Aibu to think that life is just you doing what every else wants and never being happy?

Only you can reclaim that time to yourself. Start now. Tell your partner you are not longer watching him play as its essential you get that time to yourself as you work a 40 hr week. Tell family you'll see them once a month but speak on the phone more often. Any one who gives you grief for setting your own reasonable boundaries does not have your actual welfare at heart. Stick to these rules and you'll immediately have more time to yourself.

Don’t know what partners exhausted by if he’s not working?!
he gets a break on the 50% he doesn’t have the kids

,
agree with others, book a couple off days off or go book a Saturday night hotel stay. If your partner kicks off, it’s a sign he’s not for you - if I told my husband all this he’d insist I had a proper break.

next weekend, suggest to parents they meet you half way (at least as a starting point) - pick a national trust house or something to visit to have some time together, preferably outdoors or doing something you enjoyed

Please imagine how glorious your life would be in a lovely 1 bedroom flat with no one to please or accommodate but yourself.

you don’t need any of this.

your partner is exploiting you.

You are in the enviable position of being away to WALK AWAY.

You hold all the power here if only you choose to use it. Your DP is out of work and has DC. You are working and have no DC. He doesn’t get to call the shots. He certainly doesn’t get to sulk and tell you off and pretend to be exhausted and make you watch his boring gaming and football. Seriously, stop putting up with this shit and put your foot down. Make him move out and get your own space and sanity back. It’s blatantly clear from your posts this needs to happen and there’s no obstacles, you’re not married or tied by kids. The only person keeping you in this situation is yourself. Start making choices that make your life better or you’ll be stuck in this purgatory forever.

Your parents are less of an issue but probably started this sense of obligation/people pleasing that’s screwing you over. ‘Nearing being elderly’ isn’t elderly, sounds like their choice not to come just like your brother, so you need to feel less obligated and put boundaries in. They can expect all they like but you don’t have to go weekly or stay late or feel bad. Until you start asserting what you want, you’ll be stuck in this cycle. But sort the useless selfish partner situation first then you’ll at least get some energy and perspective and start feeling better and more capable. Pandering to him and moaning to your mate isn’t going to change anything. You have to make some changes.

Sounds like your parents have raised you to be a people pleaser, and you're now carrying that forward to your DP and his kids... If you're not careful, you can lose your whole life that way...

I know it's hard to start standing up to people and you can even forget what you want when you've put your needs on the back burner for so long... but you get one life, and everyone is entitled to live it for themselves.

Have a look for online resources, maybe try ChatGPT on how you can start to 'self-actualize'. Good luck!

Why would you stay with a man who treats you like this? If you have no children yourself, why would you put up with his, when he clearly gives you nothing much in return?

Working 40 hours per week is utterly average.

Parents who live 2 hours away expecting to see you weekly is not! Cut that down to monthly.

I didn't take in too much of the rest (very waffly) but not spending so much time with your parents will help a great deal.

Your life would be so much more relaxing if you told your parents that yes you are exhausted and you'll come every second weekend and asked your partner to move out. You need a space to unwind in and he's not giving you that neither are his children. His comments about the bathroom is making it very clear it's heading in the wrong direction - who knows where it will be at if he's still there in 10 years time and his children are teenagers!

My mother is 90 and she's delighted I visit every second week at best and she's around an hour away. My siblings also do their fair share.

My husband performs and I go to watch when I'm inclined to which is maybe 4 times a year. He's fine with that and happy if I take a good video.

If your partner didn't live with you would your friend maybe come and stay with you sometimes?

What’s preventing your brother and parents from coming to yours once in a while? Why do you always have to go to them?

You are responsible for your own happiness. No one is taking care of you. Your health is your wealth and this routine is destroying yours. Tell all concerned that you are dealing with some health issues at the moment and need to take a step back. Then after work start doing some of the things you enjoy, show yourself some love. Enjoy your weekends, you work hard and deserve to have fun. If you can afford it, hire a cleaner for a couple of hours each week . 💞

First post nail it 👍

@Potatoread

My love, listen. You have lost your 'voice'. You know what you want but the 'voice' with which to speak it is buried somewhere deep in you. This isn't uncommon in younger women (I'm old). I didn't find my voice again until I was in my 50s. And I paid a price for that in my 30s and 40s when I was working and raising my sons.

