AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

Yes apologies - I skimmed the original OP and hadn't realised that the children had afro hair. Definitely inappropriate to request straightening

Why are you presuming her kids hair aren’t neat.

by the sounds of it op is very aware of her kids hair type and knows how to style it.

The one disrupter here is clearly baiting for their own entertainment.

Outrageous - absolutely no way

This is either rage bait or racism.

If it's true I can not fathom why you didn't call out the racist card at the time? I'm raising my daughter to use her voice as a woman to tell men not to touch her. If she was black I'd be telling her to push back on comments on appearance and heritage. I wouldn't be wringing my hands over how to do so..

No man touches my dd without her consent.

No human tells my dd to straighten her afro hair.

This will be on FB soon. If roles was reversed as a black mum and a white dad she would got both barrels as soon as she said it. I hope so anyway.

If you read the OP's posts, she asked the bridge if there was a particular (non straight) style she had in mind. The OP had also already had plans for her children's hair for the day, as mums tend to!

I too didn't realise there were different grades of Afro hair. I've just been down a rabbit hole of watching videos of children with 4a and 4b having their hair styled. So many beautiful styles they could have, no need to have it straight.

My niece had a thing about wanting straight hair, also mixed race. It definitely didn't come from home, so a request like this would be hammering home she is less than. What a stupid woman, even if It wasn't meant in a racist way, she did not put any thought into it. Curly hair is beautiful , my niece would tell you that now.

Have I got this right, because I feel like I’m in some parallel universe called cheeky fucker land. She’s telling you that rude for trying to dictate your wedding while also trying to dictate to you to straighten your children hair which is part of who they are. I’m not a medium but I’m getting the word racist.

Thank you @RoseField1

I am glad you had the energy to explain this to @bellventrico because I didn't.

🙄

yup, many times. At no time has a bride said they "won't tolerate" children if they don't comply with her wishes.

You're getting very desperate here! Lol. Quit while you're behind.

As a mixed race woman this really upsets me, it's like natural afro hair is never bloody good enough. I wore my natural afro hair out for my wedding, it looked great, and after showing some photos to a woman I was working with she said "You didn't do much with your hair did you?" Who slags off someones wedding photo?! It's racism and you SIL needs to get a grip. I don't think I would take my kids to this wedding.

You'd be a very generous parent if you accepted a bride telling you to alter your children's hair because it's too ugly for her photos!

If they were white she would be rude and demanding, but to demand mixed race children change their natural hair is racist.

Your children are beautiful just as they are. Unfortunately, they will have people suggesting that their natural hair is undesirable all their lives. Things might be changing, but (sadly) people are still told that their natural texture is unprofessional, untidy, or somehow less beautiful than white peoples hair.

Your job as their mum is to show them unapologetically that this kind of attitude is unacceptable. It doesn't matter whether you like conflict, you need to call out her behaviour and make it very clear that none of you will attend the wedding if she mentions it again.

Has your sister message future Sil?

I just don’t know how you’d ever come back from this? I mean even if she sends a message saying ‘Of course, you’re right, moment of bridal madness - please ignore’ you’re still going to know what she was thinking. And she’s going to know you know, I’m just not sure it’s something I could let go, even if the other person backed down.

@dramaisalifestyle I definitely would not straighten my kids hair at that age, and please don't take this the wrong way, but is your children's hair neat? I ask because a family member of mine has 2 mixed race kids and in my opinion their hair is a mess. Never styled mostly looks like it's not been combed, it is frequently commented on in our family (which is the black side) I know the other side of the family think their hair is amazing. I'm wondering if the request might be more about it looking neat on the day, but that said, you have asked for specific hairstyles and she is insisting on straightening which frankly is madness.

The first response nails it really.

You’re handling it very sensibly and I’m sure your kids will look beautiful without straight hair!

You’re going to see the bride after the wedding presumably, now she’s becoming part of your family through marriage, so it’s good to gently get other family members on board. Good that your sister is supportive. Racism is never ok, even if the bride may not see she’s being racist right now.

I feel as though the longer term priority is communication with your brother who is marrying this woman. He is in love with her but he still needs to have your back.

I agree there is sometimes cases like that
but this isn’t one of them
it’s normal for the bride to request hairstyles like all brides maids have there hair up
kids have hair in ponytails

but 2 kids with curly hair ( curly hair is part of one of theres heritage) what possible explanation other than racism could there be when you ask one and not the other
also her son is the only boy so his hair wouldn’t have to match anyone’s anyway there no possible justification at all

I'm not sure what answer you are looking for here. The obvious and only answer is because they choose to do so, as most of us do when we try out different styles to see what suits us or just for a change. Not because their natural hair is unattractive or unacceptable.