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AIBU?

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AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

787 replies

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:34

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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7
lookatmylife · 26/07/2026 11:11

@dramaisalifestyle I know you don’t want to cause all out war just before the wedding but I’d be absolutely fucking raging about this.

Unless your SIL can come up with a very convincing argument for this, it’s openly and blatantly racist.

Speak to your brother and if he sides with his fiancée I’d be at least refusing for them to be in the wedding but not sure I’d go at all.

PensionPTake · 26/07/2026 11:10

I'd just say ok and turn up with their hair au natural on the day. If she kicks off she'll just look like the unhinged racist she is.

Happyjoe · 26/07/2026 11:10

Whoevenknows79 · 26/07/2026 11:08

If it is looked after, but that is not always the case.

Say what?

BlackRowan · 26/07/2026 11:10

That’s racist AF.

OnYerselfHen · 26/07/2026 11:09

WarmHam · 26/07/2026 11:06

As your son is carrying a sign I suggest you edit it to read: Black lives and hairstyles matter.

In all seriousness the bride to be takes the Bridezilla crown.

Fucking fuming on your behalf OP

i absolutely love this!! 👏 👏 👏

OP, I hope this shit is shut down quickly and your brother deals with your SIL. What a cow!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/07/2026 11:09

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/07/2026 11:03

She is the rude one and low key racist imo

I'm caucasian and my kids are caucasian.
There is no way i would heat straighteners my children's hair.

I'd be low drama but I'd explain their hair wont be straightened (send a few links about how it damages their hair) and if my kids physical appearance is problematic to their wedding aesthetic it's no problem they can stay at home.

Def find out if niece is being given the same mandate.

If she is
Get your DSis to decline - There is power in numbers in saying no.

If not,
Say what you see and tell SIL this is racism and its not okay. Your children dont need straight hair to look "acceptable"

Edited

By they can stay home... I mean your family its its entirety can not attend.
Id do something fun on the day itself

Shes an absolute dickhead

Happyjoe · 26/07/2026 11:08

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 26/07/2026 11:07

Wow! 😲 You can’t see the blatant racism here? Or…you can, but you’d comply anyway? Fuck me! 😖🤯

Sadly she is showing racist beliefs herself, she's had comments removed already for the racism.

ThatNeatHam · 26/07/2026 11:08

No that’s unreasonable for her to ask. But are you willing to not go

Whoevenknows79 · 26/07/2026 11:08

Mamalasira · 26/07/2026 11:02

It looks neat in it's natural state. It's just not like white people's hair.

If it is looked after, but that is not always the case.

CatLandOffTheA3 · 26/07/2026 11:08

I would be making their hair as big as possible that day.

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 26/07/2026 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow! 😲 You can’t see the blatant racism here? Or…you can, but you’d comply anyway? Fuck me! 😖🤯

Happyjoe · 26/07/2026 11:07

Lins77 · 26/07/2026 11:01

Are the children excited to go to the wedding, OP? (I'm guessing they might be, as they both have a role in the ceremony.)

It's easy to say just don't go, and that might end up being the best option if bride continues being so flat out unreasonable, but it's harder if kids are looking forward to it. And it's never going to be easy to miss your brother's wedding.

I think she should go in a lot of ways, as planned for her children who as you say are probably looking forward to it. They hold their (curly) head's held up high as a middle finger salute to the racist bride.

I would probably cool contact afterwards though, nobody needs a racist in the family.

Dorothyperky · 26/07/2026 11:07

MrSchubertWhiskers · 26/07/2026 11:03

You have to report one of their posts to get the attention of mnhq

I think MN have removed the posts.

I've been truly heartned by how supportive people have been.

WarmHam · 26/07/2026 11:06

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 10:02

My brother wants all his nieces and nephews to be included. So my daughter is one of the flower girls and my son is carrying a sign down the aisle.

As your son is carrying a sign I suggest you edit it to read: Black lives and hairstyles matter.

In all seriousness the bride to be takes the Bridezilla crown.

Fucking fuming on your behalf OP

SanFairyAnnie · 26/07/2026 11:06

x2boys · 26/07/2026 11:04

Why should the Op have to
What exactky is wrong in the ops children having natural hair?

nothing wrong at all but plaits are Afro too

GrumpyPanda · 26/07/2026 11:06

overthinker83 · 26/07/2026 09:49

Who are the 2% saying this is reasonable?? Maybe she’s having a terrible brideziller personality disorder period. Or maybe she’s awful.

Usually it's people who hit the other button by mistake and don't realise they can change their vote.

bluebeck · 26/07/2026 11:05

I would ask her if she also wants me to bleach their skin a bit?

godmum56 · 26/07/2026 11:05

Flamingojune · 26/07/2026 10:52

Just say 'i'll see how it goes' and then on the day don't do it. Say they had a melt down.

why lie?

Germanyhols · 26/07/2026 11:05

I wouldn’t even straighten my white daughter’s curly hair if someone requested it. And she doesn’t have to deal with the racism around black and mixed race hair. I think this is such a racist request, even if your SIL isn’t aware she is being racist.

Please stick to your guns and don’t let your children grow up thinking there is something wrong with their natural appearance that needs to be changed.

Sereine · 26/07/2026 11:05

Happily @OrianaK's racist posts are being deleted.

violetcuriosity · 26/07/2026 11:04

As a white mother to mixed heritage children there is no way I would do this. Definitely something underlying here- can you message and ask her to explain why? I think I would want to see it in black and white.

x2boys · 26/07/2026 11:04

SanFairyAnnie · 26/07/2026 11:00

Plaiting their hair would look neat at the same time still true to Afro heritage?

Why should the Op have to
What exactky is wrong in the ops children having natural hair?

Bristolandlazy · 26/07/2026 11:04

This post can't be real, if it tell them to fuck off. I don't believe this happened

AvoidingSelfieSticks · 26/07/2026 11:04

Ask if she wants them to lighten their skin too. Ugh, she is appalling. How dare she do this and make out you are dictating things 🤯

Topkatpinkpanther · 26/07/2026 11:04

Your SIL to be sounds like an effing nightmare. It’s not down to her to dictate how your children style their hair. She is clearly racist and I would end up falling out with her big time over this. It’s not ok for anyone to control anyone, let alone someone else’s children. I’m sorry you and your children have been subjected to this kind of nonsense from the newbie joining the family. Your brother needs to open his eyes to what he is marrying. You are perfectly reasonable to stand your ground. Absolutely horrendous situation. I hope she wakes up to how ridiculous she is being and apologises to you soon.