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AIBU?

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AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

787 replies

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 09:34

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

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7
Londonrach1 · 02/08/2026 21:37

Sadly I don't think there be an update. Hope op children worn their hair as they wanted if they attended the wedding

Londonrach1 · 02/08/2026 07:10

Did you go?

AgnesMcDoo · 01/08/2026 17:34

How did the wedding go? @dramaisalifestyle

eish · 01/08/2026 08:34

Have you called out the racism @dramaisalifestyle ? I hope so and that it has not caused more drama.

CatVester · 30/07/2026 20:19

I imagine @dramaisalifestyle probably decided to stop reading, given the masses of comments explaining how it isn't racism from people who clearly hadn't even read all of her posts. Can't say I blame her.

Either that or it's not true.

Either way I think we can all imagine how it would go if anyone told the racist sister in law that she was being racist, and it wouldn't be great.

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 20:08

Worldcuproadshow · 30/07/2026 20:04

It's not odd that the op has abandoned the thread early, I think she's been outed in real life. It's very identifying so maybe she's dealing with the fall out in the background & has decided not to engage further. She did engage a lot to start with so I don't think this is a fake thread.

Point taken, yes that might also be true. We’ll never know either way.

Worldcuproadshow · 30/07/2026 20:04

It's not odd that the op has abandoned the thread early, I think she's been outed in real life. It's very identifying so maybe she's dealing with the fall out in the background & has decided not to engage further. She did engage a lot to start with so I don't think this is a fake thread.

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 19:33

MrSchubertWhiskers · 30/07/2026 19:27

Unless its fake, there have been a few fake threads lately and they've all been one's that are less run-of-the-mill for this forum

That too is possible, this thread certainly got posters frothing at the mouth.

It is quite odd that the OP seemingly abandoned the thread so early.

MrSchubertWhiskers · 30/07/2026 19:27

Unless its fake, there have been a few fake threads lately and they've all been one's that are less run-of-the-mill for this forum

Brackenandbrave · 30/07/2026 19:12

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 19:05

It was just a suggestion. There were some very robust suggestions about racism, which she might have found very hard to face. (Absolutely true obviously, but it would be very hard to confront her family with, in the context of a family wedding.)

Either way, she appears to have abandoned the thread.

Hopefully the press haven’t picked up on it

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 19:05

Brackenandbrave · 30/07/2026 18:44

Why would she have hidden the thread?

It was just a suggestion. There were some very robust suggestions about racism, which she might have found very hard to face. (Absolutely true obviously, but it would be very hard to confront her family with, in the context of a family wedding.)

Either way, she appears to have abandoned the thread.

Brackenandbrave · 30/07/2026 18:44

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 09:37

Seeing as the OP hasn’t been on here since Sunday at midday, it’s highly unlikely we’ll ever know what happened. She’s probably hidden the thread.

Why would she have hidden the thread?

LizzieW1969 · 30/07/2026 09:37

Seeing as the OP hasn’t been on here since Sunday at midday, it’s highly unlikely we’ll ever know what happened. She’s probably hidden the thread.

Databreach · 30/07/2026 09:26

Hope all ok

thestudio · 29/07/2026 22:13

Saw this op and thought of you

  • Over 20% of Black women 25-34 have been sent home from work because of their hair.
it’s US data but bloody hell, no one can say this is not still a very live issue 😭

from the Dove CROWN study

ilovesushi · 29/07/2026 12:30

pinkstripeycat · 27/07/2026 22:50

Racist? Calm down. It’s hair! My son has really curly hair and someone asked me to straighten it I’d just say no. It’s got nothing to do with race.

I think you need to take some time to read the full thread and educate yourself on racism. It is 100% racist.

TamarindCottage · 29/07/2026 11:43

@dramaisalifestyle have you spoken to your brother?

maxslice · 29/07/2026 04:08

CatLandOffTheA3 · 27/07/2026 19:02

This 100% I'm so white I'm blue (think Haaland) but this thread makes my blood boil.

Upthread, I said avoid the whole day but I think I would turn up with the kiddos with the biggest possible hair and stand back. That way, the DC get their day and if the ghastly woman kicks off, it's evident this is racist af and she will be exposed. Hopefully she won't, the wedding will be lovely and all will be well.

At least you know where you stand with this fruit loop OP.

Maybe your brother can show up having gotten a perm,

maxslice · 29/07/2026 04:05

AwayWiththeGoblins · 27/07/2026 15:54

What a bizarre post. I mean, are you planning to paint the wedding party's skin tones so they achieve the requisite 'uniform' look?

I would want the people at my wedding to look like themselves. I would no more ask someone to straighten (or curl) their children’s hair than I would ask them to get a nose job or have liposuction. SIL is being a racist, insensitive, entitled bridezilla,

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 29/07/2026 01:49

dramaisalifestyle · 26/07/2026 12:50

Okay! Slight update: I asked my sister to text our SIL. My sister said "Hey SIL, I'm just sorting out last minutes things for the wedding next week. The boys are getting a haircut soon, (nephews name) wanted a buzz cut but we said no 😂. For (nieces name), we are thinking about a half up half down hairstyle, to make sure everybody can see her lovely curls. Let me know what you think!"

SIL replied "That sounds great! I have a hair clip (Nieces name) can put in her hair to match the dress. Your mum has the hair clips at her house. See you soon"

So yeah. That was the conversation. My niece has blonde curly hair. 2C hair I think. Maybe 2B.

Did the wedding happen yet OP?

Oxo01 · 28/07/2026 23:05

Oxo01 · 28/07/2026 20:44

Oh dear
My minds on my garden too much lately 😂😂

I just noticed your user name and im talking about my garden woes 😂

Oxo01 · 28/07/2026 20:44

grasslooksdead · 28/07/2026 18:55

Although the kids hair might be a bit big and curly like an afro, I don't think it is so out of control that it will need weeding. I can't imagine they're cultivating dandelions in it!😂

Oh dear
My minds on my garden too much lately 😂😂

grasslooksdead · 28/07/2026 18:55

Oxo01 · 28/07/2026 18:44

The weeding is due this week sometime i believe.
Maybe she will update outcome after.

Although the kids hair might be a bit big and curly like an afro, I don't think it is so out of control that it will need weeding. I can't imagine they're cultivating dandelions in it!😂

Oxo01 · 28/07/2026 18:44

The weeding is due this week sometime i believe.
Maybe she will update outcome after.

Namechange789067f · 28/07/2026 18:28

My daughter has curly hair she is white, there is not a chance in hell I would allow someone to straighten her hair.

My stepdaughter has curly hair and her mum was always making horrible comments about it and a result I have never seen it curly it’s always straightened. I make a purpose of telling my daughter how amazing her hair is, as I don’t want her to feel she is different at all.

I think straightening it sends the message that their hair is “noy good enough” even more so in this case as they are half black