Overwhelmed and anxious from parenting

sitwiththeemotion · 26/07/2026 09:19

As it’s the summer holidays could you pay your 12 yo some babysitting money to get up with the 4 yo so that you could get some uninterrupted lie-ins?

Being rested should help you cope with managing the day.

Original poster

violetpixiedust · 26/07/2026 17:05

Yes possibly. Being tired doesn’t help but I can’t help but think that it’s all relentless anyway. Every time I try to do something with her/them it ends with her having a tantrum over something. Taken her out today for a nice, chilled day out but because I wouldn’t let her have a toy on the way out it was the ‘worst day ever’. I know she’s only a young child and still learning to regulate emotions but I just feel like I’m in a constant state of high anxiety waiting for the next challenge, demand or interruption. And I worry about how it affects older dc too.

OP posts:

ShetlandishMum · 26/07/2026 17:09

You need to set boundries for your 4 yo. They will keep going untill you do.
A 4 yo us perfectly capable to play for a while without interacting with a grownup.

Your 12 yo should like wise be able to look after himself for quite a while.

Original poster

violetpixiedust · 26/07/2026 17:13

ShetlandishMum · 26/07/2026 17:09

You need to set boundries for your 4 yo. They will keep going untill you do.
A 4 yo us perfectly capable to play for a while without interacting with a grownup.

Your 12 yo should like wise be able to look after himself for quite a while.

Edited

My 12 year old can. Dd can too but it just feels like whenever I try to get on with anything she is there wanting something. I think it’s compounded by the fact we never get a break.

OP posts:

hoopieghirl · 26/07/2026 17:14

4 year old should be able to amuse themselves for short periods of time . What about bed time ?? Can you not get some Me time when young one goes to bed. As for interrupting you when young are talking this needs to be nipped in the bud. You might need to start having firmer boundaries with your youngster.

Ponoka7 · 26/07/2026 17:16

Dod she want to buy a toy, or carry one with her? My youngest GC needs to take something out with her. She's ND, though. Are there any other signs of your youngest being ND?

ShetlandishMum · 26/07/2026 17:16

violetpixiedust · 26/07/2026 17:13

My 12 year old can. Dd can too but it just feels like whenever I try to get on with anything she is there wanting something. I think it’s compounded by the fact we never get a break.

Show quote history

You need to set boundries for her so you get a break. She doesn't need 1:1 all the time.

oustedbymymate · 26/07/2026 17:22

I 100% other parents aren’t nailing it. It just feels like it.

the constant demanding is overwhelming and I feel
like as a generation I’ve been made to feel as a parent I need to be available at all times otherwise I’m damaging them. But in reality that’s not true.

mine are 4 and 6 and wild. It’s hard but I’m trying really hard to set very firm boundaries eg set them off with something and the say no I’m cooking tea and unless they are about kill themsleves (sometimes feels like it!) I ignore everything and put air pods in. I find it so overwhelming and I can’t remember anything as I’m constantly switching down task to task without finishing anything and it drives my anxious state.

ive also let bedtime slip too much so they are back to earlier bed time as I need at least an hour downtime in an eve. They are up at 6 and full on from the minute they come barraging in and wake me up and I’ve been collapsing in a heap shortly after they are going to bed (way too late!) so we’re back in an earlier routine as from tonight.

solidarity

Sugarplum5 · 26/07/2026 17:22

violetpixiedust · 26/07/2026 09:05

I know this is going to sound a bit dramatic but it’s genuinely how I feel. I have a 4 year old and a 12 year old - big gap and quite difficult to manage at times.

The 4 year old is full on. She doesn’t stop. From the moment she wakes up she chatters, demands, wants this wants that. She has also in the past few weeks started having some mega meltdowns which has been hard to manage - could be developmental or maybe because she knows school is starting soon I don’t know. If I’m ever trying to have a conversation with anyone else she’ll say mummy mummy mummy until I acknowledge her. She always needs something.

My older child is obviously less demanding but I worry about him in different ways. It’s a whole different set of problems with high school politics etc. He also does a lot of activities that require a lot of time.

The hard bit is Dh and I have no family support so it’s just us. The only break I get is when I go to work but Dh works more hours than me so it’s often me doing the majority of childcare. Between kids, work, household stuff, admin I feel absolutely drained. My dd as much as I hate to say it is the main cause. I feel like I have no autonomy I can never just please myself, even if I try to read a book it’s constant interruptions. The other day I was out with both dc and dd was chattering away and tantrumming, older ds was giving me attitude over something and I just felt like my head would explode.

I have realised my nerves are shot. I’m constantly in a high anxiety state where I’m waiting for the next demand, tantrum or interruption. I am irritable and knackered and snappy and I don’t like being that way. The only time I get to reset is when they go to bed but ds is older now and often up later than me sometimes.

I see other mums nailing every aspect of their lives - looking great, lovely homes, excelling in their careers and being great mums and I don’t know why I’m currently finding everything so hard.

