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AIBU?

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AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

787 replies

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:34

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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7
BeUmberOrca · 27/07/2026 22:43

As others have said her request is coming over as racist even if it unintentional and she is stressing over the aesthetics of the dream bridal party look she has in her mind, at some point in the future she may realise her error of judgement but it’s very close to the wedding. Weddings are so emotionally stressful and sometimes brides can’t think other than their own preferences, therefore it would be better if someone like your mum could explain this issue goes far deeper than a wedding request. My friends five year old has had horrible remarks about her Afro hair by a child in her class so yes it not a simple wear hair up or down suggestion.

BinNightTonight · 27/07/2026 22:41

This is awful. I cant think of any other explanation other than she is a racist bitch.

SaySomethingMan · 27/07/2026 22:41

Such a shame that your DB is clearly marrying a racist. You’ll have to keep a closer eye on her interactions with your DC and protect them as they get older.

BeUmberOrca · 27/07/2026 22:33

Jut checked 4a and 4b hair so is it the texture of the hair your soon to be s-I-l is concerned about. My friends daughter has this type of hair and as a bridesmaid her mum (she was 6) put her hair up in a bun with a garland or some kind of decoration around it because she too did not want to straighten her daughters hair for the damage it could do to hair & esteem and her mum thought her daughters normal braided hairstyle did not suit the bridemaids dress and her son much younger just had a medium to short cut both looked smart and more importantly themselves. I really hope this situation has a happy ending for all your sakes.

x2boys · 27/07/2026 21:39

Im white and i dont have mixred race chidren
I had to google the type of hair the Op was describing
And it looks lovely natural but could you even straighten it at home forgive my ignorance but even if the Op wss willing to straighten her childrens hair would it not need outside intervrntion ?

category12 · 27/07/2026 20:48

CatLandOffTheA3 · 27/07/2026 19:02

This 100% I'm so white I'm blue (think Haaland) but this thread makes my blood boil.

Upthread, I said avoid the whole day but I think I would turn up with the kiddos with the biggest possible hair and stand back. That way, the DC get their day and if the ghastly woman kicks off, it's evident this is racist af and she will be exposed. Hopefully she won't, the wedding will be lovely and all will be well.

At least you know where you stand with this fruit loop OP.

Except these are OPs kids, not pawns to expose racism.

LlamaDuke · 27/07/2026 20:31

Have you decided how you're going to respond OP?

CatLandOffTheA3 · 27/07/2026 19:02

Dorothyperky · 26/07/2026 11:07

I think MN have removed the posts.

I've been truly heartned by how supportive people have been.

This 100% I'm so white I'm blue (think Haaland) but this thread makes my blood boil.

Upthread, I said avoid the whole day but I think I would turn up with the kiddos with the biggest possible hair and stand back. That way, the DC get their day and if the ghastly woman kicks off, it's evident this is racist af and she will be exposed. Hopefully she won't, the wedding will be lovely and all will be well.

At least you know where you stand with this fruit loop OP.

godmum56 · 27/07/2026 17:33

Paganpentacle · 27/07/2026 17:13

And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

OP... this is a hill I would die on.
She can fuck her wedding right off and keep on going.

no its a hill for bridezilla to die on.

CatVester · 27/07/2026 17:25

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/07/2026 17:13

I think it was a joke.

That's what I thought! Made me laugh, anyway.

Harry12345 · 27/07/2026 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/07/2026 17:13

Fiftyandnotsonifty · 27/07/2026 16:13

Don’t be stupid

I think it was a joke.

Paganpentacle · 27/07/2026 17:13

And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

OP... this is a hill I would die on.
She can fuck her wedding right off and keep on going.

Paganpentacle · 27/07/2026 17:09

Greenmouldycheese · 27/07/2026 15:50

If they are part of a wedding party then I get it. Theres normally a uniform look to the dress and hair. If they arent part of the wedding party then I dont see why it matters.

