AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

I’d have responded telling her she’s a racist piece of shit and that you and the children are no longer attending the wedding and will never be seeing her again.

I mean, it’s quite obviously racist but at the same time, I would avoid spending the next week arguing about it.

I think I’d just say “sure, no problem, I’ll give it a go”.

Then rock up to the wedding with natural hair in all its glory. I mean, is she really willing to cause a big racist drama in front of all her guests on her wedding day?

I’d then give this sister-in-law a very wide birth following the wedding. She has made it clear she is racist and no one needs a racist in their lives, particularly when raising mixed race children.

Take them to the wedding, also curl your own hair with as much volume as possible. Best case scenario, she says nothing and you get to piss her off,. Worst case, she kicks off and reveals herself publicly for the racist entitled bitch that she is

You have to talk to your brother. Take the racist lady out of the conversation. If you attend the wedding it's for your brother not her.

If she has to put some distance, why she expose her kids hair to such high heat to please someone she wants to distance from?

What’s the logic?

Op, also make sure to ask her if she expects your kids to lighten their skin too?

Just say no, I won’t be straightening their hair. End of.

Really you don't see anything wrong with the bride demanding that curly hair of the mixed children be straightened for her wedding???

That's a criteria to attend her wedding and you don't see the issue?

Perfect response !

She said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

She won’t tolerate their hair not being straight?? WTF.

She cannot dictate that. After this message, I would not go to this bridezilla’s wedding telling her I won’t tolerate this way of speaking to me.

Agree, the amount of "astonishment" is interesting.

I will say as a mum of a mixed race kid I can 100% believe this is real unfortunately.

Wow. This is shocking. Your mother enabling it is also worth a serious conversation.

Can you go round and have a chat with SIL and your brother together? Better than texting and a good way to get the antiseptic of daylight on her ‘views’ and a quick resolution.

I think this is a great message.
Lets her squirm and have to find her reasoning but keeps it “polite” enough for your DB’s sake so he can see that OP is not being difficult and his soon to be (or hopefully this’ll make him have a change of heart) wife is just being a racist bitch.

Oh wow.. you have to invite a racist into your family, my condolences

I wouldnt straighten your childrens hair either. I also cant imagine poker straight would look nice on your children than their curls.

Sorry OP. Id only go with my childrems hair, clean, tidy and in its natural state. Or id stay home, your children shouldnt have to face this

If a bride(zilla) wants a particular look for her wedding party, she should hire actors or models who have the look she wants, not tell guests how they should be wearing their hair or anything else on the day.

I would hit the fucking roof if told to make my kids a bit whiter.

And anyone who thinks this is not whats happening can fuck right off, because racism is 100% at the root of this.

Start a group chat with her and your brother, copy in her messages, and the message your sister got about her white daughter's very curly hair, and tell her you won't be whitening your kids for her.

NEVER "keep the peace" with racists by changing yourself to be a bit less black. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck off and fuck that.

Jesus, your SIL is being a bride zilla!

Thing is, someone can only be “made” to do something if they give in and agree. Just refuse to be a bridesmaid if the requests are unreasonable.

The OP's Mum is hardly trustworthy on the matter!!

I don't think you should play games here or send rude messages but you do need to have a very frank, honest conversation with both your brother and your SIL to tell her that her attitude is racist and that you and your husband are very upset by this.

I think this should be done face to face.

Then you tell her that on no account will you be straightening your children's natural hair & if that isn't acceptable to her then you won't be able to go the wedding.

You also need to sit down with your mum and explain why her attitude of "keeping the peace" is also not acceptable.

It's obvious from this thread how some people just can't see how offensive this behaviour is and this woman needs it spelling out to her because she either does know & it's deliberate, which is the worst case scenario, or she is ignorant and needs it explaining to her very clearly.

Either way, you cannot let this one go.

Wow this is completely unreasonable of her.

I’m white with curly hair and wouldn’t straighten it for a wedding.

Fair enough if the bride has an idea of styles she’d like for the bridesmaids eg up/down/plaits etc but she absolutely cannot dictate destroying hair’s natural texture, even temporarily.