AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

Sorry this happened OP. Absolutely not acceptable. Does seem racist to me.

Bridezilla should be told no can do.

Occurred to me too how might your kids feel in years to come if they were sporting hairstyles that give the misleading impression they aren’t absolutely perfect as they are.

I assumed this too because it's the only way I could imagine her thinking she got a say in their hair! You don't tell your wedding guests how their hair should look! Plus the obvious racism. But sometimes if a couple have bought outfits they imagine they have jurisdiction over the whole appearance of bridesmaids or pageboys. Absolutely not!

This. Exactly this.

tell her you want an announcement to all guests that natural black/mixed race hair or curly hair is not in the dress code and will not be tolerated.

if she makes the announcement to all the guests, you’ll think about whether you attend or not.

What on earth. They are children! No way. If your brother wont nip this in the bud then this casual racism will keep going. She is showing you her true colours. Your mother also needs to hear it

I'm not sure why you're so eager to welcome this woman into your family. She sounds ignorant and unpleasant.

Yes, and those one normally have the other family members letting op know that the request is not unreasonable and they should just do whatever has been requested.

I'm sad your brother is marrying such a racist.
You'll have a lifetime of her snide remarks.
It is illegal to make racist insults in this country (UK). How bloody dare she.

I personally wouldn't be going to that wedding.
We're a mixed heritage family and the hair issue came up in DDs private school aged 7. We changed school.

And your mother should be angry for you. Is your husband/ DP aware of this? Mine would have to see a cold day in hell to spend time with your SIL.

outrageous. I wouldn’t straighten the hair.

She won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding? 😂
Assume you're not going to the wedding OP?

Yes, this is a great idea.

I wouldn’t bother with a response!
i actually said out loud “fuck that entirely!!” After reading, to true extent dh came through and asked what that was about!
how bloody self involved is she! How can curly hair impact her?!!!

Fuck me! Does she want you to bleach their skins too?

That’s honestly outrageous. I’d love to know her true reasoning behind this because at the moment it’s not a good look for her. I do wonder if she might be jealous of their hair.

Do they tend to get lots of comments on it from people (my son does). Perhaps she thinks two beautiful little kids will “upstage” her with their lovely curls.

she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

She thinks YOU'RE being rude? Dictating how little children have their hair done is what's rude.

And just flat out racist.

Wow stick to your guns OP, what entitlement!!

Conducting my straw poll here - is she between 27 and 35 years old?

I assume that they are part of the wedding, not just guests, due to the outfit discussion. I think I'd either just completely ignore her and do neat hair or ask her what she means by "won't tolerate" natural hair, because if she doesn't want you or your children attending she had better let you know now.

I would tell your DH this is coming across as racist and he needs. To have a word and explain ( if she really can't understand) why this is completely inappropriate.

Only you know if your SIL is the sort of person who is being ignorant/thoughtless and wants everyone to conform to her vision of sleek for the photo's or if the message is actually that your childrens natural hair is somehow not good enough for her. Either way you don't need to send them the message that straight hair is the only way to be presentable but it might change how you approach things.
What styles did you have planned?
Edited to say I agree about your sister confirming if it's right that she wants everyone's hair straightened!

Awful.behaviour from your soon to be sil

'Straighten' doesn't mean anything other than heat treatment or relaxer if you're talking about Afro Caribbean type hair. It's blatant racism.

Pullout the damage is already done

"I wont be white washing my children for your wedding. Incredibly hurtful, never mind racist suggestion I straighten their hair to make them palatable to you.
Its clear that we are unwelcome if we dont comply, so we wont be in attendance. Ill get the outfits back to you, so you can fill them with the straight haired kids of your dreams"

Id be burning all bridges over this. Next ones your mum. How can she not have the kids back in this?