AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

Wow. This is so concerning. Does the bride know she’s racist? I would show her this thread. Your poor children made to feel less than for being themselves. Well done for standing up for them.

I straightened my hair once, and the ends broke . Afro hair can be low in moisture, and can break with heat so yes, one straightening could damage their hair. It is quite hard to get very curly or coiled hair to become straight, it takes a lot of heat, plus products (or a chemical treatment).

Wild that you seem to think "racist but in a slightly ignorant way" is ok and op should suck it up/straighten her dc's hair.

@dramaisalifestyle I'd get a bloody perm before the big day tbh but I'm petty AF!

Or because people still hold racist views and it is easier to go with that than fight it all the time.

But the bride has to take into account her bridesmaids' actual hair first. It's pointless demanding updos for all if their hair is short, for instance. So she can equally take into account any with Afro hair and adapt the look accordingly. No-one is going to be shocked by a flower girl with unstraightened Afro hair.

setting aside the racism, the children are not dress up dollies for the bride to play with.

No, it's not "just hair". If you can't see the cultural significance of someone saying they "won't tolerate" two small black children's curly hair, you need to think a bit harder.

Very true, 'don't make a fuss and be polite', the British way. Sad and maddening.

I'd respond asking if she also wants you to paint their skin white for the day.

My dc are mixed race and that would quite genuinely be a complete bomb right in to the middle of my family because I would never ever let my dc be in her presence again. The risk that my child would encounter racism from a member of my extended family is not one I am willing to take. They have encountered people treating them differently or badly over the years and you have to deal with that, it’s part of their life. But not this. My dc would never see her again. This has taken my breath away.

The stupid cow wants OP's kids to look more white doesn't she? Fuck that racist shit and fuck her and her wedding as well. I wouldn't be having anything to do with someone who wanted me to straighten my kids hair if they had natural afro or curly hair.
I wouldn't be having much to do with her before or after the wedding tbh.

WTF! No way. This is disgusting.

(Mum of mixed ethnicity child)

There is sense and truth in this.

That's why you have to confirm what is actually going on before going in all guns blazing. You presume that's what's happening, so it becomes fact and before you know it you've lost the high ground.

Involve sister, speak to brother. Wait.

She can sod off and your mum is in the wrong for not supporting you and grandchildren.
Mandating hairstyles is crazy behaviour.

Adults choose to straighten, curl, perm, dye, shave, cut or not cut their hair for all sorts of reasons. None of them are relevant to this thread.

How? Anyone can label a paper bag racist doesn't mean it is

I imagine because they fancy a change, or they like themselves with straight hair for a bit. Same reason I might choose a fringe or highlights. But they do not choose to do it at age 4 and 8 because a white lady has told them to do it because their hair will ruin her wedding photos, whereas their (white) cousin’s is fine.

"racists are no longer taking the accusation seriously"

🤔

really cannot fathom out what this is supposed to mean, @OrianaK

When my child was younger I was putting on sunscreen. I got asked by a family member why as child Won’t burn and if anything he will just look a little more mixed. This person also commented on how olive my child’s skin was getting as they were getting older.

do you think this is racist or is this just something we should accept our kids be exposed to.

sorry op for putting this on your thread I just hate when ignorant people don’t understand the hurt that just “some comments” can make.

Are your nieces curls more 'controlled'/smaller hair overall?

This was your question. This is absolutely implying Afro hair is ‘wild’ and unmanageable and a racist supposition.

I'm also always amazed at how some people twist themselves in knots to avoid making a fuss whenever they witness racism (or homophobia, or misogyny). They abandon the principles they profess pretty damn quickly and its this quietly permissive attitude that allows such discrimination to spread.

You're the lazy one if you think someone demanding mixed race children conform to white beauty standards isn't racism.

Do some reading.

Only you know if your SIL is a full blown racist or she has bridzilla goggles on and can’t see how offensive her suggestion is.

What is has asked is unacceptable but why she has asked changes how I would respond.

If I think this is actually her, she has an undercurrent of racism which has just surfaced- that I would be telling her to foxtrot oscar and live with the consequences. You don’t need her any where near your awesome kids.

If she is completely in a bride bubble and has completely lost the plot / not thought about what she is actually saying then getting someone one step removed to gently point out should be enough. Any decent person would be mortified. Your sister might be in the right position to give her the nudge she needs.

Your sister might be a good person if they get on ok. Then you could go by how she responds, though a lot of people respond by lashing out if confronted with their own mistake. But if that happens you have tried the softly softly approach and it is on her.

She may not be being intentionally racist (no doubt she would deny it), but as evidenced by almost all the posts on this thread, that is how it comes across. That's the elephant in the room and I don't think it can be ignored.