AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

Sorry if I haven't got this right but are they not racist connections to Afro hair being expected to be straightened . Obviously I realise it's a choice nowadays

As an aside I didn't realise there were categories of curl. My son had ringlets so it was interesting to see

A few things:

So if they have straight hair people won't notice the colour of their skin?

If you did straighten 4A and 4B hair with a normal straightener it would look awful, it's not easy to do.

How many guests will be getting GHD curls for the wedding? Will that also not be tolerated?

Tell her you are happy to accessorise DD hair to match the dress but won't be straightening to match her white cousins.

There is no way on earth I would be dictated to by a racist like that.

Perfect 👍

If this is real it's shocking. Does your brother know he is marrying a racist Bridezilla?
Honestly I think I would refuse to go your future sister in law's behaviour is despicable

Plus what hairstyle can’t she have with Afro hair? Age just doesn’t want it to look ‘black’

I absolutely agree
tell her no and explain the damage and say this is not only racist but dangerous especially for a 4 year old to be near straightening irons!!
talk about bridezilla
I think I’d just say I’m not going!!!!

What's she actually going to do when she says she won't tolerate it? Throw you and two kids out of the wedding venue?

I'd speak to your brother.

It's racist AF.

sorry how am I racist?

I wouldn’t be straightening the hair.

I’d hesitate to call racism, so would send the same message to all your family framing it in terms of children’s’ self esteem and confidence rather than anything else. I’d give your brother and sister in law a potential olive branch if possible. But would be making it clear that there will be no straightening. And that if this is a non-negotiable you will regretfully not be able to attend. Downplay it to your kids and book a fun day out instead.

Why oh why do so many people (women) turn into lunatics about weddings? All
this needless tat, aesthetics and theming is such a waste of time and money. Honestly I think society is going backwards at the moment. Plus bet your kids look absolutely gorgeous.

Just say ok then turn up on the day with the children with their natural hair.
Might ruin the brides day a teeny tiny bit but she won't kick off because she knows how she will look.

If it’s ’just hair’ then why does it matter if it’s curly?

SIL's use of "won't tolerate" is interesting. She's basically saying she won't tolerate people with the characteristics of black people, which could hardly be more racist if it tried.

I suppose the most charitable interpretation of her viewpoint is that, in her head, all the attendants will have a similar hairstyle and that won't be possible with very curly hair. However, it doesn't really exonerate her because in deciding on that hairstyle she should have factored in the children actually involved. It's not as if it's that difficult, she could have talked it through with a hairdresser. One of DSis's bridesmaids was black, she simply organised a hairdresser for herself and all the bridesmaids who had experience with working with white and black types of hair and let them sort out the best hairstyle between them. It looked great on the day.

I'm assuming both your DD and DS hair is a reasonable length if she wants it straightened. She's out of order requesting this, especially as you've tried to compromise and have asked for hairstyle suggestions for their curls. I'm wondering what she means by "won't tolerate". Will the kids get sacked off from their duties if they turn up with curly hair? That would (quite rightly) be embarrassing for her if people ask why the children are dressed as attendants and weren't included in the wedding procession.

I'd be asking her why their hair needs to be straight and then enjoy whatever bullshit she comes up with to try not to appear racist.
I'd also be speaking firmly with my Mum to ask her why she is supporting racism at the expense of her grandchildren, fuck keeping the peace.

Curly hair is fabulous, end of.

@OrianaK it's not 'just hair' though, is it? Do you not understand the implications of this request?

She's 8. Do her hair how you normally do it, or ask her if she would prefer a certain style. Go with that.

Why would anyone post a screenshot of a text? Are you a journo needing a photo for your next article?

The irony of you calling the SIL a bit racist in an ignorant way. Point proven that so many racists are quite dim.

Actually forget my suggested response or others, this one is perfect

Would you be okay if the bride asked them to wear make up too to tone down their skin colour

Bloody weddings - they have turned from being a happy celebration to welcome someone new into the family to a performance.

Tell this cow to go forth and multiply ......

You "understand" if the 8 year old daughter "needs" to have her hair straightened if she's a bridesmaid?
Why would you impose these particular beauty standards on a young girl?
Her natural hair is curly. That is how she should wear it.

I'm not certain it's the behaviour of a racist, rather than of a self-centred pig ignorant twerp fixated on her photos and social media rather than on her marriage which is about the joining of two families.

Either way, she's not someone I'd be likely to mix with through choice.