AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

https://antiracistcumbria.org/black-hair-pride-and-prejudice/

Let us know how your sister tackles it and maybe ask her to send the racist this link. If your sil to be is like this now, what will she be like when she's fully ensconced in your family? I suspect there will be more instances of sidelining your kids especially if she has children. You need to nip this one in the bud now before she escalates her behaviour.

@OrianaK , you are making yourself look very silly.

You have to report one of their posts to get the attention of mnhq

I've read some crazy things on here but this takes the biscuit! I'd tell SIL to stick her wedding where the sun don't shine!

She is the rude one and low key racist imo

I'm caucasian and my kids are caucasian.
There is no way i would heat straighteners my children's hair.

I'd be low drama but I'd explain their hair wont be straightened (send a few links about how it damages their hair) and if my kids physical appearance is problematic to their wedding aesthetic it's no problem they can stay at home.

Def find out if niece is being given the same mandate.

If she is
Get your DSis to decline - There is power in numbers in saying no.

If not,
Say what you see and tell SIL this is racism and its not okay. Your children dont need straight hair to look "acceptable"

Excellent

It looks neat in it's natural state. It's just not like white people's hair.

So I hear you're a racist now, SIL?

If your sister's kids are white, you know all you need to know.

MNHQ can you trace @OrianaK and block them?
They are obviously not aware racism is a criminal offence in the UK

Are the children excited to go to the wedding, OP? (I'm guessing they might be, as they both have a role in the ceremony.)

It's easy to say just don't go, and that might end up being the best option if bride continues being so flat out unreasonable, but it's harder if kids are looking forward to it. And it's never going to be easy to miss your brother's wedding.

I would message back saying that your final comment on this is that they will not be attending with straightened hair.

Put the ball in her court, but for me that would have soured the relationship now anyway, you do not speak to anybody like that, who does she think she is?

Amongst other things I’d be taking a huge step back op. You can’t have this around your darling children. They deserve better, than listening to this low level racism.

Which isn't my opinion. Once again I'm trying to understand the motivations of the SIL.

We don't know anything about the situation other than what the OP has shared.

If you can't even ask a basic question without being called a racist then there really is no having a conversation with some people. I'm not responding any more because you just want an argument.

It’s not the hair damage that’s the problem. It’s the straightening of hair to meet white beauty standards. It’s racist.

I’d be very worried about the message it sends to your kids OP. I’d also be absolutely furious.

Plaiting their hair would look neat at the same time still true to Afro heritage?

You are going to have to speak to your brother on this and ask him if he understands her request. That the mixed race niblings are being told (not asked) to straighten their hair but not the white one.

From his answer you will find out if it’s all her or not. How you go from there though I do not know.

Personally I would not entertain this blatant racism. Those of you saying it’s bridal stress have not understood the history of black hair and I recommend Good Hair by Chris Rock to give you a basic understand of what black women have to deal with.

Your children and they way the view themselves and how other people view them stem from you and your husband. If you let your soon to be SIL have her way, what does that tell your children? However I appreciate, this will start a family war.

Talk with your sister as well. If she gets the all clear on her daughter’s curls, will she ask outright why the same doesn’t apply for your children. Can she discuss with your brother?

Or can you discuss calmly and rationally with SIL what she is asking for? Children’s hair and black hair in particular are quite soft and fragile so any kind of heat will cause damage.

Your mother needs a good talking to though.
Fight for your children to be who they are.

Apologises for the wall of text, I am outraged on your behalf

Being forced to assimilate to European centric ideas of beauty to ‘acceptable’ is racist af. I am fuming for you. I genuinely hope you send your kids with their hair out and curly. And perhaps as a wedding present give your SIL this collection of books https://amzn.eu/d/03d3LelH
maybe she can educate herself into 2026.

Stop being racist.

I wouldn't even do this to he honest. On the wedding day, I would book my kids onto a day out they would love and forget the wedding ever existed.

CFery of the first sort.

No way would I be straightening their hair. And I hope your husband goes to the wedding with a full on Afro

You are being ridiculous now! And racist.

So what precisely are you implying about black people? Let's have it loud and clear.

Well, that is an utterly mad response but, in answer to your question:

I'd be telling your brother that you and your family will have to bow out, as you are uncomfortable with your children being treated as props and it seems as though their hair is going to be an issue for his future racist cunt of a bride. They are too young to understand the ramifications of what's being asked, and trying to silk press a child's hair for the first time is going to be time-consuming and likely physically uncomfortable for them.

Your peace keeping cowardly mother can deal with other guests asking where you are.

WTF? The OP maybe adds some hair oil or similar to define her dc's curls. That still wouldn't be acceptable to the racist SIL though. The OP now knows exactly what SIL thinks about her children, and presumably their father too. Racist cunt (sil, not you)