or “not letting” you do things? You’re not unreasonable to be annoyed. But maybe next time stand up for yourself and tell him to fold his royal “We” five times and put it where the sun don’t shine.

whippersnapper55 · 26/07/2026 18:53

Don't be ridiculous 🙄 you don't need his permission to go in a shop! He sounds like an arse and you're being a fool putting up with it!

DontBotherJustChooseYourself · 26/07/2026 18:05

I could not tolerate being controlled like this.

The moodiness - over you wanting to nip into a shop and buy a specific top - he's pathetic. This has control, control, control written all over it.

Absolute ICK.

Life is too short, OP. Too damn short.

GordanoServices · 26/07/2026 18:03

But OP will not come back to respond as per all other threads she started

BurntBroccoli · 26/07/2026 17:56

You’re not a child and don’t need his permission.

Swipe left for the next trending thread