Aibu to think that life is just you doing what every else wants and never being happy?

Yes. Your update clarifies that you are just an unpaid, mistreated nanny with a fanny. Why are you doing this?

Honestly OP I don’t know how your partner has manipulated you into being so passive and accepting of intolerable treatment by him. You are not a mum, yet he expects you to look after his kids but you’re not allowed to criticise their behaviour. Get out now OP! There is no happiness in this relationship! Your partner and his kids treat you like crap! Get out, be on your own, you’ll be much happier. Then sort out some boundaries with your family.

You don't have to keep living like this. You can choose a life of happiness and peace if you want it.
No kid, no marriage, you are free to go wherever you want and do anything, you get one life.

I feel sorry for you, that must be hard, but the solution is within your power, which is simply to stand up for yourself and your legitimate need for time and space for yourself. Watching someone from the sidelines while they are playing football could be reasonable when the person is a child; a man who needs you to do this is either controlling or deluded. Parents who can see you are unwell but don’t recognise that they are part of the problem have to be told what you need. No one will do this for you, how could they?

You say your parents are "nearing elderly." They live two hours away. My parents live five hours away and drove down every few months until 2020, when my father was 86. They stayed three or four nights then drove back. Occasionally they stayed in a bed and breakfast locally.

You have a family problem and a partner problem.

the good news is you don’t have kids of your own because then there really is a level of responsibility.

push back on your parents and your partner. It’s your life. If you aren’t enjoying it then change it.
Start by being not available for your parents - sorry I’m busy that weekend.

I've learnt the past two years is that you've got to guard your time like the precious resource it is. Others do!

I'm sick of people volunteering my time to plug gaps, fit in with a rota and do stuff they don't want to do. Then they go off and have a wonderful time whilst I'm on the brink of collapse and they never help in return. It's horrible. I refuse to be useful anymore.

You need to get rid of the partner and you need to hold firm with your parents.

YANBU
That's me!
Spent my entire life doing what's expected of me for other people
This month I've been working full time for 43 years since the day after I left school - DH is exactly the same - mostly working for small businesses where the owner thinks he's doing you a favour by giving you a job - basic wage, no perks, no benefits, no bonuses/extras for working hard - all expect, expect, expect!
I'm exhausted and have had enough.

Definitely planning "early" retirement.
Sadly, parents and In-laws have all passed away, but their expectations of what they expected DH and I to do for them were far beyond what was reasonable including helping them run their respective businesses alongside our own lives and work when we were in our prime in our 20's!
I've sat back and realised DH and I have done next to nothing for ourselves - it's all been for others whether friends, relatives, voluntary work, employers.
Sad that it's probably too late for us now as DH has had cancer for 8 years and on a slow downward trajectory.
We've definitely hammered it into our DS to put himself first, yes, be selfish to an extent, as no one else will look out for you if you don't look out for yourself - thankfully he's taken that on board and is "out there" doing his own thing, living his good life, moved away to a big city with a good job with a good employer. At least we can help ensure DS doesn't end up with the daily grind we suffered.

It isn't at all relaxing watching kids make a noise and a mess! Your partner needs to parent his kids without you there as a comfort blanket. They are not your kids so why do you have to sit there? Does he ever take them out?

You sound completely burnt out. You find the expectations of family, friends and partner overwhelming and whilst some or all of them may be being unreasonable you are the common denominator. You seem to be working hard to please people who are never satisfied so maybe you should stop.

A four hour round trip to visit your parents every week is unreasonable. Tell them you are exhausted and will visit them once a month going forward. Tell your brother you are not prepared to make everyone and everything top priority all the time at your own expense.

I would get rid of your partner, he sounds like a complete drain on your time and energy but if you can't or don't want to I would simply start refusing to provide free childcare and accompanying him everywhere.

Stop waiting to do things in time other people are taking from you. Make your own plans and then tell them you're not free to do whatever they are demanding of you.

Do not explain, apologise or negotiate. Neither resort or respond to emotional manipulation. In short stop being an angry doormat. If you lay on the floor people will wipe their feet on you so get up and take charge of your own life.

Being assertive and putting yourself first sometimes takes practice so don't expect an overnight change. Try to pause every time you feel resentful when you are asked to put someone else's wants before your own needs and make a decision about what you want rather than reflexively telling them what they want to hear. The people around you will have to adjust too but don't give up.

Hmmm. A lot to unpack here.

Your partner doesn't sound like he wants to make you happy, for starters. Also your parents - why don't they ever come to you? 2 hours every weekend is a lot to travel, when do you do your own things? For example, what do you do for your health, hobbies and self-development, and when?

When I was young I saw some people living like this, pandering to the will of others.

I was determined not to do this, as I saw how unhappy and desperate and borderline breaking down these people were.

Maybe I am the opposite but I don't think about what others might want or expect much at all, unless they specifically ask me. I don't exist to be other people's companion and lady in waiting. In fact, I do what makes me happy.

It feels like you have been programmed and raised to think this is your role, the way you describe your feelings around guilt when you don't stay with someone long enough, or aren't at home.

Even thoughts like 'I thought my partner wanted me at home but I found him there just playing video games'.

It would require a whole reset and probably a lot of work on yourself. But unless they are going through a tough time or physically ill, an adult will be able to entertain themselves when you are not available. Clearly in this situation, they were perfectly fine and did not want you or need you.

So thought process in this situation could be:

• It is irrelevant what they want, one doesn't get everything they want every minute of the day
• Even if they want me there, unfortunately I have my own plans tonight and am unavailable until later

Unfortunately what I see is that people that martyr themselves like that are not respected and values by the people in their lives. If you are always available and always come running, people come to expect it. You need to have more respect for yourself and your wants and needs, in terms of mental and physical health.

The alternative is that you break down and become bitter.

If you have more respect for yourself and your own identity, not just being defined as a runner and helper for others, they will respect and admire you more, and not work you to the ground.

And if not... As far as my eye can see, living alone and not in constant contact ith everyone is a better quality of life, than being stuck in a dynamic that upsets you and allows people to take advantage of your accommodating nature.

You’ll be happy if you allow yourself to be. That means getting some help to establish boundaries with others.

Early this week I was so furious with my husband and kids over a shithole kitchen, with nobody else doing anything for 24 hours that I went on strike. They needed a boot up their arses. It worked. If people treat you like shit call them out on it.

Tell your parents that yes, they’re correct, you don’t feel well and you can’t visit them weekly. Go every other week or once a month.
You do not need to watch your partner play football. In fact, your relationship with your partner doesn’t sound good at all.
He doesn’t do any chores even though he appears to have more time available, isn’t supportive and puts more demands on you.

Reduce the visits and football from now, give yourself space to think about your relationship.

Op your whole post sounds sad.
Ditch the partner, he’s making your life harder not easier and seems to be bringing absolutely nothing to the table.
Explain to your parents that they are right to be worried, you are exhausted and need to scale back the visits. You can catch up with them on FaceTime or the phone or whatever. Spend a whole weekend just doing what you want, you sound like you are totally spent from servicing everyone’s needs bar your own and unless you take active steps to change it, it won’t change by itself.
It’s not selfish to prioritise your own needs.

You have recognised that there is a huge problem in how you live your life; it’s not working for you. Trust how you feel about that.

All these people are making demands on you and you’re submitting to them to the point of utter exhaustion.

Have you wondered about why you’re unable to say ‘no’ to the demands? It’s not just your partner—it’s your job and your parents—perhaps others too.

Understanding yourself better would help you to know how you contribute to these relationship dynamics and strengthen you. Good therapy might help.

If what others have suggested feels urgent and right, eg ditch your partner, trust your gut. Certainly you should tell your parents that it is too exhausting for you to drive 4 hours round trip every week! Not sure what has prevented you from saying and doing that.

I'm married with kids but do what I want alot of the time. Gym, walks, solo cinema trips, meeting friends - we have a balance between time as a family, time as a couple, and time alone to do what we want to do. My work is longer / more intense than my DH so he takes on more of the household stuff. It might be selfish but I don't really worry about what others are expecting me to do - i prioritise my needs most of the time e.g. yesterday we had a big day out for my FIL then my DH wanted to go back and stay at his with the kids and come home late Sunday. I am knackered after a mad week at work and alot of work travel so I chose to come home alone. I had a lie in and am currently enjoying my empty house and about to go to gym. DH and kids having a great time with his dad and they will be home later. We are all happy.

I honestly think you would be better off single OP and you need to set boundaries with your family. It's ok to prioritise your own needs

Do you say yes a lot?

I’ve always been head strong, even as a kid. If I don’t like something, then I don’t like it and I don’t get involved. I am very helpful, but I also know how to prioritise the stuff on my plate before lending a hand to others - as we all need to have energy for ourselves before giving our energy to others.

I think you are in too deep with your commitments. You almost need a reset.

I would take a week off. I would book myself a holiday, time away at a friends for a whole week or even a month. A week seems more realistic.

Sorry but if your partner can do it, you should be able to do.

And I think one of the hardest things about your situation is the negative self talk you have started giving yourself because if the way the people around you have pulled responsibility on you. Don’t feel bad for putting yourself first. I know it’s hard, I’m a mum, have parents that rely on me for certain things and a partner. However at the beginning of our relationship, I have always explained that I have things I have embedded in my routine and we both respect each others “me time”.

definitely take a break from your life, and think about what you want and what you need to do to give yourself a break and the life you want.

Its not just your partner. Its your family too that are a problem. YABU to think life is: others say jump and you say how high. You need therapy otherwise you will continue to let family, partners and friends control you. Maybe your family trained you to behave this way, but you need to train yourself out of it.

Yet another vote for the hapless oaf you live with being the issue. Off for the past two weeks and not working again until September and he's "exhausted"? Aw, diddums.

It seems like getting rid of your partner would solve a lot of problems. (Why in the name of God is he not sorting dinners while he’s off, and doing a bit of cleaning). And watching his matches?? WTF?

Tell your parents you are too exhausted to visit them weekly, and phone them instead. And tell your friends that you are on the verge of collapse and need to recharge your batteries by properly resting for the weekend.

You are not thinking clearly because you are so wrecked. The people putting pressure on you should be the first to support you to look after yourself.

If they don’t, look after yourself anyway. You’ll be transformed once you start taking some time for yourself, and much better equipped to deal with any fallout.

Maybe sit down - away from your home on a quiet bench or quiet cafe or even in a Church (as they are often peaceful) and work out what’s reasonable for you.
Eg 1 weekend a month is just for you. You don’t visit anyone unless you really want to and then it’s a maximum of 30 minutes drive.
1 Saturday a month is for your partner - you plan this together on advance.
Write them out. Sit on in and then amend of keep them.
You sound exhausted and I’m not surprised. It really isn’t that reasonable to see your parents every weekend at the distance apart you are from each other.
It’s not necessarily a thing to watch a partners football match - unless they maybe are in the final of something. And then only if you want to. It’s his hobby not yours.
Work our time for yourself first and then fitting in everyone else.
Do your parents ever come to you? A start would be alternating the visit you, you visit them.

You need to start investing in you and putting boundaries in place.
Dont feel the need to do everything everyone else wants. Do what you feel you can manage. If it means less then that’s fine.
Maybe look at what would be manageable.
ie. Visit patents once a month, dont feel obliged to watch partner play football. Explain that you are shattered. Explain you need more help with housework. If DO does not agree then you need to think about your relationship.
We all get overwhelmed at some point. I know I did so I explained to husband and he agreed and helped more. We came up with a plan.
I told DS d only watch him play football at home matches as I felt weekends were lost to his football.
Also book a day off work to do something nice like a Spa day.
You sound burnt out so it’s time you made changes.

As others have said, your partner is the main problem here.

Speak to your parents, they can see that all is not well and will want to support you .

What’s your housing situation? I hope you’re not providing childcare ?
If he’s not working atm he needs to do majority of the housework and definitely his own childcare.
Hopefully he’s got savings and you’re not subsidising his time off snd working PT ?
Honestly I’d dump him.