Could of written this myself, infact I found your thread becasue I was just about to make one myself for the same reasons. I also have a 4 yo, little boy, he is incredibly demanding, constantly wanting my attention, talks for bloody England, interrupts conversations, constantly asks why even when I've answered him, messes everywhere up, throws the biggest tantrums. I have 3 older girls and they weren't anywhere near like this. My nerves are terrible around him, I am glad to hand him over to his dad whenever he's home. I have no patience for him whatsoever and am constantly snappy, I have to take myself off upstairs for a break. My DD 13 has ADHD so imagine them together 🤦‍♀️ no advice really, its super tough with no support as I'm in the same boat. Sending hugs x

Maray1967 · 26/07/2026 17:24

I’ve got the same age gap between mine, OP, but mine are both boys. DS2 also did the constant interruption thing, but I cracked down hard on it because it drove me mad. You need to focus on this and not give in. There was a lot of ‘I am talking to MrsX, stop interrupting’ and stern reminders before we went anywhere. Mine were not too bad in gift shops etc but one of my goddaughters was , and her DM dealt with it firmly. Reminders were issued before we went in the castle or whatever that there would be no toy buying today so don’t ask or you don’t get an ice cream etc. At the first sign of any kicking off she would be hauled out and marched to the car. I think it only took a few times before the lesson was learned.

Snd yes, she should be able to entertain herself for short periods of time. You are going to have to be firm and consistent, but you should see results.

Original poster

violetpixiedust · 26/07/2026 17:30

She will happily colour or play alone, it’s not like it never happens but it just feels like small windows of time that don’t give me enough opportunity to actually get anything done. I sometimes fantasise about having a month off work just so I can be home alone in peace while she’s at nursery and actually get stuff done.

But it’s the crazy, wild behaviour at the moment too which is quite new. Tantrums, running off, being silly and no amount of telling off or issuing warnings seems to help. She has been marched out of a few places recently but still repeats the behaviour.

OP posts:

oceanblueandturquoise · 26/07/2026 18:10

A lot of my DS’s friends got quite manic in the run up to school. I think they know a huge change is coming, don’t fully understand it and it sends them slightly loopy.

It sounds like you do have firm boundaries - you’re not having a toy, meltdown; you’re still not having a toy - that’s a boundary. But in all honesty as much as boundaries are important it can be difficult to really hold them. So yes you uphold that boundary re the toy but the meltdown is something else!

Over the May half term I found my five year old very difficult and if I’m honest irritating. It was the constant chat about complete nonsense - I don’t mean standard five year old talk but literally telling me ‘mummy, mummy, mummy that bird right, that bird mummy, that bird is, is, is, it’s going to, it’s going to, mummy, that bird, that bird.’ And I’m stood there trapped thinking ‘what the fuckkkk’ which I know is awful but true!

My reserves were very low though which was making me withdraw from the children (to protect my sanity I think) and in turn that caused my children to desperately chase my attention and approval, so talking bollocks, climbing on me, disrupted sleep, demands for this and that. All a way of saying ‘hey mummy are you still there; are you still meeting our needs!’ And I did but was bitterly resentful as well so the cycle continued.

We are in a slightly better place now (although I am rather dreading the long holiday!)

oustedbymymate · 26/07/2026 18:19

Omg @oceanblueandturquoise are you me?

specifically the bird story. Which pretty much happened to me 3 mins ago…

I totally agree re the burn outchecked out attention seeking drama

Sugarplum5 · 07/08/2026 08:01

oceanblueandturquoise · 26/07/2026 18:10

A lot of my DS’s friends got quite manic in the run up to school. I think they know a huge change is coming, don’t fully understand it and it sends them slightly loopy.

It sounds like you do have firm boundaries - you’re not having a toy, meltdown; you’re still not having a toy - that’s a boundary. But in all honesty as much as boundaries are important it can be difficult to really hold them. So yes you uphold that boundary re the toy but the meltdown is something else!

Over the May half term I found my five year old very difficult and if I’m honest irritating. It was the constant chat about complete nonsense - I don’t mean standard five year old talk but literally telling me ‘mummy, mummy, mummy that bird right, that bird mummy, that bird is, is, is, it’s going to, it’s going to, mummy, that bird, that bird.’ And I’m stood there trapped thinking ‘what the fuckkkk’ which I know is awful but true!

My reserves were very low though which was making me withdraw from the children (to protect my sanity I think) and in turn that caused my children to desperately chase my attention and approval, so talking bollocks, climbing on me, disrupted sleep, demands for this and that. All a way of saying ‘hey mummy are you still there; are you still meeting our needs!’ And I did but was bitterly resentful as well so the cycle continued.

We are in a slightly better place now (although I am rather dreading the long holiday!)

This was also me the other day. Absolutely done and withdrawn, sobbed when DS went to bed

WhatNextImScared · 07/08/2026 08:06

I could have written this, with some tweaks. My youngest is 5 and eldest just turned 9. Youngest still absolutely relentless like yours, eldest I worry about in different ways as she’s having social issues in school.But th smaller age gap means they murder each other constantly, always winding each other up and having physical fights which involve me separating and then trying to set some clear boundaries around acceptable behaviour and stick to them

i’m so over it this holiday, just absolutely done