Aibu to think that life is just you doing what every else wants and never being happy?

The first thing you need to do (and I very rarely say this) is dump your partner, also known on Mumsnet as LTB! He's a waste of space and is dragging you down. Get rid.

This is because you are servicing other people's families - your boyfriend's family with his children, and your parents' family which includes your brother. You should be concentrating on building your own space - your family and for that you need to find a new man. There is only one of you and too many other families. Dump him.

If you got rid of the partner, think how easy your life would be. By all means date, but don’t cohabitate.

shocking and disgusting they are treating you like an outsider! Leave him now while you still have your mind intact. Horrible man and child will get worse.

absolutely this. Don't, for goodness sake, get pregnant. A man who leaves a wife and two very young children and who is then so critical of you doesn't sound like a long-term option.

Visit the family fortnightly. Just tell them you need rest. Tell partner you need time and will not also be attending every football game. Take that time back, If they sulk, they sulk, but are you happy with that man enough to stay forever with him?

Read the book The Body Says No by Gabor Mate. It changed my life.

if you say no to someone because you are burnt out and they kick off, they don’t love you in the way they should be. People who love you are kind, supportive and not needy.

This sounds like a horrible situation to be in. Firstly I think you need to stop and recharge now before you burn out. Tell your parents that they were right to worry about your wellbeing because you’re overwhelmed after so long exhausting yourself to please everyone and not getting to rest and recharge and for that reason you’re not visiting next weekend. I’d then tell your partner that you need to put yourself first and book yourself a 2 night stay in a hotel. Take some sick leave if necessary. When your partner challenges you tell him that’s not you “tapping out of family life” but taking care of yourself, since you don’t see anyone else trying to take care of you. Hopefully that gives you space to think about what you really want, and gives everyone in your life a clear message that you can’t carry on as things are and you feel no one cares about you. In the longer term i’d highly recommend finding a therapist who can support you with boundary setting, people pleasing behaviours and self-esteem.

First of all your partner needs to partner up or he needs to go.
Talk to your parents and brother to let them know you need you time you are going to prioritise you.
Why does a grown arse man need you watching him at footy im sorry but he sounds pathetic needs to step up and care for you.
We do this we keep on keeping on giving while others just take take take.
Ive been here .. stop and set some boundaries time to start putting yourself first its self care x

Isn’t it time to start living YOUR life?

Why the fuck are you putting up with being spoken to like this? And if this is how his 5yo is now, it’s going to only get worse as he grows!!!

who’s house is it?

This.

Imagine what having your own little place would be like. No one to make it messy. No one to moan about what time you get up or what you’re doing. No one trying to make you responsible for “family time” with kids that aren’t even yours!!

Your body is trying to tell you something, listen to it.

You need to develop a little healthy selfishness.

I don't agree with your title so I've said YABU. But actually it does certainly sound like that is what your life is like.

The main issue seems to be your DP. From what you say, he doesn't really seem to care about you at all, he just expects you to take the lions share of caring for his kids. I know mumsnet loves a LTB. But I do think you need to have a long hard think about what he contributes to your life. How does he make it better? Because if actually what you get is more cooking, cleaning, washing etc and the expectation that you will just do what he wants, that isn't a partnership at all.

With regards to your parents, a 4 hour round trip weekly is too much. I think you need to say you are cutting it down to every 2 weeks (which is still a lot!). And maybe the in-between weeks you facetime or something.

@Potatoread to answer the question in your title, no that isn’t what life has to be like.
You’re prioritising everyone else in your life over yourself and feel guilty for doing anything for you.
I don’t have kids and neither do you. That gives me freedom over my free time.

Your parents understandably want to see you but doing a 4 hour round trip once a week is madness.

Your partner sounds selfish and useless.
He’s not being a good, supportive partner to you and I’d bet his parenting isn’t great either based on what you’re said.

Do you love him? What do you get out of this relationship?

Sounds like you need to make some changes and start being more selfish. It’s not a bad thing to put yourself first. Everyone else in this scenario is.

What is 'nearly elderly' OP? I'm 66 and I go to visit my adult children because they work and I'm retired so my time is less valuable than theirs. If your parents can't or won't come to you then they have to accept seeing you less often. It's not up to the people who stay at home to dictate visits - they aren't royalty.

And your DP should be looking after his own children. They aren't yours. But, to be honest, I'd leave the whole boiling lot of them. I live alone and it's bliss. People keep trying to set me up with men and assume I'm lonely but it is quite the opposite.

YABU
you only have one life and it’s up to you - choose to love it or choose to shackle yourself to a waste of space who makes you feel dreadful, is rude and inconsiderate, and does nothing to help you

your choice

Hi op your overwhelmed first text parents say no I’m not ok feeling run down I need to put myself first so I will come every other week so I can do things for myself on the other day. I only get 2 days off and this is me having to travel to everyone else no one comes to me. Say my mental health is suffering. Take a few days of work just for yourself see your friends if it helps but don’t go and stand watching her partner play football say I need some girly time if your going to the football I will see you another time. If you live in your partners house maybe time to move out he can’t expect you not to warn his children of the danger of the shower it might have burnt him. Take time away if necessary go to a hotel in another city then do you. If you burn out no one is coming to help you. Life is far too short to put yourself last.

This.

Sometimes life does seem a slog, but your partner sounds like a nightmare (is he expecting you to parent his children - is that what the nonsense about him being exhausted despite having the children 50% - therefore 50% child free time - and being between jobs with two weeks off, is about? ).

Your parents sound over-baring too, and I'm especially surprised your brother is so needy unless he has learning disabilities and is more reliant on his immediate family for that reason?

Dump the man and find your own place. Tell your parents that you're exhausted and need some time to yourself. You'll feel much better.

I'd move out, your 'partner' sounds like a lazy tosser. Did he expect you to look after his kids?

Another vote for leave the 'partner' (I'm sorry but what is he partnering you in, exactly? It doesn't sound like the two of you are much of a team), book some annual leave, and visit your parents once a month (or maybe once every 2 weeks to begin with if every 4 feels like too much of a drop initially).

You need to leave the relationship for a start, it’s not going to get better. He doesn’t seem to like you very much, most of what you describe is you supporting him, not the other way round.

What positive things does he actually bring to your life? As others have said, you’re not married and don’t have children, so you are free to leave. Don’t stick around hoping it will change and wasting your life. Leave him to his video games.

As for your parents and brother, you need to put some boundaries in place - tell them you will not be able to visit every week as you have other things going on - drop to every two or three weeks with phone calls in between.
If they throw a strop that’s their problem - people who care about you wouldn’t guilt trip you into being miserable. Your mothers anxiety is not your job to fix, you also seem to be struggling, so what are they doing to accommodate you?

Look you’re going to have to make some changes or it will continue like this and you will stay unhappy.

Guessing the DP lives in your house? With his kids?

Ditch the freeloader and his kids, reclaim you own space, reclaim your peace.

You don’t need to stay with your partner. You don’t need to see your parents every week. You are allowed to say no. Saying no might upset people, but that’s their problem. Go to therapy and talk about it. You sound depressed tbh.

You're a people pleaser.

Ditch this loser, tell your parents you'll be round when you get chance and take some time to learn who YOU are and what YOU want.

(Spoiler, this "partner" is not in the plan)