Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

787 replies

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:34

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
narnia2025 · 26/07/2026 09:45

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:42

My niece has curly hair too. But my sister hasn't received a text from SIL about hair yet

I hate asking this and this is coming from someone who has a mixed race child.

is your niece mixed race? If not and she is “allowed” to have her hair curly. I would probably be outwardly calling out the blatant racism.

60andcounting · 26/07/2026 09:45

I can imagine their curly hair looks lovely. It might not look as good as she she thinks it will when straightened?

Yetanotherone12 · 26/07/2026 09:45

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:42

My niece has curly hair too. But my sister hasn't received a text from SIL about hair yet

get your nieces mum to ask if it’s true she needs her hair straightened for the wedding.

luckylavender · 26/07/2026 09:44

luckylavender · 26/07/2026 09:43

No problem apart from the racism

And the sexism

pictoosh · 26/07/2026 09:43

Speak to your brother I'd say.

She sounds like a tricky one...as much as I would be aggravated by this, I'd also be wary of it becoming a war. Don't engage with her about this again...just speak to your brother.

TheyGrewUp · 26/07/2026 09:43

Actually @dramaisalifestyle I'd be tempted to straighten the DC's hair and get a really wild perm for yourself, dying it bright pink at the same time.

TheSmallAssassin · 26/07/2026 09:43

It's quite rude of a host to dictate how their guests should style their hair. Tell her you won't tolerate racism - why is your children's black hair unacceptable to her?

Yetanotherone12 · 26/07/2026 09:43

bellventrico · 26/07/2026 09:40

Don't really see the problem with this (odd to straighten the boy's hair tho)- it won't do any lasting damage

Why is it odd to straighten the boys hair but not the girls?

are you sexist as well as racist?

luckylavender · 26/07/2026 09:43

bellventrico · 26/07/2026 09:40

Don't really see the problem with this (odd to straighten the boy's hair tho)- it won't do any lasting damage

No problem apart from the racism

BendyDickCumbInMySnatch · 26/07/2026 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Palmtreesinthegarden · 26/07/2026 09:43

OldrNWisr · 26/07/2026 09:37

My children are not dolls for you to dress up as you see fit.

“She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.”

Then we won’t be attending. Have a wonderful day.

Absolutely this.

this would have pissed me off enough that I wouldn’t be going to the wedding now

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:42

Yetanotherone12 · 26/07/2026 09:40

I’d ask her if curly hair is not allowed, and has she told all the guests curly hair won’t be tolerated?

meanwhile I’d be letting it known generally that if you have curly hair it is not tolerated at the wedding, has anyone else seen?

My niece has curly hair too. But my sister hasn't received a text from SIL about hair yet

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 26/07/2026 09:42

StrongTea · 26/07/2026 09:36

Get your brother to sort it out, she’s being really difficult.

Edited

Yes, clearly your brother's problem to tell her he doesn't want his niece and nephew's hair damaged and them not looking themselves.

TokyoSushi · 26/07/2026 09:42

I though you meant straighten as in tidy, which of course yes, but straighten as in GHD or whatever, absolutely no!

RoseField1 · 26/07/2026 09:42

Have you told her she's racist?

CatMum27 · 26/07/2026 09:42

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:38

I did speak to my sister. Her daughter also has curly hair, but so far my sister hasn't received a text from SIL

So she will tolerate curly hair but not from the children with darker skin? I think that tells you all you need to know.

I would ask her directly whether she will be asking all children to straighten their curly hair or just yours. I think she might reveal quite a lot with her answer.

I’m sorry that you and your kids are in this position.

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:41

RoseField1 · 26/07/2026 09:39

On my Facebook I keep getting these supposed genuine AITA posts from Reddit and places where people post about friends and relatives who are being outrageously unreasonable for rage bait. This reads like one of those. There is always someone who tells the OP to just do the unreasonable thing to keep the peace. Assuming this isn't one of those, have you pointed out how racist she's being?

I wish this was rage bait, because that would mean I don't have to deal with this situation 😭

Unfortunately my SIL really said this

OP posts:
Lomonald · 26/07/2026 09:41

SummerSummerSummertime · 26/07/2026 09:36

Are you serious?! WTAF. No WAY would I straighten my kids hair.
How the hell does that impact her wedding in any way? Fucking INSANE and frankly, racist. Jesus.

Edited

I mean this!

RoseField1 · 26/07/2026 09:41

bellventrico · 26/07/2026 09:40

Don't really see the problem with this (odd to straighten the boy's hair tho)- it won't do any lasting damage

They are children with afro hair. You don't see any problem with an adult demanding two mixed race children have straight hair for wedding photos?

Yetanotherone12 · 26/07/2026 09:40

I’d ask her if curly hair is not allowed, and has she told all the guests curly hair won’t be tolerated?

meanwhile I’d be letting it known generally that if you have curly hair it is not tolerated at the wedding, has anyone else seen?

RevengeOfTheDirtyLaundry · 26/07/2026 09:40

What? Children's hair shouldn't be straightened, it does huge damage.

In the case of dual heritage children, it's also an important part of their identity.

Take them with their curls or don't go at all.

theresbeautyinwindysun · 26/07/2026 09:40

I would find her messages offensive and no way would I straighten their hair

bellventrico · 26/07/2026 09:40

Don't really see the problem with this (odd to straighten the boy's hair tho)- it won't do any lasting damage

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:40

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 26/07/2026 09:38

God I hope this is a wind up. Your sil sounds bat shit mental. Id tell her to fuck off. Not sure why she cares about their hair being curly or not. Unless of course what she really means is make your kids look more white? Delightful

What does you brother say?

I wish this wasn't happening. I hate drama 😭. My brother hasn't said anything, the guy rarely answers his phone in general

OP posts:
TheyGrewUp · 26/07/2026 09:40

I am confused about whether your DC are a page and bridesmaid, otherwise why would the bride have any say or interest regarding their outfits.

I cannot fathom a bride dictating a child's or anybody else's hairstyles. It is wrong. I'd probably do it to keep the peace fkr the wedding as once won't hurt but I'd clearlyntell the DC it's the bride's wish and totally unnecessary.

After the wedding I'd probably put some distance between me and the bride, and not get at all involved unless I had to. Never, of course, saying a word about or against her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread