AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

YANBU obviously. I am sorry your brother is marrying a racist.

This is an interesting series about black hair and cultural significance on Netflix

Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madam C.J. Walker

I actually genuinely don't get it. With complete earnest I absolutely love any curly hair and also red hair. I wholeheartedly do not see it as less beautiful, quite the opposite

I’m sorry you sister in law is such a cow. she must be pulled up on her racist behaviour. I think by the sounds of it your brother may be unaware of what she is saying and doing so in your shoes I would definitely speak to him and tell him how you feel. If he agrees with her then I would torch their wedding plan and line of us would go. Sod keeping the peace. These are your children and nobody gets to imply that their natural appearance is not acceptable to them. She can go to hell.

I have ‘good hair’ (the black people on this thread will know what I mean) and I remember my best friend as a child had Afro hair. She came to my party with a hairstyle that looked like a star and I loved it and told her and she thought I was taking the piss. I absolutely wasn’t - I thought it was lovely but even from that age (8 or 9 in the mid 80s) she knew her hair wasn’t looked on as pretty or desirable.

I should be surprised these attitudes still exist but I’m not.

Still shocking to read some of the ignorant "just do it to keep the peace" and "some hair can be wild" comments and there are more than there should be.

There should be none.

It doesn’t matter if your niece has been asked to straighten her hair—your children’s hair is different to hers and she’s not your child.

You have expressed that you are not happy with straightening your very young children’s hair—that is completely sensible and reasonable. Everything else is noise.

TELL her you’re not straightening their hair as it’s unhealthy and unsafe to do so. The ball is in her court—you would need to be strong enough to accept her response. Does it mean your children are excluded from their role and become guests? Presumably your brother is not going to uninvite you from his wedding?

She sounds like a Bridezilla—it’s a wedding, that should be a joyous occasion to celebrate your love with those you love and who love you.

It is incredibly racially insensitive of her, as a white person, to ask that your nonwhite children straighten their hair. You don’t need proof of that. Insensitivity can be conscious or unconscious but ultimately your care and sensitivity to your children is what matters most—to not have them change themselves to fit someone else’s fantasy of what they think is beautiful or acceptable.

OP, what are you going to do?

How on earth does your children’s hairstyle impact her wedding? This is beyond bonkers - or is it racist? How horrible. Stick to your guns!!

Crikey I"ve just seen a pp has actually admitted they'd want it "toned down"

Wow. Do people actually think like this let alone put it in writing?

I have a picture in my head of a beautiful little flower girl and the cutest little boy, both with glorious bouncy curls and beaming smiles as they enjoy the day. I don't understand how that can not suit anyone's aesthetic?
That's such a pretty picture I'm actually wondering now if she's worried they're going to steal her thunder 🤔.......

With reference to your specific issue, I would wait until you get an answer about whether your nieces hair is also required to be straightened, and make your decision from there.

I’ve never heard anything like it! Why on earth would a bride be concerned about the hair of the children at her wedding???? If they were being bridesmaids and page boys and had to have everything done a certain way then she should have told you this from the get go. But it sounds like they’re not and are just going with you so I don’t see why she would care about the hair at all. I think the woman’s clearly gone mad. However you and your children are already part of the family that she is about to join so I think the family as a collective need to inform her how rude she is being and that she cannot tell other people how to style their children’s hair.

I think she would either have to be mentally challenged/living on Mars or both the above to be allowed to claim that she 'doesn't realise that this is racist' tbh

Why does straightening = tidy? So curly or afro hair doesn't look tidy?

When someone shows you who they are ….

take note op I’m glad you are not even considering entertaining her awful demands

That's disgusting. She may not be aware that her request is racist but it is, and you should tell her how inappropriate that is.

Yes what if someone with naturally straight hair styles their hair curly for the wedding? Will that also not be tolerated or is it just mixed race people with naturally curly hair she objects to?!

On the off chance that this isn't fake please don't do this for so many reasons. I have an 8YO caucasian daughter with very curly hair so I fully understand your predicament. I exhaust myself teaching her to love her curls and teaching her to take care of her curls and letting her know that I think they're genuinely stunning. I would not be letting some bridezilla shit all over that. It's sending a not even subtle message to these kids that straight hair is preferable. I would have thought for your kids it has strong cultural implications too so even more important. If my dd asks me to straighten her hair then sure I'll help her do it. She's bound to be curious and want to experiment as she gets older. However no way would be allowing such young kids to be told that their natural hair isn't beautiful enough. Fuck right off with that idea

"Ok no worries"

Would be my reply.

Then obviously ignore the crazy and see if she makes a twat of herself on the day.

This is plain and simple racism. I would say ‘i wouldn’t straighten my child’s Afro hair anymore than I would try to lighten their skin tone for a wedding.’

I actually think the majority here understand the issue, and racists thankfully are the minority for once.

OMG, what a vile person she is🤬
I think I would stop replying to her I would also not go to the wedding. If I ever had the misfortune to see her again I would tell her I can't tolerate her hair and that she should shave it off immediately.

Well, to quote from Meghan Markle’s Oprah interview, “there’s ‘rude’ and there’s ‘racist.’”

The casual racism on this thread and clear lack of understanding of the issue is shocking, it really is!

Wtf! Tell her its rude for her to try to dictate how you do your childrens hair! I also have mixed race children and I would never straighten their hair especially not to please someone else! Their hsir is beautiful and I think she is actually being racist and I wouldn't attend her wedding.