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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

415 replies

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 10:57

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

OP posts:
ReneesBigMole · 26/07/2026 13:15

@GrumpyPanda You can’t on the iphone app.

Mapletree1985 · 26/07/2026 13:14

I hate shopping too, and if I thought I was going for drinks and dinner and then found out shopping was involved I'd be pretty unhappy. He probably knows it won't just be a quick pop-in. I'm guessing he's gone shopping with you before. However, as others have said, he is not the boss of you. He can do something else while you're shopping.

rainbowsparkle28 · 26/07/2026 13:13

The fact that it seems you are reluctant/wary to just go anyway and to not feel able to just say to him you are being silly, I am going to nip in, concerns me more than anything to be honest…

Twile · 26/07/2026 13:12

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

He is not shopping, you are.

Banabay · 26/07/2026 13:09

You sound very bullied by him.
Why does he get to tell you to do anything.
Leave him there, buy the top, ho home.

It sounds very toxic snd controlling.
I hope you don't have children and aren't married.

Get out of this unhealthy controlling relationship.

Bonden · 26/07/2026 13:08

Buy it online ffs

Lotsofsnacks · 26/07/2026 13:03

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 10:57

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

Course you are not BU!

Fair enough not all people like shopping, but this is a grab and go situation of 5 min, any reasonable partner would not be bothered! I’m sure on your usual shopping trips u go alone, so he should know is a one off. He sounds like a prick!

I’m sure there’s things he likes, that you don't, that you have to go along with, just to be a kind compromising partner?

Just run in and get the top op, don’t waste your day off going somewhere youve just walked past!

Gooseling · 26/07/2026 13:03

Loulou4022 · 26/07/2026 11:00

Or go get him settled in the pub and then nip out!

He’s a grown ass man he can go and settle himself in the pub ffs.

andthat · 26/07/2026 12:58

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

I hate shopping too. But if my OH wanted to nip into a shop to quickly pick something up… to avoid him going out again later, then of course I wouldn’t stop him.

Your partner needs to grow up.

unsync · 26/07/2026 12:58

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

Ah, so it's all about him. And you are with him why? What makes him so special that you can't just pop in to a shop and buy a top? While we're on the topic, you're an adult, why do you need his permission? That would give me the ick.

Boymum776 · 26/07/2026 12:57

Please go back and get the top, don’t let a man tell you what to do!

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 26/07/2026 12:56

YABU for kowtowing to him.

ilikemethewayiam · 26/07/2026 12:42

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 11:00

He hates shopping ,so anytime I suggest any sort of shops ,he kicks off

I do stuff for my DH that I don’t particularly like and in some cases hate but that’s what love is! It’s what being part of a team is. It’s what ‘give and take’ is. I do it because it’s either in his best interest or it’s something I know will make him happy. However, if he didn’t reciprocate in ways that are meaningful to me, my goodwill would come to an abrupt end. Do you do stuff for him that you don’t particularly want to do? If so, it’s maybe time to rethink the balance of your relationship. Don’t walk a mile for someone who wouldn’t jump a puddle for you.

chirrupybird · 26/07/2026 12:39

Do you often thwart his plans and are you 'just 10 mins' when you decide you must pop into a shop when you are going out for a meal and drinks? It sounds unreasonable, but if you have form for this I would be with him.

My DH gets distracted wanting to pop into particular shops or businesses that we 'are passing anyway' and he just wants to have a quick look, it's always I'll just be a minute, but he gets chatting and it drags on and on, it is infuriating.

TheignT · 26/07/2026 12:35

GoodbyeZebedee · 26/07/2026 10:58

You don’t have to agree with him? You could just go in quickly and if he’s in a mood, bad luck him. Is he normally controlling?

Yes why would anyone go along with that.

MotherOfSoManyCats · 26/07/2026 12:34

Just go and get it! Don't let anyone boss you around, especially your OH

MarthaLovesLaughing · 26/07/2026 12:34

NoWordForFluffy · 26/07/2026 12:31

I don't pay for MN. But I'm not linking loads of threads for you, sorry.

Show quote history

OK. I understand. From what you've already said I can guess what the threads say!!

I'm wondering if the advanced search will work on a laptop but not on my android phone

Quite a few MN things don't work on android

Thanks for the pointer 👍

gingercat02 · 26/07/2026 12:33

Park him in the pub with a pint, go get your top, have a drink. All good. Tell him to grow up!

JLou08 · 26/07/2026 12:32

YABU to not just go into the shop when you walk past it. It's ridiculous to do the travelling again when you will be walking past it today.

WonderingWanda · 26/07/2026 12:32

inkyspells · 26/07/2026 10:57

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

My response to that would be

"You can do what you want, I am going to buy the top and will meet you in the pub, because I am an adult and can decide for myself"

Heretohelp1111 · 26/07/2026 12:32

Get the top, let him be in a sulk. He’s using the sulk because it’s obviously been effective on you in the past, and it’s a great way to get what he wants. That’s a method of control. Is he controlling in other areas of your life?

NoWordForFluffy · 26/07/2026 12:31

MarthaLovesLaughing · 26/07/2026 12:30

It doesn't allow me to do an advanced search. I assume because I don't pay? But regardless. It doesn't allow me to search in that way 😕

Show quote history

I don't pay for MN. But I'm not linking loads of threads for you, sorry.

ThatCyanCat · 26/07/2026 12:30

MarthaLovesLaughing · 26/07/2026 12:28

Can you link them please

Edit typo

Edited
Show quote history

Google search Mumsnet inkyspells and they come up.

She's unreasonable to expect this colossal prick to have changed at all.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 26/07/2026 12:30

NoWordForFluffy · 26/07/2026 12:29

Just do an advanced search on her name.

www.mumsnet.com/search/advanced#/

Show quote history

It doesn't allow me to do an advanced search. I assume because I don't pay? But regardless. It doesn't allow me to search in that way 😕

Freddiefisher · 26/07/2026 12:29

You don't ask him ..
He's not your keeper / owner
Go get your top ..
It doesn't even need a conversation,just go get it