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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

415 replies

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 10:57

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

OP posts:
banmusk · 26/07/2026 11:49

Is this man likely to try and punish you if you don't obey him?

NoWordForFluffy · 26/07/2026 11:48

vegemitesandwiches · 26/07/2026 11:28

Oh, it's you. Again.

I feel like I've missed a huge back story!

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2026 11:48

Do you always do exactly what he tells you to do?
It makes no sense to go back a different day when you’re literally walking past it. He’s batshit.

Pinkchickenwine · 26/07/2026 11:47

Sorry but bollocks to that! I’d be going into the shop and he can stay outside, get a coffee of whatever! Who made him the bloody boss of every movement!

ConstitutionHill · 26/07/2026 11:46

YABU to do what he says.

RaveToTheGrave1 · 26/07/2026 11:46

You're a grown woman just go get it

NoWordForFluffy · 26/07/2026 11:45

I've voted that you're unreasonable. Not because you want to pop in for the top, but because you've agreed not to pop in when told not to by your husband. Utter nonsense.

Him 'kicking off' over this sounds like there are much bigger problems in your marriage.

(FWIW, I detest shopping. I don't consider popping into a shop for a specific item to be 'shopping' in any meaningful sense of the word.)

Tryagain26 · 26/07/2026 11:45

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

He sounds like a three year old and you shouldn't indulge him. His is you popping in a shop for 10 minutes going to affect him in any way?

AbzMoz · 26/07/2026 11:43

You could have said you’ve preordered the top and just need to collect it (so 2 mins of a job, saving on postage and another train fare) OR say I’d love to just take 20 mins in the shops, which pub will I catch you in later?

DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2026 11:43

YABU to put up with this nonsense. Surely your response is “ Of course I’m not going to make a separate journey to go to a shop we’re actually passing. By the time you’ve ordered the drinks , I’ll be there.”

Tryagain26 · 26/07/2026 11:43

I have said you are being unreasonable because you should have ignored him and bought the top. Why did you let him dictate to you?
I would have said you might not be shopping but I am I want that top and I don't want to have to come back next week .

GrumpyPanda · 26/07/2026 11:41

ReneesBigMole · 26/07/2026 11:05

I accidentally voted YABU, but I meant for listening to him and not just going and getting your top.

You can change your vote any which way any number of times.

herbetta · 26/07/2026 11:41

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

How does he acquire food to eat / survive?

Goldengamer · 26/07/2026 11:41

Nothing to say, but I feel your pain. My husband is EXACTLY the same , he gets stressed out in shops and if he absolutely has to go in a shop to buy something he’s in and out in minutes. He buys everything online , his own clothes and if they don’t fit properly they normally end up in the wardrobe as he’s never bothered to send them back . I’d love to go shopping with him and him try on some nice clothes but that’s his idea of hell . He said he’d rather have all his teeth removed at the dentist without anaesthetic that go leisurely shopping . After 31 years of marriage I’ve had to admit defeat!
Just re read your post, can’t he just wait outside while you pop in , he’s def being unreasonable , but if you are like me maybe he thinks one shop with turn into a few shops …..😂

Deadringer · 26/07/2026 11:39

Just go and get it. You would be there and back in the time it took you to write the op. If what pp said is true and its already established that the bloke is an arsehole, you have to expect him to act like one.

OvernightOats101 · 26/07/2026 11:39

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

If you disappear in the shops for 2 hours +, then no.

If you are walking in to try a specific top and buy it, you don't need his permission!

dudsville · 26/07/2026 11:39

I voted yabu because I think that, while his response was unreasonable, your response to him does you no favours.

Gengha · 26/07/2026 11:37

YABU to have not just said “I wasn’t asking, I was telling you I was going to get it today”.

Nevermind31 · 26/07/2026 11:35

Is it a quick in and out, or do you have form for needing half an hour umming and ahing over colour, size and fit and it would take half an hour? My DH does this and it is incredibly boring and infuriating when we are late because he needed to “quickly nip into a shop…” if not… tell him you’ll meet him there…

Artesia · 26/07/2026 11:35

NotAnotherScarf · 26/07/2026 11:20

But is there a back story her. Is the op like me...has to look at everything in the shop, has to go from shop to shop just looking. Then I go back to the very first thing i looked at. Has he had enough of being dragged around the shops. Does he know it will be "oh lets just look in M and S" My wife has she refuses to shop with me now.

Plus the op will be carrying at least 2 bags everywhere....getting in the way in the. small restaurant, banging against him constantly and resentful looks suggesting he carries it....

Show quote history

At least two bags, banging into him, getting in the way... how big do you think this one top is??

Bestfootforward11 · 26/07/2026 11:34

‘Kicks off’ does not bode well when talking about an adult

Bestfootforward11 · 26/07/2026 11:33

Just tell him, I’ll meet you in the pub. This really is such a non issue. If he gets in a mood, there is a far bigger problem here.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 26/07/2026 11:33

I picked you are being unreasonable because you should just go in and get it. It's ridiculous to do a while other trip to buy one thing. 🤷‍♀️

VestibuleWeaver · 26/07/2026 11:31

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

Grow a backbone and just go to the shop. Or, let me guess, are there umpteen issues in the relationship, and you’re focussing on this one fairly inconsequential thing?

nc42day · 26/07/2026 11:31

Someone that Kicks Off in order to control your behaviour is a problem.