I'm as old or older than your parents. It is wrong of them to expect you to travel to them exclusively, and especially weekly! My younger son lives 2 hours away and I have no problem driving to him, but it's only every month or so and I often stay the night. In between we have lengthy phone calls. He has an extremely busy life and I would never expect him to drive to me weekly! That is ridiculous and very selfish! I'm retired, a 'lady of leisure', who has nothing but time and can 'rest up' before and after the visit to his so I see it as my 'job' to go to him. If your parents won't travel to you or even meet halfway (very reasonable) then they must forego seeing you weekly. Find that voice and tell them it is too much.

As far as your DP, I agree with others. Dump him. At best he's selfish at the worst he does see you as a nanny with a fanny and a purse, too! He has no respect for you and is teaching his son to have no respect for you. Find your voice and tell him you're done being his doormat, cheerleader, and hired help. Since you say he said it was 'his' shower I assume you're living in his home? If so, ducks in a row as quickly as you can and leave.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are in control. You can say no. Habits can be broken. If the people you say no to can't accept that you are saying no for your own wellbeing, then they don't really care all that much about you, do they?

I hope you do tell your friend everything and that she can support you in finding your voice. The only person stopping you is you.

I’m unlikely to tell you anything you haven’t had from other posters but it strikes me that everyone else is getting what they want but you.
Quite frankly, why should you have to do all the running and keep the peace, schlepping about after your partner to watch him kick a ball? Fuck that.
You get one shot at this and in the end these are the sort of people that never bloody appreciate it anyway. You might find by being a bit more assertive that their attitude changes but really if I was you, I’d rather be single.
Good luck OP, I hope you manage to make the changes you want.

You need to start prioritizing your happiness more and owning it.

“No, I’m not visiting this weekend. I want a break and I work all week. I’ll see you next weekend.”

Leave your DP, he’s a rude, lazy arse. You aren’t going to have a great life while you’re carrying him and letting him be a wanker to you and teaching his son to do the same.

Generally, no. This is not “life”. This is your current life because you put the boundaries in place to make things fair. You can change that.

Hope your friend is supportive and you had a good time with her.

End the relationship firstly then do what you want. After years of doing what others want I put myself first. Had a bit of push back from people but its my life and I dont want to be a chorus girl.

Please dump your partner, you can do much better, and set better boundaries with your parents and brother.

It's hard at this stage, but they say we just have to have faith we'll get our time later, when (on average) we'll likely have aches and pains/more health issues-this is the busy time. And yes, obviously some people our age do have serious issues and it's not easy.

And NO, I don't feel like this. Because I wouldn't ALLOW myself to be in that position.

You are being totally unreasonable, "the expectations placed on you by everybody", YOU are the one agreeing to these expectations!! You are TELLING everyone how to treat you. Stop it NOW.

You literally have one life. Just one. And you don't get awards at the end.
Do you want to get to the end and look back at this? No!!!
You have a partner problem - if you seriously think about it, how much joy Vs stress does he bring to your life? How much happier would you be living alone without him and his children? Find your path and take it, to hell with everyone else

LTB
your life will improve immensely and immediately

OP I recognise a lot of this in me, it's like an invisible expectation I put on myself. It's like I decide I have this pressure on me and other people's expectations but I have started to realise that a lot of it has come from me internally.
I feel like I can't have a day out but really I know I can. Yes my husband and son 'expect' me to spend the weekend at home because that's what I always do, there's nothing stopping me announcing I am off to the beach for the day, alone.
.....but I don't, it feels easier not to, it feels like I'm inconveniencing everyone if I took myself off for the day, I know they want to come with me so I just go along with the usual plans.
It sounds like you actually have the pressure and expectations being put onto you by other people as well as feeling them within yourself. I do agree your partner doesn't sound like a positive in your life, it's easy to say 'get rid' but this is hard when you hate to disappoint people. Just think you are disappointed by him so time to disappoint him back.

The worst that can happen is all these people won't be happy with you and really is that the end of the world? You aren't happy with your life as it currently is so why not try mixing things up to try and improve things.

Start small, purposely disappoint someone on purpose to try and get used to the awkward feeling that comes with that.

I definitely think a lot of women come to these realisations at this stage in life but it's your job to put things right, take your time back, good luck.

Sorry ,but this is a partner problem, possibly your brother to
Men being demanding

You need to rethink your relationship - life shouldn’t be this miserable and exhausting.

Tbh from what you’ve said H sounds lazy and self centred - it looks like he’s the one making you unhappy too.
Perhaps there’s a reason his last relationship failed?? Is he the reason??
I believe I would be happier on my own rather than in a relationship like this - think it through.

Your partner wants a nanny for his children and a housekeeper . If he’s not currently working then he’s taking advantage. Leave him and move closer to your parents who obviously love you and are worried about you.