Edit. Just read that other nice has curly hair and hasnt been asked to straighten it. Your sil is the unreasonable one here.

Edited

WTAF?

Paganpentacle · 27/07/2026 17:08

theresbeautyinwindysun · 26/07/2026 09:40

I would find her messages offensive and no way would I straighten their hair

This 100%.
No way.
Just... no.

godmum56 · 27/07/2026 17:02

Greenmouldycheese · 27/07/2026 15:50

If they are part of a wedding party then I get it. Theres normally a uniform look to the dress and hair. If they arent part of the wedding party then I dont see why it matters.

Edit. Just read that other nice has curly hair and hasnt been asked to straighten it. Your sil is the unreasonable one here.

Edited

omg

Service Omg GIF by Starry Internet
OneNewEagle · 27/07/2026 16:49

how awful. Do not agree. I’ve got very curly hair, I’m in my 50s. I’ve never even straightened it , I’d not even know how to. I just wash then Afro comb or run my fingers through it that’s it. I had a lot of horrible attention about my hair growing up and horrific bullying at school. this sounds just the same, so sorry for your kids.

Fiftyandnotsonifty · 27/07/2026 16:13

LeedsLoiner · 27/07/2026 12:50

How about a compromise?
Don't touch the children's hair but get two red, gold and green knitted Rasta Caps and tuck their hair into them.
The Bridezilla doesn't have see their curls and the hats will add a splash of colour and really pop out in the photos !

Don’t be stupid

AwayWiththeGoblins · 27/07/2026 15:54

Greenmouldycheese · 27/07/2026 15:50

If they are part of a wedding party then I get it. Theres normally a uniform look to the dress and hair. If they arent part of the wedding party then I dont see why it matters.

Edit. Just read that other nice has curly hair and hasnt been asked to straighten it. Your sil is the unreasonable one here.

Edited

What a bizarre post. I mean, are you planning to paint the wedding party's skin tones so they achieve the requisite 'uniform' look?

Greenmouldycheese · 27/07/2026 15:50

If they are part of a wedding party then I get it. Theres normally a uniform look to the dress and hair. If they arent part of the wedding party then I dont see why it matters.

Edit. Just read that other nice has curly hair and hasnt been asked to straighten it. Your sil is the unreasonable one here.

ilovemykindle · 27/07/2026 15:49

I'm so sad that your children are being asked to straighten their hair.
Does your brother think this ok.
This is blatant racism.
I'm white and can't believe that someone can ask this and thinks it's ok.

cloudtreecarpet · 27/07/2026 15:42

LeedsLoiner · 27/07/2026 12:50

How about a compromise?
Don't touch the children's hair but get two red, gold and green knitted Rasta Caps and tuck their hair into them.
The Bridezilla doesn't have see their curls and the hats will add a splash of colour and really pop out in the photos !

??

ilovesushi · 27/07/2026 15:39

Laterlife · 27/07/2026 12:33

I agree it's racist, 100%. And I don't think you should just let it slide. But I'd put her on the spot with questions so she has to spell it out.

Eg "What do you mean by "will not tolerate", precisely? Are you saying that we should not come to the wedding if I have not straightened my children's hair? My brother's wedding? Are you serious?
And what is the problem with their Afro hair? Does (brother) know you're singling my kids out like this, because you haven't asked (sister) to straighten (niece's) blond curls. Why is it different for DS and DD?
It's deeply upsetting.

100% these are the questions to ask.

LeedsLoiner · 27/07/2026 12:50

How about a compromise?
Don't touch the children's hair but get two red, gold and green knitted Rasta Caps and tuck their hair into them.
The Bridezilla doesn't have see their curls and the hats will add a splash of colour and really pop out in the photos !

penelopepocket · 27/07/2026 12:43

i was looking at the dress code for my DS’s new 6th form the other day and they adhere to The Halo Code regarding respect of black hairstyles. Maybe send your SIL a copy of it so she can see she’s being a racist twat 😡

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