DH and MIL took DS for first shoes fitting without me

Blimey,it used to be free !

I took ds when dh was at work, I hope he hasn't resented me all these years.

your DCs father took them, no different to you going without him.

I can’t even remember buying either of my DCs first shoes … they both were in soft shoes for a while that aren’t fitted, at some point I must have bought hard soled shoes but have no recollection of it looking back. It’s certainly not a milestone in my mind

Really Another way of ripping people off

Can't say I'd have given a shiny shit about buying shoes. In fact I'd have welcomed someone else taking my ( very uncooperative ) first born and saving me the hassle of tantrums on measuring and refusing to put shoes on her feet a

I don’t get why everyone is focussing on the MIL. She was led by her son. If he’d said to her that his wife would want to be there I’m sure she would have waited until that could be arranged.

if anything, be annoyed at DH but leave your poor MIL out of it

And of course this is the in-law’s fault-not the other parent’s……

Wouldn’t have given a fuck. I have no memory of getting my DCs first pair of shoes.

At the time, yes I would have been miffed and my MIL was prone to what was, in my view at the time, overstepping on things. Looking back now many years later, I’d struggle to care. I think when you get so many years down the line and have bought a million pairs of shoes, it feels less of a “thing” and perhaps that was where your MIL head was at…neglecting of course that it would have been a first for you and you would have felt differently. Hopefully there was no malice behind it but only you would know that based on your relationship with your MIL over the years.

It would have annoyed me too. It would have been different if they'd asked you before and you said you didn't mind but they went at a time when they knew you weren't there. They must see it as a big deal as why did they take photos of it.

What a bizarre statement

The first I knew of it was when I got home and they showed me the shoes with a pic of my sister-in-law holding DS’s hand as he tried them on.

good god, talk about rubbing it in! There's one thing being in the shop but a whole ther thing posing for a photo and then showing it to you after you'd been working, jeez. The SIL must have enjoyed that, does she hate you that much?

It appears that OP isn’t really over this, although she thinks maybe she should be.

I saw a post on here where a mother was equally ‘devastated’ because her mother-in-law had allowed her four month baby out on the lawn. And thus she had missed her baby’s ’first time being on grass’. I raised an eyebrow at that.

It's not a milestone thing for me but I'd have been furious and returned them, because I don't want my children wearing hard narrow Clarks shoes. They only have barefoot shoes for foot health and I carefully researched the best ones, none of which were Clarks or similar high street shops. My husband knew this thanks to me banging on about it!

I would have been upset. They could have at least asked if you minded. Apart from the ‘first-ness’, it was the secrecy in doing so ( obviously planned as other family members were there) and the fact that it was a family outing (mil and sil) and they excluded you.

i would have been very upset too (pregnant or not). The timing and lack of thought was very insensitive and an intentional over step by your MIL. Although I would be upset with DH for allowing this. Please don’t minimize your feelings due to pregnancy. This was not okay.

I say this as someone who took their third child for their first shows this week and had to ensure not only my husband was there but his brothers too as they were so excited!

Pwoplw keep on talking aboit the village and expect free childcare yet want to own their children and be controlling like children are their object

I tak grandparents and othet relatives wanting to do things with children as a positive not a negative thing

@Strawberrryfields yes I definitely was ecxited for some firsts with them. I guess it was just part and parcel of my parents being so involved the the kids. I didn't expect them just to do the drudgery. They deserved to do some fun stuff too. Of course I still did (and do) lots of firsts with them. I was just really grateful that if me or their dad couldn't be there for something, my parents were.

I would have been delighted if someone had taken DD for her first shoes, she screamed blue murder at every shoe fitting for two years! Definitely not a photo opportunity, tbh I never thought of it like that, DH didn’t take a day off work any more than when I took her for her first haircut, she screamed then too.😂.
The only thing I remember about the day was that they were startrite and bloody expensive.

I love celebrating (or acknowledging) my children’s firsts, but don’t really see first shoe fitting as a milestone in any way. More a chore that needs doing and I’d be happy to not have to do it/pay loads for Clark’s shoes that’ll very quickly be outgrown.
My 4yo has never actually been for a proper shoe fitting. I bought a shoe right measurer thing and just do it at home.

If DH thought it would be important to you he should have checked. But I’d say time to forget about it, it probably wouldn’t even occur to most people that it could be something that would be acknowledged.

Am interested to learn that buying first shoes is an important thing in some families.

Is it really true that Clarkes do a photo package??!

It's not a thing in my family. I have no idea who took any of mine for their first shoes. Probably me. Couldn't tell you what they got or anything about the purchase!

Why shoes? Is their first pair of jeans a thing? What about their first gloves? First belt? First salopettes? First swimming goggles? Wondering if I have missed any other firsts.

I would have been happy that my husband sorted a chore, but I didn’t find buying shoes a milestone. I don’t think we took pictures. I couldn’t tell you what age it happened.

If I had considered this an important moment, I probably would have felt differently. I would mostly be upset with my husband for not knowing which things I view as milestones and that those milestones need to involve both parents.

I didn’t mean that as a dig! I was just pointing out that while it’s nice for grandmas to be excited, mums can be excited too and that’s no less important.

It doesn’t sound like a grudge, more of a sense check - was IBU feeling that way or not. Imo she wasn’t.

Out of interest, were there any firsts you were excited to do or is that not your thing at all?

It would have pissed me off. I loved taking my dc to get their first pair of shoes.
If she’s otherwise lovely you are right to let it go.

I remember being in hospital after having dc2, both of us were very poorly and it was Christmas. MIL had come to stay at our house to help DH with dc1 and all the visits to me and newborn dd. Christmas Day was coming and as DS had just turned 3 it was the first Christmas he was aware of Santa and was excited. I knew I would miss all the stocking present opening which was gutting but I asked mil to keep aside one particular present so that I could give it to ds when they all visited the hospital on Christmas Day morning. I asked mil because she’s very reliable and DH was beyond stressed with everything.
When they visited, I asked her for the present so I could give it to DS, she very casually said that she’d already let him open it as he’d seen it and wanted to. Possibly hormonal but I was devastated! It was supposed to be my one bit of Christmas joy that year.
I didn’t say anything, just had a bit of a cry in private. Mine too, is an otherwise lovely MIL who was a big help that year and just misjudged how I would feel about something.

Were the shoes cute?

Realistically we are not going to be there for every milestone and sometimes we just have to accept it. This was a pretty small one. And DC's dad was there.

@Strawberrryfields ouch 😅 I guess those things just weren't that important to me 🤷‍♀️ Certainly not significant enough to hold a grudge many years later.