I don’t know if I’m being really selfish or unreasonable but I’m really exhausted by the expectations placed on me by everyone.
I work in a really busy and stressful job, 40 hours a week.
I live with my partner who has half custody of his children (both under the age of 6).
My mum and dad live two hours away.
I have 2 friends. One lives an hour away, the other 4 hours away.
I find my life extremely suffocating. Don’t get me wrong, I know I chose this life and I have only just started feeling like this recently.
There’s an expectation from my parents that I will see them weekly. And I WANT to see them. The journey there and back kills me, I’m exhausted. Yesterday I had to travel there as it was my brothers birthday and there was the expectation I’d stay late into the evening to celebrate. Didn’t get home until 10:30pm. Today, I have to do work this morning and then my friend is wanting to see me. Partner has a football match 2 hours away and will probably want me to go and watch him.
Parents were upset that I didn’t stay later last night and sent me messages saying they were worried about my wellbeing and I didn’t look well, encouraging me to speak to them.
Partner will get upset that I’ve spent yesterday with my parents and today with my friend (if I do go). He’ll say he’s exhausted and needs a break. He’s now in between jobs and so he’s been off for 2 weeks and doesn’t start his new (part time) job until September.
I get told that everything I’m doing is not done “right” - brother puts pressure on me to see him and my parents very regularly, if I don’t, I’m not prioritising them. Partner puts pressure on me to be at home with him a lot, and if I don’t I get told I’m “tapping out of family life”
Partner can make plans to do what he wants but I’m expected to tag along or support him, ie the football matches.
I just feel like I’m drowning, I never get even half a day to do what I want to do. I’ve taken to saying I’m working late and just spend the time walking around the city centre, maybe getting a coffee and just building myself up to go home.
The house is constantly a mess. There’s no effort of making the house nice for me when I get home, can’t remember the last time someone made me a meal.
I feel guilty that at the weekends I want out the house, but then when I’m out I feel overwhelmed with guilt and feel I need to get home. Last night I thought partner would want me home but when I got in he was just playing video games and we sat with him doing that til we fell asleep.
I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel anything. We had an argument two weeks ago about something he did and I was too exhausted to even sort it out properly just snapped back to him talking to me normally.
I’m back at work tomorrow. And the whole week starts again. I’m so exhausted. If I sleep too much I get told I’m wasting the day, if I’m not full on chatty I get told I’m moody, if I go out I get told I’m selfish.
Anyone else feel like this