AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

So ‘My wedding dress code doesn’t include natural black hair’? God almighty.

Get your sister on board here...if she's willing. If this is racism, the bride will soon be exposed.
Your sister could ask bride if your niece's hair is expected to be straightened for the wedding, having spoken to you. Take it from there.

I firmly advise you to remain calm and pleasant throughout this incident...not because she deserves it but because it absolves you from any wrongdoing. Let her shoulder this one alone.

Above all, speak to your brother. It's his wedding too and you are his sister.

I bet their hair is beautiful. As a very white girl with fine, flyaway, straight and boring hair, I was always envious of people like your children @dramaisalifestyle !

Please let them be natural and fabulous

I’m actually raging at this.

if your niece is not expected to have her hair straightened I would absolutely call out the racism. In fact I would probably call it out anyway as it so obviously is.i am pretty easy going when it comes to things and will keep the peace a lot but casual racism towards my child is something I would not tolerate.

This is super racist and frankly bizarre. I would be tempted to just opt out but appreciate that could create a bigger problem so I’d just save the crazy texts in case she tries to gaslight you later and then ignore them.

I agree with a few others get SIL to ask if her child’s hair is to be straightened for the wedding. No matter the answer my children’s hair wouldn’t be getting straightened and refusing to change your children’s appearance isn’t “dictating the wedding”, it’s being a responsible parent. My mother would be told to butt out too, I wouldn’t be “keeping the peace” to please a racist SIL. I’d be responding saying you’re not tolerating her racism never mind her “not tolerating” your children’s curly hair at her wedding and to ram her invitation if this is the case. This is one hill I would die on.

I didn’t think you could straighten black hair with GHDs etc, I thought you needed a full blown chemical treatment to straighten it? On that basis absolutely YANBU and she can get to fuck expecting that!

Then report it.

You absolutely shouldn't be expected to do this. I think I would just tell her that their hair cannot be straightened due to its texture. Their beautiful hair should be embraced. How dare she! Your brother is being a wet blanket putting up with brideziIlla. He's in for a fun life with her!! Hopefully he will run for the hills.

Your sil is racist, pure and simple. Your Mother is as bad as well asking to keep the peace.

I would go to the wedding and if anything was said I would call her out on it.

This idiot bride sounds horrible and needs to be told that she has no authority over your children. Who does she think she is? I would have nothing to do with this woman. I would also tell your Mother how dissapointed I am with her.

Please do not give in on this.

Wow. Usually on MN I feel like there’s a lot of hyperbolic horror about stuff that’s a bit crappy and unreasonable, but could probably be reconciled with a bit of understanding and compromise on both parts.

This is so bad I’m hoping it’s not true.

This is actually the hill I’d die on.

Who are the 2% saying this is reasonable?? Maybe she’s having a terrible brideziller personality disorder period. Or maybe she’s awful.

The lasting damage is not to the hair but to OP's relationship with her SIL who is obviously racist and wants to make OP's children look white.

Are your dc part of the wedding party and will be in all the main photos?
If so remove the 'props 'and stay home.
Or buy them insanely huge hats and wear those...
With the curls underneath..

Oh I’d absolutely make it a war.

either she accepts the children, hair included, or have nothing to do with her.

if anyone wants to know why, she said my children’s Afro hair would “not be tolerated”.

I would want nothing to do with such a racist.

Don't straighten their hair for god's sake! I can't believe your SIL would ask that - it's so insulting.

Speak to your brother and make it clear you won't be straightening the kids' hair, and that you found her suggestion quite bizarre - but that you're happy to let it go, so it doesn't have to be a big deal unless she makes it one.

(Although personally, I'd be tempted not to go to the wedding at all, after this.)

Yes, do this and find a Strawberry Switchblade-style bright pink dress to match.

DC have curls and want to straighten to try it out, so it would be a hairdresser with experience to blow dry it straight and couple of wash it would bounce back to curls. Don’t use a straightener unless hairdresser due to needing lotions etc to protect hair and future curls. Really didn’t want to do this but DC ask to try. The length of hair difference when straight was really something. Wouldn’t change hair curls unless DC ask to but for future this is not an attempt at home unless experience.

I still don't understand why the bride has an opinion about what the DC are wearing if they aren't bridesmaid/page. I'd have shut that down from the get go. Make sure you send them in trainers @dramaisalifestyle

Hopefully your DB's second wife will be nicer/more sensible.

I assume that your sister hasn't received a text from SIL telling her to straighten her daughter's curly hair because your niece is white so her type of curly hair is acceptable to your SIL.

Your SIL is a racist and the sort of person that will say 'I'm not racist but.....'.

Your mum is also disgusting for telling you to abide by SIL's wishes. These are her grandchildren and she wants to erase half of their heritage. Keeping the peace isn't a good reason to do that.

Really? You don’t see the problem? Mixed race children being told that their heritage is ‘wrong’ and they need to appear more ‘white’. Because that is what she is saying. Curly/afro hair is something to be ashamed of? I am the white mother of mixed race children. No way on this planet would I have ever agreed to them straightening their Afro hair.