Aibu or am I just being a bad person?

Ok, he won't. So...then what? The family descend, OP doesn't feed or host them, and tells DH if he wants them looking after he can do it himself. He chooses not to. So then either he, on realising that OP isn't going to do it, and not wanting to do it himself, decides that maybe having loads of people staying / visiting all the time isn't such a great idea after all, OR the family decide that the catering's so lousy they'll go somewhere else in future. The sky won't fall.

The UK used to have a "culture" of "men sit on their backsides while women wait on them". Then women started refusing and now things are different. OP isn't actually in Pakistan, where sexism is enshrined in law, so she can stick with the culture she was raised in and not be a doormat.

Yes, she can stop but her life will almost certainly be unbearable going forwards. I think you're critically (and naively) minimising the cultural expectations, pressure and very real control. What could they do about it? Quite a lot actually.

Well the OP is being abused, certainly in western eyes anyway. She's being run ragged with totally unacceptable demands and she has no voice. I think it's more than fair to say that traditional Pakistani marriages are often not remotely conducive to women protesting their rights. I mean, you can argue that if you like but there's plenty of documented evidence to suggest otherwise. You see, it's incredibly unhelpful to be an apologist for such forms of degradation and hidden abuse of women.

You don't have to agree to be a mug just because your dh is from a certain culture! The fact that you're English should make it easier for them to understand that their ways don't work in your house. Let them think you're uptight or weird- they are the ones that are rude as fuck!

I would tell them that from now on you only come when invited and you tell them that you need to go to bed at (hour you wan so they can go home or stay whispering. Take command in your own house- your children do not want a mum who's exhausted and crying because their pils have no limits and their dad is a wet lettuce.

Why though? If she stopped waiting on everyone and did her own thing, what could they actually do about it? Why is it "not happening"? If she does it, it's happening. Nobody else can actually control what OP chooses to do.

OP, tell your husband he can feed his family himself, and do something else. And the phrase you're looking for is "please don't comment on my body".

One. You are generalising that all people from certain cultures are abusive. OP has not said this.

Two. If this were the case I'd strongly suggest OP moves out and gets herself and children somewhere safe.

Again, a complete lack of cultural awareness. She would be the one moving out if anything, but more likely she'd be subjected to some form of physical and/or emotional violence. Her husband is not going to "deal with it", end of.

Well yes, probably.

Take the kids out. Why should they fuck yo your kids holidays and your health. Go stay with your mum and let your twat dh deal with them.

Thank you

This is definitely worse nightmare territory but unless your husband grows a backbone and does something about it you will get nowhere.
It would be enough for me to want a divorce I’m afraid - I couldn’t do it for a week never mind 3 months!

Personally, when husband says 'what can I do about it' the response will be if you don't arrange something else you will be doing the cooking and cleaning. Or book an air b and b for you and kids for the next few weeks. Move out and let him deal with it all

This totally. It's interesting that other cultures seem to envigle themselves into being the one to be most respected to the detriment of the British culture.

Why don't you feel you can leave them on their own in the gouse and go out with the kids? Do you not trust your inlaws and extended family not to snoop?

I do wonder whether she was escaping something else.

Last year OP was 28 with a 9 year old, and married for 10 years. So she can’t have been very adult at the time of reverting.

A revert is the name used for someone who converts to Islam as an adult.

OP, you say you 'reverted' to Islam, was this a faith you were in previously and left, to return to it for your marriage?
I only ask because if you were brought up as Muslim did your family behave differently, as in, not putting all the burden on one woman, and could they support you maybe by coming round to at least lend a hand or a voice from the same culture?

A wise woman once said: “Fuck that shit!” And that’s what you need to do.

I wouldn’t get out of bed for at least three days. I’d let everyone know I was suffering from exhaustion, and that I was not able to do anything including childcare. I’d leave the in-laws to do it all, including checking on you and bringing you food. Let your husband feel the full pressure that his family bring.

To me it sounds like you’re on course for burn out, so this action is only pre-empting what’s coming.

On day 4, I’d get out of bed and sit downstairs and expect everyone to continue waiting on you until you feel you can/want to get stuck in again.

Let this be a warning to your husband and in-laws about imposing on you.

Don't apologise.

The OP hasn't mentioned violence even once, or said that if she rebels she is 'genuinely risking her kid's lives'.

This was posted by a PP who appears to be tarring the OP's family with a huge stereotypical brush.

It's really not as simple as you're trying to make it out to be

It can take decades to undo this shit. It won't happen overnight.

Well there you go then.

Stop blaming culture and tradition when you know he can change but won't.

That's on him and nothing else.

I've clearly not read the whole thread & didn't realise her family were abusive. I apologise.

Not all Pakistani families are like this one btw. Their treatment of you is awful, it’s not all down to culture.

No, I'm just being realistic.

Of course he can change but he won't.

Not to try to diagnose you, but some of your symptoms align with POTS especially in the absence of other issues in your blood works( this is not to say that they may be caused by sometimes entirely different) but perhaps it’s worth exploring? You sound absolutely rundown and exhausted, sending love.